Husband rant!

[dhrguru 1,238]

One said jackass, the other a*****e lol. Just because your husband is lacking in one arena that you find important doesn't diminish all the other ways he shows your love. That is the problem with venting online to strangers that know nothing about you and your complete story of life. They only hear a portion of what is going on. No one and no relationship is without fault.

Did he compliment you pre-surgery on a new outfit or hairdo or new job?

Exactly and exactly.

And not to beat a dead horse... no, he rarely to never compliments me. Its a long bone of contention for me-- which I was hoping would be different with something this dramatic. It isn't-- I'll get over it.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Okay, so it's not something new. If it was then maybe we could say he jealous or worried about your new found body, but it's who he is. He must show love in other ways, hence why you have been married to him for 10 years! Keep doing you. He will hear others compliment you and he may or may not follow. You are doing great.

[_Kate_ 2,224]

@@Pinkgirl1234

"Listen this is not a marriage counseling site.You are on your own weight loss journey and that what we are here to support you on...all this other nonsense about the fact that your husband doesn't compliment you is a waste of time.I am right there with VSGAnn....don't care about the woes and approval of your significant other compared to his comments about your son.No one can walk in your shoes".

If you don't care why bother commenting? Why waste your time commenting on how you’re not bothered? It would be laughable if it wasn't so pathetic.

@@dhrguru If you want to talk about how you're weight loss has impacted on your relationship, or how it’s made you feel in your relationship feel free to do so. Some people just feel the need to add another tag on their snarky bitchy jacket, so their gang can preen and agree.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Listen this is not a marriage counseling site.You are on your own weight loss journey and that what we are here to support you on...all this other nonsense about the fact that your husband doesn't compliment you is a waste of time.I am right there with VSGAnn....don't care about the woes and approval of your significant other compared to his comments about your son.No one can walk in your shoes.

If you don't care why bother commenting? Why waste your time commening on how youre not bothered?

Laughable if it wasn't so pathetic.

@@dhrguru If you want to talk about how you're weight loss has impacted on your relationship, or how its made you feel in your relationship feel free to do so. Some people just feel the need to add another tag on thier snarky jacket, so their gang can agree.

Haha! Snarky Jacket . I love that Kate!

[Awjones28 320]

One said jackass, the other a*****e lol. Just because your husband is lacking in one arena that you find important doesn't diminish all the other ways he shows your love. That is the problem with venting online to strangers that know nothing about you and your complete story of life. They only hear a portion of what is going on. No one and no relationship is without fault.

Did he compliment you pre-surgery on a new outfit or hairdo or new job?

Exactly and exactly.

And not to beat a dead horse... no, he rarely to never compliments me. Its a long bone of contention for me-- which I was hoping would be different with something this dramatic. It isn't-- I'll get over it.

This is particularly why I stay away from mentioning anything about my husband on any of these sites. People will take your small hiccup and turn it into the end of your marriage. Venting is best done amongst friends and family, and even then you've got to be careful. I've learned that there are mutual friends of me and my husband, and there are friends of our marriage. The difference is friends of our marriage listen and react (or not) in the interest of our marriage- not on behalf of me or my husband, but what's best for our marriage. They understand that I can't stand him on Mondays and Thursdays but every other day he's great! Lol they know that when I vent, it's just that- a vent- nothing more, nothing less. If you wanted or needed to end your marriage for whatever reason, I trust you'd find another means of communication and advice from a more trusted source. Take it in stride! Oh and here's your daily " YOU LOOK GREAT GIRL!! That weight loss is doing you good! Rock it, Sis!"

[hillgirly 228]

So against my better judgement, I asked him, how could he acknowledge our son but not me or my progress/efforts etc.

Just when I thought he took the cake for asinine statements, he comes up with another....

He says the our son's efforts to get abs is over the top, he goes out of his way to get his results. But *I* haven't done anything over the top, out of my way.

If I could count all the ways he's a Jackass, I'd be a millionaire.

I'm a little late to this party, but I just had to laugh at your comment (not at his statement, your's!). I've been with hubby 16 years and at times have felt the same way - although he's been mellowing & sweeter lately in his "old" age. He has always been supportive of the surgery (even when I was unsure), so I am lucky in that regard. There are times, however, I must not keep it "simple" enough and have to go through the mental "wax on, wax off" routine. All a part of living with another human being!

So, let me say - you look great and have done a wonderful job!!!

Oh - and I really liked the idea of you sending flowers to yourself, he might notice that

Edited September 9, 2015 by hillgirly

[newmebithebypass 713]

I think reading all this makes me glad I have the hubby that I do because he's super supportive of this whole journey. He celebrates every scale victory and feel crushed with me when I gain weight

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Are you doing this for him or are you doing this for YOU?

My husband rarely mentioned my weight loss and when he did, it was because I was fishing for compliments. He never commented because he didn't want me to think he was judging me at my fattest so he sure as hell was too afraid to comment on my "thinness". Smart guy!!

"Does my butt look fat in this?" is a dangerous question best not answered so no comment is "safe", in his opinion. His lack of commentary was based on MY agenda and his unwillingness to make me feel bad about where I was. It took me a long time to get that, but now that I do, I appreciate it.

[TammyDTM 391]

@@dhrguru Girl, what a mess this has turned out to be! Whoa!

Anyway, in my opinion, maybe your husband is just in a "wait and see" mode. Maybe he has heard of others being unsuccessful at losing or keeping the weight off and he is just "observing" your status right now.

You have lost quite a bit of weight and still have a ways to go. He'll come around. You'll catch him looking at you when he doesn't think you are noticing. He'll even start to compliment you. You'll see. You're doing good girl.

Time to leave this forum. . . I think it's done.

[Aggiemae 739]

My husband (6'4" 190lbs) appears to have gone out of his mind since I had the surgery. I have lost and gained the same 100 pounds 7 (yes seven) times in the last 20 years. I didn't ask his opinion about or get his approval for the surgery.

I've always been outgoing and active and had male friends so he's not insecure or jealous. He loves to eat, even when our kids were little we ate dinner out at least 2-3 times a week. I think he his flipped out that I can't eat with him. I think he is really morning.

Today is the first time he has commented on the weight loss and that's only because my pajamas bottom fell down to my ankles while I was making coffee.

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