Does anyone else seem to feel like their spouse treats them differently?

I can't look at my phone without hearing, "what, ...are you talking to your boyfriend?"

I've been with my husband 7 years, never once giving him a reason to distrust me. I love him with everything I am. But I've heard this every day for about 3 weeks.

Tonight I was rolling over in bed and was asked if I was getting up to get my phone.

I just just can't understand this. I also can't seem to feel like I can take much more of it.

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Edited June 1, 201610 yr by jccanada

That is so tough!

I would ask him, without sarcasm "what would it take for you to love and trust me like you used to? " if he asked to see my phone (text, FB, email etc) I would show him.

Then when he sees that you are not texting with your boyfriend I'd ask the really tough question. .."are you willing to go to marriage counseling so we can work out whatever the real problem is?"

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He won't. He's just not that type of guy. He has severe ptsd from Iraq and everything lately sets him off. This takes the cake though. I really expected him to be fully supportive. He knows for the love of God, I don't have a boyfriend. I don't want one!

We play a game on our phones where we have an in game chat with other players.. naturally I hear all about that too. Can't say a word to anyone period without hearing some sort of bs from him. Then when I ask what it is that I've done so wrong...I hear " yeah, it's me... I'm so horrible." ????????

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We share a facebook... we share a Gmail that both our phones are connected to. He knows better. I just don't understand.

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@@jccanada

I'm so sorry your hubby is feeling insecure.

My hubby was feeling insecure (after marriage) and that's when I started putting on weight and trying to be invisible.

We dated for 5 years before marrying but his jealousy didn't occur until we said "I DO". Then the eating habit was making ME FEEL great and I couldn't stop and didn't want to stop pacifying hubby.

The only thing that helped our relationship was studying the Bible together and letting that set our boundaries... but 1 scripture I won't forget is... 1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous..."

I hope you get what you need to make your relationship work and help hubby to become confident in your love again.

Thank you. I'm really at a loss. I can't even confide in friends. I have to be right here giving him my undivided attention. I'm very saddened that things are happening like this.

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@@jccanada I'm sorry. That is a shame. It's so sad to see so many relationships struggling after WLS. I'm sure your husband's PTSD and emotional health are impacting his behavior and insecurities. Why don't you suggest doing something together. Put the electronics down and do something fun.

Thank you. I'm really at a loss. I can't even confide in friends. I have to be right here giving him my undivided attention. I'm very saddened that things are happening like this.

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That isn't healthy, for either of you. If he is unwilling to seek couple's counseling, then go on your own.

I will pray that you and your spouse can resolve this issue.

I am coming up "blank" in the advice department. The only thing that comes to mind is a few months ago I was in Sam's club in the men's restroom and someone received a phone call. Nowadays, everyone have individual ring tones that tell you who is calling. In his case the ringtone was:

WARNING, WARNING, WIFE IS ON THE LINE, WIFE IS ON THE LINE, WARNING, WARNING

I thought it was very embarrassing, especially in the men's restroom. I imagined his wife programmed in the ringtone. Maybe if your spouse had that ringtone, he might begin to realize that you are his WIFE, especially if it is drilled into him over and over again, every time you call.

He is being insecure because he assumed you would always be obese, and now that you are shrinking his mental.state of mind is ,other men will look at my wife, like i don't look at her or other men will give my wife the aattwntio. Either way he's seselfi, and needs to embrace you through obese, thick, medium or skinny.

I say this because i have been fat the whole time i was with my husband 200-296,he has never ,ever seen me at 1q74150,175 and i weighed this when i was in high school. Well we are separated now, and guess what , all he does is talk about how lazy i am, how i could of lost the weight at the gym. Blah blah..what do you call that a man who is wanting for his ex to stay fat so she can be miserable so no one will want her, and he goes and lives a happy life

.that wont happen im alread beautiful inside and out and i have a beautiful soul only thing changing is my inches and sugar pound cubes. And i exercise even at 3 weeks after my surgery. He will regret it later, but for now my focus is to loose weight and feel better about myself and the low self esteem and be a part of my past and that should be your focus. You need to sit and talk to him. Or it will only cause problems. As you can see he's being sarcastic and its hurting your feelings.good luck

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I am really sorry, the struggle is hard enough without someone undermining your efforts. The last thing in the world you need is someone making you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. My advice to you is that you go to Counselling for yourself, to help you figure out strategies for dealing with his insecurities. I believe strongly that you can't control what someone does to you, but you can control how you react. Good luck!

I'm almost a month post surgery and my husband keeps saying don't get too skinny. I told him if he didn't like it let me know and I will gladly get someone who does. I didn't do this for him anyway and I keep reminding him of that. Keep getting to your goal and whatever happens it will be for the best. You will have people that support you and the one person you want to be there for you may not see that they want to be. That's their loss.

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I will pray that you and your spouse can resolve this issue.

I am coming up "blank" in the advice department. The only thing that comes to mind is a few months ago I was in Sam's club in the men's restroom and someone received a phone call. Nowadays, everyone have individual ring tones that tell you who is calling. In his case the ringtone was:

WARNING, WARNING, WIFE IS ON THE LINE, WIFE IS ON THE LINE, WARNING, WARNING

I thought it was very embarrassing, especially in the men's restroom. I imagined his wife programmed in the ringtone. Maybe if he had that ringtone, he might begin to realize that you are his WIFE, especially it it is drilled into him over and over again, every time you call.

That is ridiculous, I would never do that to him.

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Is your husband on meds and getting regular care for his PTSD? If so this change in behaviour is something that should be mentions to his care providers.Changeis very hard on those dealing with issue like PTSD and who don't feel "normal" in the first place. Maybe he is wondering who wnats to be with him let alone a gorgeous thin woman. They have always said losing weight is a sign that shows when people are ready to move on. I am sorry you and he are gong through this and that you find a way to be more comfortable with each other again.

Actually, he is supposed to be on medicine for it. He quit taking it about 3 years ago due to sexual side effects. I've been thinking for quite some time he needs back on them but there's no way to tell him that. He flips. He isn't the type of man who does anything that isn't his own way.

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I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

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