Anyone not telling anyone about their surgery?

[ironpoorer 88]

Most everyone I know is aware of my surgery; I see no reason to hide it. Everyone has been very supportive, several co-workers have even asked for my surgeons contact info.

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[cozycastle50 19]

My NUT told me they had a lady who kept it from her husband

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[LMSWNYC 119]

Omg! How does one hide surgery from their husband ?

[DeletedMember 715]

I told just a few people. My wife and kids, my mother/siblings and my in-laws.

Everyone has been supportive, but my wife and family just do not have the capacity to keep their mouths shut. Instead of telling nobody as I asked them to, they have literally told every single person I see in a regular basis, even the lady that cleans my house.

It makes me extremely angry that they betrayed me.

My main motivation for keeping it secret was to avoid the constant interrogation. I know people ask because they care, but I get tired of saying the same things over and over. And that is exactly what is happening. Every time I see anyone, I get 100 questions. It's exhausting.

[LMSWNYC 119]

Msujester I completely understand how you feel. My mom and great aunt did the same thing. I told them I did not want extended family to know and they have told everyone. Even people I only see about once a year. I confronted them about it and they claimed they did not know I would be offended since they just told family. Now every time I see a family member that is all they want to know. I feel constantly monitored every where I go. Luckily I did not tell people at work so they dont ask me anything about surgery. Yet, they have noticed my weight loss and I know they speculate but I dont have to explain myself to them.

[UCLA man 101]

I started the process with 6 mo medically supervised diet 8 months ago and at that time I thought 'why would anyone want to keep this a secret'? Afterall, it is advised that a strong support system is needed for this surgery in particular. Well, now I know.....When I began to talk about this with my therapist he was mostly silent until 6 months passed and he said I was taking the 'easy way out'. I stopped seeing him after that and found a therapist that has experience with this. She is supportive.

When I told my sister I didn't expect much support from her.

She hasn't called me since.

Surgery is in 2 days and I can say now I know why people keep this a secret.

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

I'm early in the process. I have been to the info session, met my surgeon and NUT and in the 3 month supervised phase. My Upper GI is next week and my psych eval is in June. I'm on target to have surgery in August or September depending on approvals.

So far, I have told my husband, my two teenagers and 1 friend who I know will take it to the grave. I'm still deciding about what to say to others. Most who have known me have seen me gain and lose weight frequently. I just haven't decided yet. Right now, I can just say I'm watching what I eat and exercising more (which I am) and decide after surgery if I need to say anything. I'm unlikely to have to take time from work because I'll be in the hospital one night and my surgeon usually does these on Thursdays. So I can be back in the office on Monday. (I was back in my office part-time 10 days after a c-section - I'm one of those nuts.) But I'm only in the office 2x a week and work from home the rest of the time.

[finding_onederland 226]

I am glad for this topic! I am early on in the process, and so far have discussed the surgery with my husband, my BFF and another close friend (because she just got sleeved and is the whole reason I am considering the surgery).

I think I have pretty much decided I am not telling my extended family, I don't see them often and they know I am always trying to lose weight.

I am thinking I will have to tell my kids (since they live with me and will wonder why I am eating differently).

So, as far as work goes - they can't ask what kind of surgery I am having? Although I am guessing people will put two and two together if I come back after being gone for two weeks and have lost weight?

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

So, as far as work goes - they can't ask what kind of surgery I am having? Although I am guessing people will put two and two together if I come back after being gone for two weeks and have lost weight?

For the most part, no. You may need to bring in a note from a doc saying you had surgery and need to be out for a certain period before you can return to work full duty, but generally no. It depends on a lot of things (e.g. size of company, state you live in, public vs. private employer).

[LMSWNYC 119]

Ucla man - glad you got s new therapist. That was very unprofessional of your previous therapist. Unfortunately not everyone is understanding of this process. There is plenty of stigma surrounding it.

[Cape Crooner 589]

I have a lengthy thread on this "Oh, the lying". I think it's a "tell everyone" or "tell no one" proposition. I told 6 people and that was 5 too many.

After losing 95 lbs in 5 months, it's all everyone wants to talk about and I'm so sick of it.

In terms of your situation, I'd steer clear of any events that involve dinning. If someone you trust/respect asks, I'd tell them something like "I decided to make some major lifestyle changes and lose a lot of weight. I'm doing exactly what my doctor and nutritionalist tell me to do, and they suggest I avoid social dining situations."

In 2 months, when you're down 30 - 50 lbs. , they'll all want to know "your secret". Tell them your doing exactly what your doctor tells you to do. If they persist, suggest that they go ask THEIR DOCTOR!

Edited May 17, 2016 by Cape Crooner

[CelesteMarie 129]

I don't give a rat's ass what people say. I didn't tell anyone up to the surgery because I wasn't sure it was gonna happen, but a few weeks before, a few people knew. The week of, I told people and when I returned to work, (I manage a restaurant) I didn't mind telling those who wanted to know. It's no big deal to me. I did it mainly to control my diabetes. I was sick of dealing with the high sugars and trying to eat right blah blah blah. Now I feel great, only 12 days post op, and I don't care who knows. It's personal preference though. If you wanna keep it to yourself, but all means do so. You can always tell them later on.

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[CrazyB 10]

Other than my partner its my business frankly. I have done my homework on this and I dont need ignorant advice from those who know nothing of the condition.

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[Killian 270]

I told just a few people. My wife and kids, my mother/siblings and my in-laws.

Everyone has been supportive, but my wife and family just do not have the capacity to keep their mouths shut. Instead of telling nobody as I asked them to, they have literally told every single person I see in a regular basis, even the lady that cleans my house.

It makes me extremely angry that they betrayed me.

My main motivation for keeping it secret was to avoid the constant interrogation. I know people ask because they care, but I get tired of saying the same things over and over. And that is exactly what is happening. Every time I see anyone, I get 100 questions. It's exhausting.

Completely agree. I know people will ask because they genuinely care and all that, but I dont want our converstations to be about weight loss. If it could be:

"did you have surgery? "

"Yup"

"You look great. Glad the surgery went well."

"Thanks!"

"How 'bout them Yankees?"

But life is not lile that and like you, I dont want to answer the same 100 questions.

Luckily, my wife has not told anyone about my impending surgery (Aug/ Sept).

[taramarie523 116]

Here's a little follow up since my original post!!

I am now almost 3 week post op! I feel fantastic! In my original post I was so nervous about my sons class trip to the zoo that was 2 weeks post op. Well I had no problem going on that trip last week. I had energy to keep up. I just started pureed that day so I packed extra Water with me and kept sipping all day and a yogurt for lunch time. I took a few spoonfuls of yogurt and was fine. No one else thought anything of it. The following day I had plans with a friend for my son and I to come over for a pizza play date. We went and I just said i was on a special diet brought a yogurt with me and declines the wine for water due to my "diet".

The first few days post op were tiring but after day 3 or 4 I was raring to go. For me meal times were a little tough bc I do have 3 small children to prepare meals for. Breakfast and lunch were no big deal. dinner was hard to make and sit down with my bowl of broth but it was short lived and it gets easier each day. So far I'm very happy with my decision to get sleeved.

As far as keeping the secret to yourself it can be done and I wouldn't worry about anyone else. I'm talking about dieting and exercise with friends so hopefully it just looks like that's where he weight loss came in to play.

My advice is just to be confident and this is our story we don't have to live an open book for the world to know.

Negative people will make comments whether they no or not so just be confident in yourself and don't let anyone else get in your head!

Cheers to you all! Good luck on your journey!! ❤️❤️❤️

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