I know most of you have asked yourself this question, but everything is quickly becoming very, very real for me and to be very honest, I'm terrified.

I've been working towards my surgery date for over a year. Yeah, an entire year. My original surgeon's office staff screwed up my paperwork and insurance denied me. When my insurance said they could get the approval done but they needed a 20 minute conversation with my surgeon, he refused and left me dead in the Water (this was after SEVEN MONTHS). It had been a massive roller coaster of emotions ... ok, mainly it was just on long endless climb from frustration to anger to rage - sweet, sweet rage.

Cigna, while denying me also said that I should go talk to another surgeon and they could get me taken care of if I satisfied all the conditions again (instead of waiting until the middle of 2017). I've done that, gotten my approval, I've quit smoking, quit drinking, dropped about 40 pounds prior to surgery, and today is Day 1 of my liver shrinking diet.

And now that everything is within site, after a year of struggle, disappointments, a small bit of pride in my current loss and changes to my lifestyle, I'm now scared out of my mind that I may be making a huge mistake and if I just keep plugging along I'll eventually drop the almost 200 pounds of excess weight (even though I know I'm fooling myself there). I'm 380lbs and 40 years old... time ain't on my side, but still... I'm flailing.

Liver shrinking diet induces all kinds of emotions! Like day 2 I was watching food on the TV ready to relapse, thinking to myself "all this hard work, I don't need this surgery if I could just get a taste..." Convinced myself I could control my own portions dang nabbit! 3days post op and it's all good. Hang in there! And congratulations!!!!!

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I felt the same and at 372 and 42 years old I thought I was crazy for not being able to do it on my own. I promise you that having it done is worth it. I feel free of food for the first time in my life! And losing the weight is easier than it was before.

It's scary and a big decision, but it is worth it to be healthy and to hopefully live another 40.

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