Ok, bit the bullet and ordered the book

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

@@Stevehud I hear what you are saying and game playing is just dumb and immature. I do think it is quite a puzzle though how a woman is supposed to be into a guy, but not "too into him". I am not walking on eggshells for someone I don't even really know because I have no idea how to guess what a man seeks on the neediness scale.

My main point is to not narrow my focus so quickly - to break that dating pattern as it hasn't really been working very well in terms of finding someone compatible for longer term. I feel that if a person wants to date exclusively there should be a conversation to that end.

Having said all that, I am not capable of spending so much time towards this project that it becomes a second job. There has to be a middle ground.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

[AvaFern 3,516]

I read part of that book! I didn't like it, lol. You know which books I did love though "Why Men Love BItches" and "Why Men Marry B*tches". It's not about being a B, lol, just about how much more attractive women are when they have their own life, their own goals, and don't sit around waiting on a man. Also, the books are funny, lol, so even though the advice is good, it's a fast read because you laugh a lot.

[GibbsGirl 483]

I love the book and the sequel. I am interested in reading more so I will look at the other books people mention. What I took from the book was that women need to realize their worth and understand they need to set boundaries and expectations.

I have suggested it to some college girls because knowledge is power. To me the 3 month rule is not about withholding but getting to know each other before going to the next level. Some women equate love and sex, it's not always the same thing.

Iv been trying to find a book my Dad bought his girls long ago by Dr. Laura. What I remember of it was kind of the same thing, know your worth.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

i am married and as such cant speak currently to the holding pattern juggling thing, but ill say this, any guy who has been burned once by a woman seeing other men even while dating, will just walk away or let it all go because they dont want t to risk the same thing happening again. I do find from friends a big issue is woman who give off the, im fine without you vibe. Its an instant turn off for them when a woman treats dating like its the lowest thing on their list of "to do" items. While you dont want to appear needy, you also dont want to seem like everything else in your life is more important.

I'm not sure why anyone dating would expect the relationship to be exclusive instantly. If someone wants an exclusive relationship there should be a conversation about it.

Playing golf in the afternoon and going to dinner once doesn't make me someone's girlfriend. That is like some guy buying you a drink at the bar and thinks he owns you for the night.

I really don't think that is normal behavior, especially not for GenX.

Dating more than one person is not game playing. There is no reason to dedicate all you time to one person. Especially if you are a young woman looking for a partner to have children with. Dating one person at a time really narrows the net you can cast.

Believe me these guys are casting the widest net possible.

[BethinPA 305]

No way could I do the serial dating thing - I do not have the time, energy or mental focus for that. I'd have to be taking notes when talking with people to keep their details straight! I did read an e-book that, to be honest, I didn't find to be too helpful, but the focus was on serial dating, how to do it and why to do it. You might find a helpful kernel of information on her website - her name is Rori Raye. Can't hurt to look!

[BethinPA 305]

@@CowgirlJane

"Hell, at my age I am pretty stoked to find a guy who matches my libido...but I digress."

I hear you! I am also guilty of narrowing the field down too soon as well. For instance, I am currently seeing this guy about once a week. He is a busy professional. I am in the middle of tax season. I happened to notice that he is still active on the dating site we met on (I see his name listed as online almost daily) Do I take that as a sign that he is less interested in me? I have friends telling me that is reason to kick him to the curb. I really like him and confronting him about it is not my style.

I don't think that is a reason to kick him to the curb, but I wouldn't assume that he isn't serious about seeing only you either. If you like spending time with him, I don't see why not continue to do so. I am very happy in my relationship, but I still will look at a profile on Match on occasion. I'm not looking to date anyone else, but I might know someone, or be curious about someone or something about their profile. You are only seeing him once a week, so I wouldn't expect exclusivity at this point.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I just want to know what "serial dating" means. Items in a series are usually sequential not simultaneous. Maybe people can't spell simultaneous so serial is the ironic name for it? I had to actually ask someone what that meant because I could not use the word serial in the context of dating. I have heard of "serial monogamous" which of course is people who daisy chain from one exclusive physical "relationship" to the next.

You know the other phrase I see on 90percent of men's profiles "down to earth" I live in the land of geeks and computer programmers. Not sure how many of them actually touch earth with bare hands so what is meant? If I wear makeup am I ejected from the down to earth crowd? I am a straight shooter so to speak, not good at games etc. so does that make me "down to earth"?

I don't know why but certain predictable phrases that can mean so many things kinda put me off.

Good thing there are another 10,000 profiles to look at (that was intended to be humor)

No way could I do the serial dating thing - I do not have the time, energy or mental focus for that. I'd have to be taking notes when talking with people to keep their details straight! I did read an e-book that, to be honest, I didn't find to be too helpful, but the focus was on serial dating, how to do it and why to do it. You might find a helpful kernel of information on her website - her name is Rori Raye. Can't hurt to look!

[Stevehud 1,790]

lol down to earth to me would mean, your not esoteric, not into the glamour and glitz and not into the Kardashians and everything is expensive tastes and champagne etc.down to earth can also mean lazy and boring . a couch potato. someone who doesn't like to go out and be active just kinda low and slow.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Don't forget! A date can be a cup of coffee, an hour cooking class, a quick lunch, or a walk around the park. It does not have to be at night and it does not have to last hours.

[MayMarie 349]

As far as the payment for a date goes... Unless the guy is a total turd during the date I offer to go Dutch. They always insist they pay (most men see it as a statement of their manliness to pay for at least the first 3 dates it seems). I feel like the man should pay for the first date but after that it's very nice but unnecessary.

[Stevehud 1,790]

i am married and as such cant speak currently to the holding pattern juggling thing, but ill say this, any guy who has been burned once by a woman seeing other men even while dating, will just walk away or let it all go because they dont want t to risk the same thing happening again. I do find from friends a big issue is woman who give off the, im fine without you vibe. Its an instant turn off for them when a woman treats dating like its the lowest thing on their list of "to do" items. While you dont want to appear needy, you also dont want to seem like everything else in your life is more important.

I'm not sure why anyone dating would expect the relationship to be exclusive instantly. If someone wants an exclusive relationship there should be a conversation about it.

Playing golf in the afternoon and going to dinner once doesn't make me someone's girlfriend. That is like some guy buying you a drink at the bar and thinks he owns you for the night.

I really don't think that is normal behavior, especially not for GenX.

Dating more than one person is not game playing. There is no reason to dedicate all you time to one person. Especially if you are a young woman looking for a partner to have children with. Dating one person at a time really narrows the net you can cast.

Believe me these guys are casting the widest net possible.

on a first date sure no problem, but we dont want to compete for you either. see thats something women dont really understand about men, well okay thats a huge generalization. but you have to understand, we compete just by our general nature. its what we are as men. One of my favorite relationship things was that for example, when a woman comes home and tells her male about so and so at work, or that their boss did this or that, we as men want to fix it, so we tell you what to do, or what we think you should do. But you aren't asking how to solve it, you just want someone to empathize with what you are saying, not get to the facts and solve it as a problem to be solved.

This illustrates a lot. if i find out your dating 2 other guys and me, then immediately i have to classify myself in a hierarchy pecking order of which one of us is best, so i have to now compete for you, and the whole time we are dating i will remember in the back of my mind that you have others waiting in the wings and i have to work hard at this, then why am i in it. Thats how we do things. So while no one SAYS you have to be exclusive, we dont want to be just another guy standing in line. And for guys that have been burned before, we will instantly take the words " seeing other people" as a warning, and many of us will run the other way.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Ok, I am definitely NOT down to earth even tho I completely ignore Kardasians and other reality/pop culture stuff.

Bring on the glamour and glitz, one of the things I loved about Monterrey Mexico is women aren't afraid to wear spike heels with skinny jeans and something hip on top and sparkly jewelry. If I dressed like that were I live I'd probably be picked up by the cops as a suspicious looking woman -ha! But I would dress like that if it were socially acceptable. I like shiny things -inherited trait from my mother.

I own 3 cocktail dresses, killer shoes and so few dang cocktail parties to wear them to!

lol down to earth to me would mean, your not esoteric, not into the glamour and glitz and not into the Kardashians and everything is expensive tastes and champagne etc.down to earth can also mean lazy and boring . a couch potato. someone who doesn't like to go out and be active just kinda low and slow.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

on a first date sure no problem, but we dont want to compete for you either. see thats something women dont really understand about men, well okay thats a huge generalization. but you have to understand, we compete just by our general nature. its what we are as men. One of my favorite relationship things was that for example, when a woman comes home and tells her male about so and so at work, or that their boss did this or that, we as men want to fix it, so we tell you what to do, or what we think you should do. But you aren't asking how to solve it, you just want someone to empathize with what you are saying, not get to the facts and solve it as a problem to be solved.

This illustrates a lot. if i find out your dating 2 other guys and me, then immediately i have to classify myself in a hierarchy pecking order of which one of us is best, so i have to now compete for you, and the whole time we are dating i will remember in the back of my mind that you have others waiting in the wings and i have to work hard at this, then why am i in it. Thats how we do things. So while no one SAYS you have to be exclusive, we dont want to be just another guy standing in line. And for guys that have been burned before, we will instantly take the words " seeing other people" as a warning, and many of us will run the other way.

How many dates do you think it should take for a someone to date another person exclusively? That is like a whole next level of a relationship.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

@@OutsideMatchInside I don't know if it is generational or just some of us personal attributes, but in my past if I met someone I connect with - I immediately lose interest in others. I think it was more the norm at one time to quite quickly become exclusive. After I was divorced when I was a single mom I went on exactly one date each with 2 different men, met someone great and spent the next 12 years with him. (We are still great friends just not life partners). Maybe I am a weirdo, but I think that was more normal or standard at one time - at least for women. I had very little dating experience until the last few years.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@CowgirlJane

I think a lot of people are like that. That is how they get trapped in serial monogamy.

The thing is once you get to a certain age, and you are looking for someone to have children with you don't have that time luxury, to date one buy for a few weeks to find out he isn't the right guy.

I also think there is some disconnect on how we are talking because lets face it, meeting strangers, most of them don't make it past that first coffee date. Fewer make it past the 2nd date and so on. So even if you are texting and talking for 3 or 4 guys at a time. you might only get to date 2 with one of them.

For women that zero in on one guy early on, the advice that most books have is to date more than one guy. But what qualifies as date now is more like talk to interact with. Dating now involves a lot of texting. *sigh*

I'm not looking for marriage or someone to have babies with. I am just looking for a travel and activity partner with a bit of culture. My requirements kind of narrow my pool of men to choose from. I can't afford to text. go on a few casual dates with one guy at a time. What I am looking for is pretty rare in the age range I am looking for and I have to maximize results.

I still think the whole dating thing is different with technology. When I was in college, you went out with someone, then that was your boyfriend. It was easy. Grown up life is complicated.