So, hi! I'm totally new here -- this is my first post on this site. I'm a 23-year-old American woman who currently is studying abroad in Germany. I've been thinking about getting sleeved since January. I'm 5'6" and weigh about 187lbs.

I guess even though I'm not "that" big right now, I feel like I have no control whatsoever over my weight. I've been overweight since I was about 9, and now, not even 10 minutes go by that I don't think about my weight. I'll lose weight on a diet, gain it all back with interest, wash, rinse, repeat. I have to eat fewer than 1200 kcal and exercise for at least an hour every day to lose even a pound a week.

I'm considering this surgery, in short, because dieting not only has proven not to work for me, but it makes me totally miserable. I have a very emotional relationship with food, so when I diet and am inevitably hungry, I am always in a downright terrible mood until I can get my "fix." I have a really hard time controlling my portions and stopping eating when I'm no longer hungry. When I do diet, I spend my days feeling depressed and being very irritable. Then, the weight always eventually creeps back on anyway despite all my effort. I don't like the way I look or feel right now at all. I am really happy for and supportive of big people who can love themselves and accept who they are, but I think it's time I accept that I am just not one of those people. I want to be able to wear what I want and be comfortable in my own skin. I want to stop worrying about my health and enjoy being young. I want to feel beautiful again. I have a history of severe emotional trauma, am trying to finish my education, and have a lot of other things I should be focusing on besides my weight.

I've just recently learned that I'm officially "obese." My BMI is about 30-31. I'm 40% body fat. I can't climb a small hill or go for a brisk walk without getting winded. I have borderline HBP and suffered a pulmonary embolism last winter, which almost killed me and was probably related to my weight. In Germany, most young people are quite thin, so being a big girl, I stick out like a sore thumb. And it's pretty much impossible for me to find cute clothes here, since there just aren't enough chunky 20-somethings looking for fashionable clothes to have a market for that kind of thing. Basically, I've had enough, and I'm sick of suffering and busting my butt with no results. I want this battle to be over so I can enjoy my life to the fullest.

So, I found a surgeon in Mexico who is willing to sleeve me. I have the money, but he's about the best I could afford. So, these are my questions:

1. Does anyone have any personal experience with Dr. Guillermo Alvarez in Piedas Negras? If so, what was your experience like? Do you recommend them, or are there any other Mexican doctors that you can recommend?

2. Has anyone with a lower BMI undergone the surgery? If so, what were your results like? Side effects? hair loss? Complications? I want to hear it all: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

3. Does anyone who has experienced the surgery have any regrets?

4. Anything else of note that you'd like to mention, or comments about my dilemma?

Thank you all so much for your time.

Edited August 11, 201610 yr by pinkpeanuts

I think you need to grow up and watch the language I don't think this site is for you. People are only trying to help you and they're not saying what you want to hear so you're getting pissed off. I hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck

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@@LPNAshley, people telling me to "grow up" and dictating how I should or should not feel is definitely bullying. At the very least, it makes me feel like garbage. I don't think all the comments were bullying. Some of them were well-intended, but I don't like having assumptions made about me. I certainly didn't come here to feel even worse about myself.

@@claramc, you're telling me to "grow up" and you can't even tolerate seeing the f-word with three out of four of the characters censored? This is an Internet forum, not vacation bible school.

Edited August 12, 201610 yr by pinkpeanuts

Seriously, I've heard these forums are hostile toward people with low BMIs but I thought maybe that wouldn't be my experience. I don't want to deal with this anymore. How do I get rid of this?

I'm super sorry you are feeling "condescend", "bullied", "ganged up" on. Seriously.

I won't tell you if I think you should/should not have surgery, but I will tell you that the pre-op diet and the hormonal changes you'll go through post op will (most likely) cause severe mood swings, extreme sensitivity, irrational anger at times, etc. (I was a hot mess for sure!)

I say this with all sincerity. If you are THIS upset over very well intentioned posts, mine included, you will REALLY want to avoid public forums once you start the process.

It's a tough journey, for sure.

Edit to add: and I'm sure no one's reactions have anything to do with your BMI.

(I added the smilies because the board owner recommended them. )

Yes, I completely realize I'm thin-skinned. I'm genuinely sorry for that. As I mentioned, I've dealt with a lot of trauma. I suffer from complex PTSD and am also dealing with a slew of stresses in my life right now that are worsening it. I think I did overreact to the first couple of posts, and I apologize for that.

But when I've already been punished enough for what I've experienced by having to live with this every day, it really doesn't feel great to be told to "grow up" or that I'm "choosing to be offended." Like, okay, great. I'll just press this button, reset my entire life, and turn my emotions off. :|

I mean, I guess a big part of why I'm so touchy about this is because I've actually been feeling ok with my weight recently, but the only reason is because I have this surgery on the horizon. I finally feel like it's under my control and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I usually feel a lot of frustration and sadness when I look at myself in the mirror or think about my weight. I feel like I'm doomed to a lifetime of obesity. But lately I've been feeling hopeful because this surgery is a real possibility for me.

Maybe I really wasn't looking for honest answers -- maybe I was looking to have what I want to hear parroted back to me. I didn't want to have my bubble burst, but it might be good for me to take a more realistic look at what this entails. It is a really big decision.

Edited August 12, 201610 yr by pinkpeanuts

You won't find people here just telling you what you want to hear. And that's a good thing! For some of us, enabling has played a huge part in how we ended up needing surgery! Knowing that you're thin skinned and realizing that maybe you just wanted to hear certain things are really good things to recognize in yourself. Everyone here genuinely wants to see people be successful. Sometimes it's hard to step back and realize that everyone has a different communication style. I've almost never seen anything posted that was purely out of malice though. Stay, ask questions, look around at other forums [emoji4]

@@pinkpeanuts This is an emotional struggle for many of us - and that's all I was trying to caution you about. The brain is very involved in not only being successful with weight loss but with us being physically and emotionally safe after surgery! Try the book I suggested. Prepare for an emotional and physical journey!

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Believe me I'm No Bully and my BMI is 36 not that high. And believe me I don't go to Bible School everyone who knows me would laugh at that one. When I was young I used to curse but I believe when were grown up it's time to knock it off and start acting and speaking like ladies. Just try not to take everything to heart.

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@@LPNAshley, thank you for your kind words.

@@KristenLe, it's mostly emotional for me. The pulmonary embolism was a big scare, but I am probably not in grave danger because of my weight. I see the surgery as a good opportunity to improve my quality of life/self-esteem and prevent further health problems down the line. I really do think it will be worth it, but it might help if I look at it in terms of what I need and what is best for me as opposed to what I want. I need to stay as emotionally and physically healthy as possible for my husband, family, and myself. I want to wear cute clothes, look good in pictures, and go out in shorts without feeling self-conscious. I should make the decision that best corresponds to what I need rather than what I want. I will definitely check out the book you recommended.

@@claramc, I understand. I swear like a sailor and it's not a great habit. I don't mean to offend anyone with it.

That's okay none of us are perfect I just hope everything goes well for you. Remember we're all in this together and I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world have a good night bye bye.

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