I posted a thread a few days ago about grocery shopping but things other than food are on my mind. I had a response to a couple in the store that surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for a moment.

I saw a couple shopping. She was in a motorized cart while he was pushing a regular grocery cart. Both were sweating profusely. The woman looked like she might be close to 400lbs and the man was much larger. (Keep in mind I used to weigh almost 450lbs myself.) He was the one I reacted to. I passed him in the aisle, he was struggling to walk. He was clearly in pain and he smelled bad. The smell took over that whole section of the store. I noted people recoiling and walking in the opposite direction when they got close enough to smell - which wasn't very close. Most showed no outward reaction but a few were muttering. One shopper called him an "Obeast".

I found myself agreeing with the people who were acting a little rude. I mean, their carts were FULL of every high fat, high calorie, high carb, deep fried or frosted thing you can think of. I started to recoil and thought to take another route through the store before I realized this was hypocritical and just ugly of me.

I don't think I ever let myself smell bad but other than that, I WAS one of them for a long time and it wasn't very long ago. I understand this addiction. I understand having given up on yourself. I understand being taken over by something you need help taking yourself back from.

I believe this is what happens to pain that can't be processed in some people (it's too big maybe, or it doesn't stop). Addiction always looks to me like pain filling the place where love was meant to go. It hurts, can't be tolerated and whatever we're using hurts less or becomes so necessary that we're just lost and can't find our way out. (Not everyone who needs WLS is going to relate to this but I hope many will.)

Coming from where I started and also having a degree that should sensitize me to human behavior, prejudices, etc. didn't help. Most people in my life describe me as the consummate mommy. I don't treat people in ways that make them feel bad about themselves, ever. With my history, with my education, my usual treatment of everyone I cross paths with; my first reaction was still disgust and judgment. It didn't last and I most certainly didn't act on it but I'm still a little upset with myself - not even sure why. Maybe they scared me. I know I can return to that path any time I start letting myself think the wrong thoughts or lose sight of how powerfully I was held in the grip of an addiction that called the shots in my life for many years.

I feel bad because my reasoned response was understanding, compassion, well-wishing, kind thoughts. My initial reaction was the same ugliness as everyone else around them.

I suppose I'm starting this thread because I hope we can just talk about it. I'm curious how other people who've had struggles with weight feel and react to such things.

It's nice to have a post like this and see the thought processes that we work out along the way. We're working it out and I like that we can admit that our false ego can roar it's head but that's natural. It's bringing it back home is where it counts.

Great thread and thoughts! I love when I find a thread that has some good substance! Thanks for sharing it I think we're better people for having read and participated! How often can you say that from a social media forum!! ???? keepin on keepin on everyone!! Blessings! ❤️

I'm surprised so many people can relate to this topic. Thanks all :-)

If I'd seen that couple you described, I know that I also would have been repelled by their appearance, odor, and the contents of their shopping cart.

I don't think we feel single, simple emotions at any given time, but rather a mix of them. A big emotion I'd have felt in that situation would have been fear. At my heaviest I weighed 235 pounds, but I was still nearly immobilized. That fear of losing access to a good life was pretty terrifying. Seeing that couple would have triggered my fears.

I'd also have felt disgust, sympathy, curiosity, and schadenfreude. I'd have had the same feelings pre-op. Most of those reactions would have been the hard-wired reactions primates have to outsiders and outliers. My point is that many of our emotions aren't rational, but instinctual.

So rather than labeling my or others' feelings as "ugly," I'm interested in becoming more aware of and mindful of what I'm feeling and then exploring what that means about me and for me going forward. I'm 100% socially responsible for how I behave around others (calling them "Obeast" is beyond the pale!). But I don't know that I want to or that I even could regulate my feelings.

This is a great topic. Thank you for bringing it up. But it's a complicated subject.

I just would have felt sadness pure sadness I feel sorry for folks like them because they clearly have a problem but don't know or have given up all hope how to fix it