If this wasn't so pathetic it would be hilarious

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Or maybe it still is.

So a week ago I joined eHarmony. After a week, there are still NO matches for me within 100 miles. SERIOUSLY??????

I also joined OKCupid. Oyyy. Here's the week's rundown on who has contacted me:

6 guys who claim they are in the army and are deployed overseas. One guy's picture showed him wearing his army uniform incorrectly, and when I called him on it, he said "bye then." One guy who asked me my name (my first name is in my screen name like here). I replied, "Oh c'mon, you know my name." Then when he didn't respond, I said, "I'm losing faith in you, Mr. Smith (the name on his uniform). You know my name. Or is your name really Akwa from Nigeria??" He responded "ok bye". The jury is still out on whether the other 4 are legit or not.

One FBI agent, three Secret Service agents, and one British Intelligence Agent. Of course, NONE of them can really talk about themselves, but will "tell all when we meet". Yeah. Uh huh.

About 25 really bad scammers. Since I used to work for a kink site that had a dating section, I can spot them a mile away. Their messages go like this: "Am John by name. Am kind, am hardworking, am loyal. Seeking for honest woman."

Oh yes, another relatively-new scammer tactic... they use the word TACO in their screen name. Like this: John_taco or Jimbanx_taco. Not sure why they all suddenly think the word "taco" is appropriate.

Another two dozen guys that are looking for someone local (on their profiles) but are a minimum of 1,000 miles away. Not really sure what their deal is.

Two guys that are local to me, and another one 40 miles away. These three I might actually meet. I like the 40-mile guy the most, of course, since that's the one that's the most difficult logistically. For these three, I contacted them first.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the 22 year old who wanted "Mommy-son roleplay." No. Just... no.

Edited January 22, 2016 by Sharon1964

[Margie122 845]

NO! JUST NO on the mommy-son role play. BLECH!

Hope it works out with the 40 mile away guy

GOOD LUCK!

[Paula'sVSGLife 49]

I met my husband on OKC so there are a few diamonds in the rough

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I have had success in the sense of meeting plenty of REAL local men (not success in terms of finding long term relationship) who are not too freaky, have jobs, well groomed and appear normal and within a twenty mile range. They key has been to hide my profile and contact THEM first. As far as I know POF is the only place you can do that.

I was flooded with crap on OKC. Out of state, half my age, twice my age (or looked it!). It was part of what contributed to my burnout.like 50 bogus messages a day is ridiculous!

[Paula'sVSGLife 49]

Oh yeah I got a bunch of losers. A LOT of 18 - 20 yr old boys wanted a cougar. No thanks!

[lisacaron 5,075]

OK your right it was pretty funny and yet kind of sad and made me a bit angry as well!

I met my husband way back when yahoo had a personals section, and it had a free trial period. We met in that time frame, even though I wasn't looking for a relationship having just thrown my husband of 20 years out of the house for cheating on me. What I was looking for was to pop that bubble of doubt in my mind that no one would want me, that I would be alone...blah blah you get it.

I met more than a few nice guys. We went out, I had fun and I more than got over my self esteem issues. I felt like me again, and I'd missed me! Then I met my husband...and we clicked.

So when it came time that the "trial" was up I shut down my profile. I didn't know that I would get married to this guy, but I was done with the "dating" scene for a while. (Long story, health issue, cancer scare)

So what upsets me about your post is all these scammers, these WAY out of the country people trying to scam you to "save" their sorry a*s. What really makes me mad as hell is that you PAY these providers, and they should be weeding through these bogus e-mails! Your paying for a service to connect with others who share your common interest, and would like to get to know you and vs versa.

Just as I was shutting down my profile I started getting those bogus messages and I thought to myself "I'm glad I'm not paying for this or I would be really upset." Now I am upset for you and others who pay providers to help you find a "match" and you have to weed through the dangerous scams like that. I am also upset to watch their stupid commercials 100 times a day knowing that they are not screening out the tacos!!! Maybe your in the mood for a burrito!!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Great. Now I want a burrito!

[bikrchk 1,313]

Heh. Eharmony was unable to match me with a single person either. I ended up getting a refund back thru Apple since that's where I purchased the subscription. I have had some luck with Match and POF. Match definitely has higher quality. It's there with POF but you have to be willing to "weed thru a lot of duds to find a stud". And I've met "secret agent man" and most of the other losers you mention. Here's the deal... Online dating is a numbers game. In my experience you have to be willing to sweep 90% of the crap away to find the 10% that might be cool. And be willing to take none of it personally until you are in a serious relationship. They can be found meeting someone online if you have the patience. Anyway... hang in there and try to enjoy the ride!

[Dub 10,046]

You should write a book. Had me laughing the whole time at their description.

I hope the 40 mile guy is not a secret agent, but just a superbadass dude who will make you laugh, swoon and want to do bad things.....and good things. You deserve it !!!!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

You should write a book. Had me laughing the whole time at their description.

I hope the 40 mile guy is not a secret agent, but just a superbadass dude who will make you laugh, swoon and want to do bad things.....and good things. You deserve it !!!!

Yeah, well. He considers Kansas City his home, and is here (California) on a temporary job, that has no end in sight and he's been here going on a year I think. The company puts him up in a hotel and gives him a rental car, so it's not like he's planning on staying.

[BabyNewYear 31]

Wow, that is bleak. If it makes you feel any better my 20 something is having the same issues. What about trying some in- person experiences where you can meet face to face? I live in the Philly area and they have these adventure dating singles meet up programs. You do a fun activity like kayaking a river with other singles.< /p>

I have been married 25 years but I met my hubby on a blind date so "keep the faith" and try some non-cyber possibilities.

Good Luck in your search.

[Heather I 500]

Just my two cents, but I had zero luck with E-Harmony when I was on it years ago. I was pissed, too, because they market it (to me, anyway,) as the more "sensitive, evolved" kind of site -- not focusing on looks but more on compatibility/values, yada, yada, yada.

Well, I spent FOREVER filling out that ridiculous (and very personal) questionnaire in good faith, hoping to find a like-minded soul. HA! The only jerks who responded had obviously never read my profile, and somehow they managed to avoid filling out any of THEIR profiles, aside from some loser screen name like "JohnYankeesFan 2008989," and were duds.

POF, my friends have tried, and all the guys seem unemployed or creeps! I'm kinda thinking if you can't afford $20-$30 a month to find a soul mate/spouse/hit it partner worth screwing, I don't want to know you -- and I don't want you hitting on my friends.

Match was my go-to, and at least for me and my husband, it worked out good. I think they have the widest pool of people, and it's the right mix of information on the profile, without writing a novella to bore people before they get to know you in person. (Assuming someone took the time to read your profile in the first place and didn't just go off your picture.)

My husband met his first (late) wife on Match, and after much dating, I met my husband on Match. We were both honest and to-the-point in our profiles though. (On our first date I asked him -- kidding -- if he was looking for a one-night-stand -- to which he replied, "fuck no, I'm too old for that shit." I loved it! LOL)

We both were serious about finding someone and met and were married within 10 months.

This October is our 5th anniversary -- two kids later, job changes, injury, life changes, and going strong. There are good people out there, but finding the rose among the dandelions is quite the chore;-/

I'm very glad I'm not out there any more. Dating is nothing like what you see in the movies. 99% is a crappy time waster -- until you find that 1% that makes you turn to mush.

[prettyCali916 299]

Just my two cents, but I had zero luck with E-Harmony when I was on it years ago. I was pissed, too, because they market it (to me, anyway,) as the more "sensitive, evolved" kind of site -- not focusing on looks but more on compatibility/values, yada, yada, yada.

Well, I spent FOREVER filling out that ridiculous (and very personal) questionnaire in good faith, hoping to find a like-minded soul. HA! The only jerks who responded had obviously never read my profile, and somehow they managed to avoid filling out any of THEIR profiles, aside from some loser screen name like "JohnYankeesFan 2008989," and were duds.

POF, my friends have tried, and all the guys seem unemployed or creeps! I'm kinda thinking if you can't afford $20-$30 a month to find a soul mate/spouse/hit it partner worth screwing, I don't want to know you -- and I don't want you hitting on my friends.

Match was my go-to, and at least for me and my husband, it worked out good. I think they have the widest pool of people, and it's the right mix of information on the profile, without writing a novella to bore people before they get to know you in person. (Assuming someone took the time to read your profile in the first place and didn't just go off your picture.)

My husband met his first (late) wife on Match, and after much dating, I met my husband on Match. We were both honest and to-the-point in our profiles though. (On our first date I asked him -- kidding -- if he was looking for a one-night-stand -- to which he replied, "f**k no, I'm too old for that ****." I loved it! LOL)

We both were serious about finding someone and met and were married within 10 months.

This October is our 5th anniversary -- two kids later, job changes, injury, life changes, and going strong. There are good people out there, but finding the rose among the dandelions is quite the chore;-/

I'm very glad I'm not out there any more. Dating is nothing like what you see in the movies. 99% is a crappy time waster -- until you find that 1% that makes you turn to mush.

Aw!!! I love sweet stories that end up happily!

OP - Impressed at your skills in sifting through all the BS out there. I wish you the best and hope the creepers stay away!!!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Hotel and rental car.

Yeah ....

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

@@lisacaron, I love it. "Screening out the tacos." A new euphemism I can appreciate!