Hi everyone! I'm 40yrs old, 5'5" & 235-238#, married w/2 kids. I have been losing & regaining weight since High School, but mostly now it just stays put, unfortunately. I have some health issues, migraine headaches, high blood pressure again due to weight gain, a condition called Pseudotumor Cerebri which causes vision disturbances & migraines & only goes away with weight loss, bad knees, etc.

I saw a Bariatric Dr in spring of 2016, but my husband talked me out of the procedure due to the cost, surgery scare tactics & shaming me about regaining the weight again like I've done so many other times after loss.

I've been really thinking about the procedure often lately, I'm miserable in my body. My knees are getting really bad, none of my clothes are fitting again, I just got over a severe case of walking pneumonia where I could barely eat for a couple weeks, but I still gained 5-7#!!!! Who does that?? At this point in my life, I would rather be dead than continue gaining weight like this & look & feel miserable forever. But I am only a part time sub teacher, I can't afford the cost of the surgery without my husbands help & insurance. I can't do this alone! My oldest son is only 13, but he lives & breathes what his dad speaks. My parents probably won't agree with this procedure either. What do I do? I'm so confused right now. I know my PCP won't support this, actually I need to find a new Dr anyway.

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Hi. I know how you feel. Except the married part and kids. I also know what it's like to have migraine headaches and knee pain. And of course having high blood pressure and weight fluctuation is depressing and frustrating. Do what you want. Do what make you look and feel better. Hey, not everyone will agree with you on having weightloss surgery. You want weightloss surgery to help you get healthy. You're getting weightloss surgery for you not them. Just do you. And prove them wrong.

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Your husband sounds like a self-centered jerk. Why do you need his permission to use his insurance? It's your insurance, too.

I started off a little heavier than you and slightly older. I was in agony walking down stairs. I couldn't take my kids to the mountains or the park. Now, I am a great mom. My kids are loving the new me and everything I can do with and for them. Shoot, this afternoon I'm chaperoning a walking field trip. I couldn't have done that last year!

This is your life. It's not going to get better without surgery. You know the odds are completely against you. Maybe you and your husband should try couples counseling with a sympathetic therapist.

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_{Time waits for no one.... I'm 35 with 2 kids and I was going to get this surgery done years ago but I allowed people to talk me out of it! I totally regret that now years later I'm still over weight and larger then I was before...}

_{Listen... Come closer... Do What's BEST FOR YOU!!!!}

_{Your husband is not living in your skin and we only have one LIFE! Do what make you happy plus it will give you a better quality of life. I know you want to respect your husband and family's feeling or concerns... blah blah blah but do they care about you??? I had a scare with high blood pressure in September and my cousin was found dead in October no health issues she smoked used diet pills besides that she was fine. That pushed me to call my surgeon and get the ball rolling! She was 36 and has a 10 year old daughter... Life is to short we have to do what we feel is best, you know your body and how you feel. Make a way and make it happen!}

My husband is a health teacher, and he is primarily concerned about the issues I can have post op, about malabsorption issues & about having to be on Vitamin supplements for the rest of my life. Well, I'm already on prescriptions & Vitamins, that wouldn't be any different. He doesn't even know what I'm on. But I understand he is concerned about surgery issues. He doesn't understand how depressed & miserable I truly am. I've been depressed so long he doesn't remember me happy. And I think the big thing is the out of pocket cost after insurance. We don't have great insurance anymore, school budget cuts included insurance plan downgrading. And I'm only a part-time sub, just starting back in the work force after being off most of this year. Money is very tight. I'm only working a couple days a week. It has taken a few months to get hired as a sub, much longer than anticipated.

My 69 yr old uncle died last week unexpectedly at work from a massive heart attack, he was not on any heart meds, but was severely overweight. My dads side of the family has a lot of heart disease history & my dad has had high bp & heart caths in the past. My moms father has had heart issues in the past. It is on both sides of my family. I don't want my weight to continue to rise until I keel over dead from a heart attack at an early age like my uncle. I'm tired of being fat.

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Do what's right for YOU! Husband or no husband, you are the only one that can be your own advocate!

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Do whats best for you and if your pcp doesnt agree get another one. I didn't go through my pcp they had a weight loss seminar I went to and went from there. I had diabetes (no more) on metformin and a Weekndek shot. High bp(gone). Pain in back and legs sciatica( mostly gone) took baclofen, lyrica, both 3x a day and oxycodne 4-5 a day. Now I may take the pain med 2x a month. Pcos. Cervical cancer from it and in the end 6 months before surgery uterine cancer that led to a hysterectomy in June. I am 9 weeks out. Everyone tried talking me out of it. Especially with the 2 surgeries already this year. People who actually love you will love you still, even when you don't live your life like they think. Those who don't probably never did. My fiance was against it. His was fear of loosing me that's it. He's my biggest supporter and fan now. He even keeps me on track. You have to live and be around for your kids. If you feel this will help then you should. As a participant under his insurance you don't need his permission. If you have been led to believe that I would evaluate that situation. From a woman who lived in and survived getting out of a controlling abusive relationship.

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@@Raymia

My uncle died a few days ago of a massive heart attack at work. He wasn't of any meds, but was very overweight. Heart disease runs on bothe sides of my family & since I've been re diagnosed with high blood pressure, I'm concerned about my weight continuing to increase & it just getting worse & worse. I'm a horrible example for my kids. I do no exercise, I'm lazy, I don't run b/c my knees are shot, my gut hangs in the way, I'm so out of shape. I want to be better for myself & them.

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Edited December 6, 20169 yr by laurak814

@@MindyMe Wow, you really have had a lot to deal with this year! I did an online seminar last February & made a consultation appt with the Dr. Went to the appt only to find out that he was leaving in 2 weeks for another hospital. My husband is a functional fat man. He is active, coaches 3 sports, has sleep apnea, etc. & refuses to lose weight. I try to lose weight & cant. I'm exhausted all the time.

I'm so glad your fiancé has come around & supports you now. That's wonderful! Hopefully it has brought the two of you closer together.

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Support yourself first. Never rely on others close to you due to their fears. They love you but fear the change in you that's going to happen. Use this site for support and love your family separate

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I haven't had my surgery yet, but I thought I would share. I had the same issue with my husband in the past on other diets I wanted to try. He was right, I was never successful. I was expecting the same when I told him I wanted VSG. But after talking it over he is 100% on board. I discovered his issues with it that made me feel better and understand he wasn't just being a butthead. There's a chance your hubby might be acting this way because of some of these reasons so I'm going to share what my husband said his issues were:

1) would it hurt me and how dangerous, what are the complications? We watched dozens of videos and I made him go to my first couple appointments so he could hear it straight from the doctors mouth. It helped a lot.

2) how would this affect him? How long would he have to pull double duty at home? How would this change his lifestyle? I know this sounds selfish, but they are legit concerns. He eats just as bad as me, loves going out to restaurants, enjoys a huge home cooked meal. How long would I be out of service? It made me think of how I could make my recovery more manageable without placing a huge weight on his shoulders. I realized that planning ahead would be very beneficial. I still don't have all the answers, but I'm working on it

3) Cost. I've spent an ungodly amount of money on weight loss that has never happened. This would be a much much higher cost. I had to explain my commitment and the reasons why this surgery works for so many who have failed time and time again, just like me.

4) even after agreeing 100% and going to 2 of my preop appointments with me, on our way home he actually said "you better not lose all this weight and then leave me". I think that explained a whole lot. He was insecure. Even though I always thought I was the insecure one and he never ever showed that. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same way if roles were reversed. He needed to be reassured of my commitment to him, even after 18 years.

The bottom line is that our health and wellbeing matters. But having family support will make it a lot easier. Maybe if you can get him to come clean about why he is trying to sabatoge you, you can work it out and at least get him to stop being negative if you can't get him on board. Good luck!!

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@@Bjordan2 your reasons are exactly the same as ours. I know he worries about my health after the surgery, malabsorption issues, surgery complications, etc. He is worried I will regain after spending the money, AGAIN. He went to my initial Dr consult & was impressed with what he saw there & learned, but was still against me having it. But he said that maybe he should be the one to be having the procedure, due to his sleep apnea which he is unable to use the mask b/c of severe claustrophobia. And finally I feel he is afraid of losing me after I lose the weight. I think he subconsciously keeps me fat for that reason. I need his help financially & emotionally for this. I can't do this alone, especially if he is sabotaging my weight loss efforts.

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I hope he comes around. It sounds like he might be loosening up. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction I wish they could understood how important their support is. I think this blog site is going to be a huge supportive resource for all of us on this journey.

@@Bjordan2 that consult was last March. He has since looked up info on the surgery (I think confusing it with the older gastric bypass) & has told me he doesn't want me to do it due to the dangers. Wants me to try exercising it all off & eating better instead.

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I'm sorry, I assumed it was more recent. He has to recognize that since March you haven't been able to do it, since how many years too? My struggle has been for 16 years at least. One of the things I told my husband when we first started talking about it is look, this is what's going to happen if I don't lose weight, diabetes, heart disease, vascular problems, the outcome of staying obese will kill me and that's a given! The benefits of weight loss grossly outweigh the risks. It could extend my life by years. Not to mention my quality of life. I have to keep reminding myself that too because I am terrified of complications. But either way I really hope you're able to find a solution. It is very difficult to take this all on yourself. Especially considering the financial aspects.

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