I'm 32 years old and was sleeved a couple years ago. It's completely changed my life for the better.

My husband is two years younger than me. When we met three years ago I was 250lbs and he weighed about 285lbs.

Now I weigh 145lbs and he's about 340 - 350ish. He has severe obstructive sleep apnea, has trouble walking up and down stairs, gets winded when sitting still, complains of joint pain, sweats profusely with minimal activity, has trouble breathing, and we almost never have sex anymore because its difficult since his stomach is very large and gets in the way no matter what position we try.

Earlier this week he went to bend down and grab something and his pants ripped leaving a huge gaping hole that can't be repaired.

When he eats, he moans after each bite and opens his mouth as wide as he can pushing in as much food as possible. I get worried when he drives because his stomach is almost touching the wheel which doesn't seem safe. :-(

Over the last few months he has broken a kitchen chair, one of the seats in my mom's car, my cousins bed and last night while we were talking in bed one of tue wooden slats on his side broke.

Our bed is practically brand new (we bought it in January along with the mattress), king size and not cheap. Because of his weight, my dad reinforced our bed when they put it together by adding 7 extra wooden slats (the bed came with 3) underneath.

My husband said it wasn't him, the wood was just weak. Later he tried to get into bed again and there was another loud crack and another slat broke. So he ended up sleeping on the couch and said he's going to order some steel bed slats from the Internet and then it'll be fine.

Despite all these things, he continues to refuse to have surgery. He says he can do it with weight watchers. He goes to meetings and loses .4 lbs, then gains 2lbs, then loses .8 lbs, then maybe another .2 lbs, then gains another 1.5 lbs and so on. It's not much progress and honestly I don't believe he can do it on his own because he doesn't track his points or exercise.

I talked to his parents about my concerns during Christmas. He got upset when they confronted him about it, then he stopped eating red meat for awhile and now he's right back at it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I love him but I'm so disgusted with how he's living his life. I try to be loving and supportive but I don't want my husband to die or get diabetes/have a heart attack/stroke etc. I've told him that and still he refuses the surgery.

I've cried, yelled, kept quiet, begged, demanded and so forth. I've talked about how my health and life have improved. I reminded him diabetes runs on both the matermal and paternal side of his family. His dad's diabetes have even led to kidney failure.

Nothing works. He just keeps saying he's making changes and is going to lose 200 lbs in three years.

Has anyone been through this or have advice?

Since I'm on marriage #3, I don't feel like I should be giving marital advice. I certainly won't tell you to stick with him because you made a promise. I believe marriage is a contract, and when one side isn't living up to their end of it, the other side isn't obligated to keep their end up. However, I'm also not going to tell you to bail, because there is a "sickness and health" kind of thing going on. Ultimately, the fate of your marriage will depend on a lot more than you can convey here, and only you will know what choice is right.

That being said, I have been to a lot of counseling and learned a lot through my 2 failed marriages. I highly recommend a book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud. Many of us in today's society don't know how to establish healthy boundaries. What is me, what is you. Ultimately, your husband will have to decide for himself to make a change. Whether surgery or not, he is the only one who can change him. You are only in charge of you. You can choose to stop engaging in behaviour that is destructive to you. You can ask for what you need in the marriage. Not things he has to change about himself, but what you need. And you can establish what your deal breakers are, and communicate those in a loving way. Focus on becoming a healthy, self-actualized human, and see where that takes you.

I hope the best for both of you!