Friends and family reaction your wls surgery

[Tracyann1983 29]

My family and best friend are excited for me however my "girl group" you know the ones that you have Thursday drinks with or Ladies night with.. Yeah alot of negativity alot of smart remarks. I think its time to find a new group.

[Who'sThere 331]

Sorry for the late reply guys. (It's finals week for me) I read every single one of the responses from everyone and it's so comforting to see how everyone dealt with telling people around them. It made it easier for me for sure. So thank you all so much!!!

I will say it's good to know that almost everyone (even those who chose to be more private) had an overwhelming amount of positive feedback and support from loved ones. I think if anything that would make it easier to stay on track with your journey.

I'm still struggling with how private i want to be in terms of telling people close to me. This may sound crazy but part of me is so excited about this journey that i almost feel like i can't keep my mouth shut about it with certain friends, because i know they will support me 100%. But there are others who i would prefer not to tell even if they do already know. I think for me it's more than just respecting my privacy, i think it's also because the surgery is just a tool for me. I know i'm going to work my butt off in the gym and i don't want certain people judging me or thinking that i took the easy way out, when it's anything but. I also am afraid of people treating me differently after losing weight.

(That was such a long response, i apologize)

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There's no need at all to apologize for the length of your response.

Best of luck to you. You seem to have your head in the right place.

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[dianemar 45]

Mostly everyone has been supportive, I had one gal at work, out of genuine concern for me, did question the 'easy' way to surgery, but after she saw me after I came back to work, saw how easier I moved, how better and healthy I looked, has become one of my best advocates. All in all, it is nice to have support, but I had already set my mind on what I wanted to achieve, so peoples opinions did not matter, except for my husband. And he is great!

[recreatingcate 132]

I am struggling with this, a lot.

Five years ago, at 19, I planned to have WLS. My mom, who I was the closest to and who supported me in all my endeavors, and I agreed at the time to wait to tell my dad (who is a recovering addict, active in AA, and a big "his way or bust" person) until we had a surgery date. That way, I could answer any and all of his questions - heaven forbid I didn't have an answer, then I am unprepared and uneducated on the topic. This backfired big time, and because I was still on his insurance at the time, he had my surgery canceled 36 hours before it was supposed to take place.

Now, at 24, I am planning to do this again. I have a good job with excellent benefits, so I will be using my own health insurance to proceed with the surgery. At this point, still in the pre-op stages, I have only told my boyfriend and two best friends. My mom has since passed away. I do not know if I should speak with my father on this issue again. Telling him risks the emotional abuse that he will spew at me, him making me second guess my decision, and making me feel small in the worst way. But not telling him that his oldest daughter is going in for MAJOR surgery and then run the risk of something happening, or him finding out down the line, and being furious with me. This one is a toughie for me. My one sister was also less then thrilled with the idea the first time, and since she has started her own weight loss journey "the right way," it's not something I'm inclined to share with here again. However telling my dad will mean that she will know, and vice versa. And then, very quickly, my entire family would know and it would spiral very quickly.

Anyway, sorry to go on and on. It's a stressor for me and I'm not sure which route to take. Sigh.

[Fredbear 397]

I am struggling with this, a lot.

Five years ago, at 19, I planned to have WLS. My mom, who I was the closest to and who supported me in all my endeavors, and I agreed at the time to wait to tell my dad (who is a recovering addict, active in AA, and a big "his way or bust" person) until we had a surgery date. That way, I could answer any and all of his questions - heaven forbid I didn't have an answer, then I am unprepared and uneducated on the topic. This backfired big time, and because I was still on his insurance at the time, he had my surgery canceled 36 hours before it was supposed to take place.

Now, at 24, I am planning to do this again. I have a good job with excellent benefits, so I will be using my own health insurance to proceed with the surgery. At this point, still in the pre-op stages, I have only told my boyfriend and two best friends. My mom has since passed away. I do not know if I should speak with my father on this issue again. Telling him risks the emotional abuse that he will spew at me, him making me second guess my decision, and making me feel small in the worst way. But not telling him that his oldest daughter is going in for MAJOR surgery and then run the risk of something happening, or him finding out down the line, and being furious with me. This one is a toughie for me. My one sister was also less then thrilled with the idea the first time, and since she has started her own weight loss journey "the right way," it's not something I'm inclined to share with here again. However telling my dad will mean that she will know, and vice versa. And then, very quickly, my entire family would know and it would spiral very quickly.

Anyway, sorry to go on and on. It's a stressor for me and I'm not sure which route to take. Sigh.

You owe your family nothing, it's none of their business. And if they give you crap, you need to ask yourself why you consider wasting your time with these toxic people.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

[Malin 470]

@@recreatingcate I can relate. but you have your own insurance and your own life. Like Fredbear said, you don't your family an explanation now. Not judging your dad, but he sounds like a type A-control freak who needs to realize you're an adult. Do whatchagottado.

Thanks @@xoxococojay for starting this topic. I NEEDED to see these stories. My mom isn't supporting me on getting a gastric sleeve...and she's HAD a gastric sleeve. My general practitioner has suggested I go to local weight loss clinic instead...but what happens when I'm not taking their expensive Vitamins and shakes? When your body is VERY happy at being 210 and you're only 5'3.....ugh, this sucks.

[Torressl1234 6]

I'm lucky enough to have really supportive friends and family. They all know how much I've struggled with my weight over the last 8 years. They watched me go from 160 to 309lbs and knew my health was dwindling.

[Sai 785]

How did your friends and family react to your decision to have your surgery?

I've told a few of my friends and they are supportive but they just can't relate to me, especially my other overweight friends.

Did you experience this too? How did you deal with it?

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I told two people who I trust, mainly because just in case of an emergency. I find my support here, among those who are thinking about it or have done it. As much as I love my family, my life is my own, and to be successful in anything, you can't have negativity surrounding you. I can cut toxic people out of my life, but can't do that to my family so it's better left unsaid.

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[anywon 19]

I've had a mixed bag.

I told four people before my surgery (husband, mom, best friend, sister, and another close friend) and all were very supportive. I work from home, so I didn't have to worry about work. I see my co-workers once every 2-3 years if that.

Afterwards, I didn't keep it from anyone. We are pretty social people. I live in Las Vegas and a good deal of our socializing revolves around bars and restaurants. Not bothered at all by not being able to drink alcohol or eat what I used to. But we've known most of the bartenders and servers for many years, so I didn't mind sharing with them why I couldn't have certain things. They have all been magnificent. The bar where I watch football every Saturday has even gone so far as adjusting anything I'd like on their menu and/or creating a special dish for me each week with my Protein needs in mind. I love them for that.

A majority of my friends have been very supportive. One of the heavier ones was a little standoffish at first, but now that she sees a positive change in me, she's become highly supportive. Another heavier friend likes to throw in that I should have considered Plexus first. One of my thinner friends started out as supportive but now that I've dropped 30 pounds, she's been a little cool towards me.

Overall I don't care what people think. Friends come and go. I am very happy with my decision for ME.

What kind of work from home job do you have? (I apologize my question is non-related, but ive been interested in working from home for a while and ive been trying to find out more information on it- that's not a scam).

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[xoxococojay 842]

@@Malin i'm glad the thread is helping you, just like it's helping me! I tried Vitamins and shakes like herbalife. It didn't work for me. Some people were really successful with it, but i felt like i was starving myself, and they weight didn't really come off. I'm also a very short person so i can relate to you feeling like your weight is to much for your frame. That's exactly how i've been feeling. I will say so far i've found this support group to be by far the most helpful and encouraging so hopefully talking to others will put you at ease, since you aren't getting that from your mom.

***ps to everyone else...thank you all so much for sharing. It's so incredibly helpful. It's taking me forever to reply to everyone so i apologize, but i am reading everyone's post. We're all on this journey together.

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[xoxococojay 842]

I am struggling with this, a lot.

Five years ago, at 19, I planned to have WLS. My mom, who I was the closest to and who supported me in all my endeavors, and I agreed at the time to wait to tell my dad (who is a recovering addict, active in AA, and a big "his way or bust" person) until we had a surgery date. That way, I could answer any and all of his questions - heaven forbid I didn't have an answer, then I am unprepared and uneducated on the topic. This backfired big time, and because I was still on his insurance at the time, he had my surgery canceled 36 hours before it was supposed to take place.

Now, at 24, I am planning to do this again. I have a good job with excellent benefits, so I will be using my own health insurance to proceed with the surgery. At this point, still in the pre-op stages, I have only told my boyfriend and two best friends. My mom has since passed away. I do not know if I should speak with my father on this issue again. Telling him risks the emotional abuse that he will spew at me, him making me second guess my decision, and making me feel small in the worst way. But not telling him that his oldest daughter is going in for MAJOR surgery and then run the risk of something happening, or him finding out down the line, and being furious with me. This one is a toughie for me. My one sister was also less then thrilled with the idea the first time, and since she has started her own weight loss journey "the right way," it's not something I'm inclined to share with here again. However telling my dad will mean that she will know, and vice versa. And then, very quickly, my entire family would know and it would spiral very quickly.

Anyway, sorry to go on and on. It's a stressor for me and I'm not sure which route to take. Sigh.

You owe your family nothing, it's none of their business. And if they give you crap, you need to ask yourself why you consider wasting your time with these toxic people.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

I haven't told my dad yet either due to fear of his opinions. But if you know for sure that you want the surgery, go for it! It will be a positive change for you in the end. Plus you can always let him know after the fact. But i would still tell someone like a close friend just so they are aware of what's going on, in case you do have complications. Best of luck to you though. I know how stressful this can be. I'm still in my pre-op phase as well.

If you or anyone else would like to talk privately, feel free to send me a message.

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[MLHKY 1]

Overall my family has been supportive. Though they still do not really get it & why I chose to go to Mexico for a sleeve. I just saw everyone for the first time since my surgery in August. I am 55 pounds lighter. I was told I look good. Okay, thanks, but that's it? and of course when joining them in a meal, everyone wants to know what's wrong with my food. Well, nothing is wrong. I can not eat like you all do anymore.

Idk, I was a little disappointed.

Aside from family, there are just a handful of people who know about my WLS. I think it is my business and no one else's

[xoxococojay 842]

My family and best friend are excited for me however my "girl group" you know the ones that you have Thursday drinks with or Ladies night with.. Yeah alot of negativity alot of smart remarks. I think its time to find a new group.

@@Tracyann1983 definitely time to find a new girl group. Are those friends heavier also? I've noticed that some of my chubby friends are the ones with the smart remarks. Best of luck to you.

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[Vinasu 621]

The only people I told are the ones I live with...and I wouldn't have told them if I had a choice.

I only took two days off work (Wednesday surgery day, the day after, Fridays are work- from- home for the entire office, back on Monday), so no one at all suspected I had surgery of any kind. They just see me watching what I eat and exercising.

I hate discussing my private life with anyone not involved in it, so for me silence has been golden.

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[vamping 183]

I've had a mixed bag.

I told four people before my surgery (husband, mom, best friend, sister, and another close friend) and all were very supportive. I work from home, so I didn't have to worry about work. I see my co-workers once every 2-3 years if that.

Afterwards, I didn't keep it from anyone. We are pretty social people. I live in Las Vegas and a good deal of our socializing revolves around bars and restaurants. Not bothered at all by not being able to drink alcohol or eat what I used to. But we've known most of the bartenders and servers for many years, so I didn't mind sharing with them why I couldn't have certain things. They have all been magnificent. The bar where I watch football every Saturday has even gone so far as adjusting anything I'd like on their menu and/or creating a special dish for me each week with my Protein needs in mind. I love them for that.

A majority of my friends have been very supportive. One of the heavier ones was a little standoffish at first, but now that she sees a positive change in me, she's become highly supportive. Another heavier friend likes to throw in that I should have considered Plexus first. One of my thinner friends started out as supportive but now that I've dropped 30 pounds, she's been a little cool towards me.

Overall I don't care what people think. Friends come and go. I am very happy with my decision for ME.

What kind of work from home job do you have? (I apologize my question is non-related, but ive been interested in working from home for a while and ive been trying to find out more information on it- that's not a scam).

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@@anywon PM me and I will tell you more. Not a scam at all.

Speaking of friends, I had lunch recently with a friend who I hadn't seen for about a month. It broke my heart to hear her say "Now I'm the fat friend". I corrected her with "No, no one is the fat friend. But if you still want to be my beautiful friend that you've always been, that would be great".

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