Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Dating And The Perfect Body



Recommended Posts

Hi All! I am divorced (3 years), I was married for 28. I had VSG 3 1/2 years ago, and I am down 140 lbs. Woot! Woot! I am very happy with the results and I love my new body! BUT, I wonder, could my 'not so perfect' body be why my relationships have stalled out? No one has EVER said anything, and I would NEVER ask. But, I really do wonder. Are men (no offense guys, that is just who I am dealing with) REALLY that shallow? I can't imagine that there are that many woman, my age (I am 50 & a Mom of Twins) who have perfectly flawless bodies? With or without WLS! Maybe this ISN'T what's going on with my relationships, but, honestly, I am THIS CLOSE to starting out my profile with ... I DO NOT HAVE THE BODY OF AN 18 YEAR OLD!

Sent from my SM-G900T using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Are men that shallow"?

Only in as much as women are that shallow...

You're making assumptions that what you're experiencing is due to your 'not so perfect body'...

It may not be related to that at all...

So maybe, rather than assuming (potentially) incorrectly - ASK...

Ultimately, that's the best way to find stuff out...

Trust me...

I know stuff... ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@TammyL323 There are very few people who have perfect bodies. If you have only met men that expect perfection - then you need to branch out. ;-) I met my boyfriend weighing 270lbs - not all men are shallow. Congrats on your weight loss!! Flaunt what you've got - and have the attitude that you are perfect for someone!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Let me put it like this.....

I know multiple obese women who demand their men have perfect bodies. Surprisingly, most of these women I know do end up with guys who are out of their league. I don't understand it. But it happens. So no, men are not that shallow that they demand women to have perfect bodies.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Are men that shallow"?

Only in as much as women are that shallow...

You're making assumptions that what you're experiencing is due to your 'not so perfect body'...

It may not be related to that at all...

So maybe, rather than assuming (potentially) incorrectly - ASK...

Ultimately, that's the best way to find stuff out...

Trust me...

I know stuff... ;)

I apologize if I offended you, I was just asking if anyone felt that could be the reason. And, no, I have zero interest in conducting an exit interview. Whatever their reasons ... they were definitely not the one for me.

@@TammyL323 There are very few people who have perfect bodies. If you have only met men that expect perfection - then you need to branch out. ;-) I met my boyfriend weighing 270lbs - not all men are shallow. Congrats on your weight loss!! Flaunt what you've got - and have the attitude that you are perfect for someone!

Sent from my SM-G900T using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Could just be me but don't see too many "perfect" bodies around... Even people we think have the "perfect" body still see the flaws in themselves... Maybe your head just needs time to catch up with your body, your still seeing the old you but the men are dating the new you... I often thing fat has done more to screw up my head than it could ever do to my body... Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

make sure you are not reading your own insecurities about your body into other people's behavior, but if they have been obvious or straightforward enough that you're sure this is the issue....

you need to meet different men.

no matter what my weight, no matter any of my particulars every time they put me at that **** front desk men ask me out for dinner, to go home whatever. I think they find someone friendly and kind to be refreshing From the men I interact with I get the idea that is more important than a perfect body.

Lately everytime I go to the grocery store men approach me with shopping questions. and there isn't even beer in my cart?

bottom line, I meet really lovely men all over the place. I've got my hands full with the one I've got, but they're out there. make eye contact. smile. be kind. don't be in a hurry - get to know him well before revealing your body is even an issue so you are comfortable that this is not a problem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I should add I am divorced too. My first marriage I did have the perfect little 17 year old body. and yet after 9 years he threw me away.

So, when I met my husband I was really afraid that even though he loved me, he would be disappointed with my body.

we may have 99 problems, but my body isn't one of them.

I understand how that divorce can mess with your head. I don't allow myself to think about my first husband very often because I don't want to ever go back to how he made me feel. and it was 20 years ago!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A relationship that lasts is not one that cares about having a partner with a perfect body. I would argue that it is one that requires a mutual level of attraction, however if someone is willing to get to know you as a person before they "know" you in a biblical sense, they don't tend to care as much about a few stretch marks because most women have them and their value is in WHO they are, not in what their butt looks like.

My last relationship was with someone I had talked to for six months before we really started dating and almost 8 months before I had to explain why I have plastic surgery scars. At the time I had a giant hole in my back that had to be covered by a huge bandage because my last surgery had an infection. Never once did he seem to care, and now a year and a half later, while we didn't work out as a couple. we're still friends, neither of us has dated anyone else, and I don't have any belief that if I had a perfect body he would have liked me better. As a note, he's 28, rich, and is super hot, so if he isn't shallow enough to care that my thighs are kinda flabby and my butt is not super hot, then I can believe that there are plenty of men in the world that are like him.

So, yes, some men are exactly that shallow, but so too are women- the trick is finding someone that is just as shallow as you are- no more, no less, and then you can worry about the things in a relationship that matter.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, yes, some men are exactly that shallow, but so too are women- the trick is finding someone that is just as shallow as you are- no more, no less, and then you can worry about the things in a relationship that matter.

YES> this. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think we're far more critical of our body than most men could ever be...

If a man is taking you on a date he's seen what you look like... When it's time to get busy, I never came across a man who said oh you have a stretch mark let's just forget it lol...

Just to add you can always do things to make yourself feel better about your body, get a wax, buy some matching bra and panties, get some new makeup etc...... Men get into what turns them on... Men please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on any of this.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Edited by nyteacher125

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@TammyL323

Nah, not offended at all...

I guess the reality is that it COULD be the reason...

But I'd say it's unlikely...

And yes, you're right...

They're obviously not the right one(s) for you...

Good luck to you...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I learned a long time ago from my ex that beauty is only skin deep! What's on the inside is far more important in the long run...far more important.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Obviously, not!

My husband chose me. And my body was / is so not perfect.

Neither is his.

It seems irrelevant to how we feel about each other.

BTW, congrats on losing your excess weight and maintaining your weight loss. That's really great! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×