Does anyone else seem to feel like their spouse treats them differently?

I can't look at my phone without hearing, "what, ...are you talking to your boyfriend?"

I've been with my husband 7 years, never once giving him a reason to distrust me. I love him with everything I am. But I've heard this every day for about 3 weeks.

Tonight I was rolling over in bed and was asked if I was getting up to get my phone.

I just just can't understand this. I also can't seem to feel like I can take much more of it.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

Edited June 1, 201610 yr by jccanada

I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I hear something about "finding someone else" almost daily. I hope this isn't the start of the situation for you. Thank you and good luck as well.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I hear something about "finding someone else" almost daily. I hope this isn't the start of the situation for you. Thank you and good luck as well.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

Thanks! I'm going to try and resolve the issue now before it gets too ugly postop.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I remember hearing that same thing pre-op. I never thought it would go this far.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

Actually, he is supposed to be on medicine for it. He quit taking it about 3 years ago due to sexual side effects. I've been thinking for quite some time he needs back on them but there's no way to tell him that. He flips. He isn't the type of man who does anything that isn't his own way.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

If he is that controlling and is not following his treatment plan and "flips" over the idea of treatment or counseling, the least of your worries is your weight loss.

Are you safe? Does he go beyond controlling behavior? Does he hurt you?

I definitely recommend that you talk to a professional.

No, he never would physically hurt me. Just emotionally.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

No, he never would physically hurt me. Just emotionally.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

As a country it is a disgrace how we neglect our veterans and their families when it comes to mental health. Please make sure you take care of yourself. Even if he only hurts you emotionally, that is not acceptable.

Sending prayers.

It's a tough situation. I know that this is what is causing it. Not to mention his job, working 60 hours a week in about 115° with major responsibility. However I still shouldn't be put in this situation. I do everything I can to comfort him. Just wished I w I understand get the same in return instead of the blunt of everything.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

@@jccanada Counseling will help you - and maybe you will be able to help him. It's a very sad situation and I'm sorry for both of you. Is he still friends with anyone he served with? Maybe they could help him see that he needs medication and counseling. You both are in my prayers!

Thank you everyone.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

You have had great advise here. I think you may have "door mat" syndrome- my term, not a professional. I've not had that in any aspect of my marriage, except one- finances. My husband and I have very differing views, and I became a doormat to his tyranny for many many years. Counseling - first together and then alone- helped.

My advise? Just stand up and tell him you won't tolerate this behavior from him any longer and to KNOCK IT OFF. Plain and simple. If he needs further explanation, tell him you love and support him, are dedicated to your marriage, but if he continues down this path you will have no choice BUT to make changes yourself. Period.

Weight loss will bring forth a wellspring of insecurity in relationships that weren't solid to begin with. Luckily I haven't experienced this with my fiancée. Seems like people's relationships either get stronger or eventually collapse after this surgery. It seems like your weight loss has revealed a side of him you both weren't expecting? I say, you've fought hard for yourself to get healthy. It's not unfair to hold him to the same standards of health; and if that requires him to go seek medical help for his mental illness, so be it. But making excuses for him and saying he "flips" if mental health treatment options are brought up, leaves us with very little advice to give you, because it's probably advice you dont want to hear. You may need to face some serious, hard truths and confront the fact that he may not change his situation for you. Prayer will only get you so far in this predicament, I'm afraid. Counseling and medical help for mental illness is a must. Your safety is at risk. I have personal experience dealing with PTSD with a war vet. It can be a dangerous situation. Draw some lines in the sand. Let him know you're there for him but compromise is needed.

I'm preop so I'm not sure how my husband is going to react once I start losing the weight but he did ask me last night if I was gonna get all skinny and go find someone else. I've never had an issue with him before when I've lost weight but then again I've never lost as much as I will with this surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it resolves for you soon. Nothing worse than a husband that doesn't trust you!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

For what it's worth, I think it is probably normal to have some worry. We all know of people who lost weight, got a breast implant or even dental work and it gave them self confidence. Some of these people find someone else. However, if you start to doubt your decision or feel that your success is making someone unhappy, you may want to get counseling. If someone loves you, they should want you to be the best you can be.

I think it might have alot more due to his PTSD...try and get him to get help w this?

Sent from my SM-G730V using the BariatricPal App

I'm sure that wls is just the "reasoning" he's using with all of his stresses.

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App