Who did you tell?

[KaiserKid 81]

Hi everybody,

I'm having a difficult time discerning who I should tell I'm having surgery to.

So far my husband and best friend know, and they are totally on board.

I'm concerned about telling people at work. I work with an awesome bunch of people, my boss especially. I know I would not have issues taking time off for the surgery itself. I'm a desk jockey of sorts and the only exercise I get at work is the walk to and from the train station and to any meetings I might have, so I'm not too worried about only taking a week or so off. My main concern is all the appointments I'll need. I just got the appointment/pre-post-op class schedule.In addition to the surgeon visit, I also need to meet with psych and nut multiple times in addition the the pre-op "classes" they make you take. My boss is super cool and typically will not dock our ET (we're salaried) if we need to go to a Dr's appt. I'm just concerned she might think I'm "milking it" by going to so many appts and not being 100% transparent about why I suddenly have to go so frequently.

At first I thought I'd be totally comfortable with telling people, like other friends and my family, but the more I think about it, the more self-conscious I get about it. I can definitely see some of them saying "you don't need it" or "you just need to try harder to lose weight" or "so-and-so had WLS and they look like crap". Thing is, I DO know some people who have had WLS and DO look like crap, but they also don't follow the post-op plan/lifestyle. However, I know why they look like crap because of all the research I've done. I know other people who have had WLS who look great. Other people who haven't done the research seem to think WLS itself just makes people skinny and look sickly. That was a concern of my husbands'. He wants me to talk to his aunt who is a nurse anesthetist, and she's seen every type of surgery under the sun.

I've made up my mind about the surgery. This is what I want and what I need. I've never been so sure of something in my life. However, I'm the type of person that needs reassurance all the time, and if enough people deter me from an idea, I may not do it even if I know I want to. (Truly, you should have seen me wedding dress shop with my bridal party. It was a nightmare.).

Sorry for the rambling. Every time I'm on this board I feel so awesome about my choices and my future. When I go into the real world, it's not so reassuring.

[sweettea 300]

First of all. Do it. Read my stats and look at pictures. My husband already knew because he did it first. Told my family. They were worried about complications. I reminded them of all the health issues I had from being over weight. I didn't really tell anyone else, until they commented on my weight loss. When you loss 100 pounds people kind of notice. I really didn't care what they thought. I took the good and left the rest behind. Honestly no one said, to my face anyway, anything negative. If someone is negative you honestly don't need them in your life. Anyway, it's your decision. You do you. Whatever makes you comfortable.

[kittykat84 11]

I told my boss and a couple coworkers but for the most part kept it to myself. I have tried to surround myself with people who are following the requirements to be successful. I have to focus on that. I have yoyo dieted all my life so my coworkers have seen my weight go up and down. So when people bring up the failed bypass stories I just stay focused on the successes and remind myself I will be a success too.

You can do this!

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[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Well you don't have to tell anyone about your health choices, there are laws that even say you don't. They already know you are over weight so just tell them you start a medical weight loss program.

Most people have jobs. The program I went to, when I had appointments they were clustered together, so it was 1/2 a day or whatever and got it all over with. you need to talk to them about how you can work appointments around your work schedule.

[ChristinasSleeveStory 44]

I have told my boyfriend, a co-worker who had bypass surgery (who quit so I no longer have contact with), and a friend 1,500 miles away from me. My parents don't know. My seven yr old daughter doesn't know (she lives in another state), my ex husband doesn't know, my brother and his wife don't know, and no one at work currently knows. *i know* that WLS is not "the easy way out", but I feel the stigma from others is that WLS is, so I do not need any negative energy or thoughts right now.

I may tell my parents in a few months after surgery, (at some point I definitely will because my Mom is a candidate but is too scared to do it). Other than that, I will only share with my medical team (PCP, therapist, Pyschiatrist, etc.) or someone in the medical field because I feel they won't be judgmental.

I heard at an informational WLS meeting from a sleeve patient that when people ask her how she is losing weight she says "I'm working very hard at it". And that will be the truth!!

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[fd319 86]

I would definitely tell your boss about the surgery and explain you'll need some time off for the recovery and not only that but the preop appt. I let my boss know first and she was super understanding and excited for me, and very professional about the whole thing. There were a few people taking vacation time this summer and all she requested was I don't schedule any appts for those days. I also made all of my appts in advance so I could either schedule multiple appts for one day or tried to make them as early or late as possible to minimize how much time I was missing.

Good luck!

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[Dub 9,922]

Prior to the surgery I told my family, a couple friends and boss. I did tell my closest buddies at work.

After a month or so I had people asking lots of questions about how I was losing weight. I was honest and open about my experiences.

It became a nonevent very soon.

[LisaMergs 2,854]

As long as you have some kind of support system in place, who you choose to tell and when is of no consequence.

For me- I live in an area where everyone is in every bodies business and the (mostly) women have nothing to do but gossip. Seriously, it is that bad. For a medium suburb of Chicago, you'd think we lived in a one-stop sign town. I personally did not want to be the subject of conversation at the coffee shop or Trader Joe's, and while I KNOW I'm not that important in others lives, I certainly would have been.

This has been a very personal experience for me, and answering questions constantly would have been a PIA.

I even waited until approval to tell my husband and mom. The only one who knew that I was going through the pre op stuff was my sister. My family has been very supportive, worried about the actual procedure like any would be, but even with them, I have to say "knock off all the 'how much you've lost' " conversations and just let me be me.

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[finding_onederland 226]

I have told my Husband, and a few friends who either have had surgery or they know someone who has had the surgery.

I told my boss and a couple of co-workers that I am having surgery to take care of an ongoing issue that I've had. Oh, and I told my HR rep.

I don't want to tell anyone in my family that I am having the surgery because i am afraid they will not be supportive and try to convince me not to go through with it.

I am not sure if I will tell folks afterward - I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

[connie2166 21]

I tell everybody I see cause I'm doing this for me so I don't care about the negativity im happy and excited about it so dam what they think just make u happy

IMSTLHR

[Dub 9,922]

I have told my Husband, and a few friends who either have had surgery or they know someone who has had the surgery.

I told my boss and a couple of co-workers that I am having surgery to take care of an ongoing issue that I've had. Oh, and I told my HR rep.

I don't want to tell anyone in my family that I am having the surgery because i am afraid they will not be supportive and try to convince me not to go through with it.

I am not sure if I will tell folks afterward - I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Exactly........taking the leap of faith to have the sleeve surgery is the important step.

Crossing bridges later on is easily done.

[finding_onederland 226]

I tell everybody I see cause I'm doing this for me so I don't care about the negativity im happy and excited about it so dam what they think just make u happy

IMSTLHR

Awesome!! You do you!!

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[Nana1222 159]

I told everyone and they are all so supportive. My Boss is 100% behind me and I'm so relived about that.

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[bevmccarthy 26]

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[bevmccarthy 26]

I told people who would support my through this. I told my boss and some co workers . I have FMLA so all the visits and everything I had to do. I wouldn't loose my job. Even my boss is supportive. Go with your gut and keep the negative out of your life.

You will do fine ..

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