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I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

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I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I hear something about "finding someone else" almost daily. I hope this isn't the start of the situation for you. Thank you and good luck as well.

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I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I hear something about "finding someone else" almost daily. I hope this isn't the start of the situation for you. Thank you and good luck as well.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

Thanks! I'm going to try and resolve the issue now before it gets too ugly postop.

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Actually, he is supposed to be on medicine for it. He quit taking it about 3 years ago due to sexual side effects. I've been thinking for quite some time he needs back on them but there's no way to tell him that. He flips. He isn't the type of man who does anything that isn't his own way.

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If he is that controlling and is not following his treatment plan and "flips" over the idea of treatment or counseling, the least of your worries is your weight loss.

Are you safe? Does he go beyond controlling behavior? Does he hurt you?

I definitely recommend that you talk to a professional.

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No, he never would physically hurt me. Just emotionally.

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As a country it is a disgrace how we neglect our veterans and their families when it comes to mental health. Please make sure you take care of yourself. Even if he only hurts you emotionally, that is not acceptable.

Sending prayers.

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It's a tough situation. I know that this is what is causing it. Not to mention his job, working 60 hours a week in about 115° with major responsibility. However I still shouldn't be put in this situation. I do everything I can to comfort him. Just wished I w I understand get the same in return instead of the blunt of everything.

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@@jccanada Counseling will help you - and maybe you will be able to help him. It's a very sad situation and I'm sorry for both of you. Is he still friends with anyone he served with? Maybe they could help him see that he needs medication and counseling. You both are in my prayers!

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You have had great advise here. I think you may have "door mat" syndrome- my term, not a professional. I've not had that in any aspect of my marriage, except one- finances. My husband and I have very differing views, and I became a doormat to his tyranny for many many years. Counseling - first together and then alone- helped.

My advise? Just stand up and tell him you won't tolerate this behavior from him any longer and to KNOCK IT OFF. Plain and simple. If he needs further explanation, tell him you love and support him, are dedicated to your marriage, but if he continues down this path you will have no choice BUT to make changes yourself. Period.

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Weight loss will bring forth a wellspring of insecurity in relationships that weren't solid to begin with. Luckily I haven't experienced this with my fiancée. Seems like people's relationships either get stronger or eventually collapse after this surgery. It seems like your weight loss has revealed a side of him you both weren't expecting? I say, you've fought hard for yourself to get healthy. It's not unfair to hold him to the same standards of health; and if that requires him to go seek medical help for his mental illness, so be it. But making excuses for him and saying he "flips" if mental health treatment options are brought up, leaves us with very little advice to give you, because it's probably advice you dont want to hear. You may need to face some serious, hard truths and confront the fact that he may not change his situation for you. Prayer will only get you so far in this predicament, I'm afraid. Counseling and medical help for mental illness is a must. Your safety is at risk. I have personal experience dealing with PTSD with a war vet. It can be a dangerous situation. Draw some lines in the sand. Let him know you're there for him but compromise is needed.

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I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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For what it's worth, I think it is probably normal to have some worry. We all know of people who lost weight, got a breast implant or even dental work and it gave them self confidence. Some of these people find someone else. However, if you start to doubt your decision or feel that your success is making someone unhappy, you may want to get counseling. If someone loves you, they should want you to be the best you can be.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
      · 0 replies
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    • bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
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      1. This update has no replies.
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