Presurgery and I can't decide to keep WLS public or private

[Djmohr 6,965]

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Welcome! As most have said this is a personal decision that you don't need to make right away.

I struggled with the decision to tell others while I was still in the approval process so I told only my husband and grown sons. Once I had the surgery weight loss was pretty dramatic for me and everyone seems to ask. At first I was worried about sharing because I had a fear of failing. I soon realized that it was up to me to succeed and I was in control of that. So I tell anyone who asks. I have not received any negative feedback but I have received unwanted attention.

I have gotten very good at changing the subject when too much of that attention comes my way.

I have to say that I had a hero who recommended WLS and supported me through the process. He is my Nephrologist. I had just been diagnosed with stage 3 kidney disease and on top of all my other medical issues, I was devastated. It was this doctor who gently asked me if I had ever considered Bariatric surgery.

Of course I had but I was frightened, embarrassed and did not even know how to get started. He talked to me about how I was the perfect age to take action now. He was well versed on the value for someone like me. He also provided me with the name of a Bariatric center of excellence and their website.

This was the first time I had met this doctor and I thank god every single day that I did meet him. I was very saddened that my own general doctor never suggested it. I was too embarrassed to ask so I definately needed that push.

I think this is one of the reasons why I share my story with anyone who seems truly interested in the process. If I can help one person make a life changing, life saving decision, then I will be happy.

If you get to a point where you are comfortable sharing I am guessing you might be someone's hero down the road.

I wish you the best of luck on your surgery!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Well I jut found out that someone has been praying for me since last week I mean really praying for me to change my mind smh I am not telling a soul besides my dad husband and children smh

Well, bless their hearts!

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Well I jut found out that someone has been praying for me since last week I mean really praying for me to change my mind smh I am not telling a soul besides my dad husband and children smh

Haha sounds like my Mother in Law praying that my husband marry his ex-girlfriend.

I told people - friends, family. I don't volunteer it up to just anybody. There is such a bad stigma to weight loss surgery. In your position you have the ability to educate patients if asked. I think that's a positive. It is a very personal decision. I understand the numerous reasons on why not to tell. I currently work with a bunch of gossiping folks, so not sure I would want to tell them. I also have few that are a not heavier than me that against WLS.

[ReeseLanden 18]

This is a great question! As of right now, my immediate family knows, my two good friends know and a couple co-workers (including my boss) know. It's hard to hide the pre-op liquid diet. The truth is we are always going to have people judging us, whether it's our weight, clothing, hair style, etc. Whatever you do, just do what feels right to you. I personally will tell people who ask and I know there will be times I have to defend my decision, but I will be a healthier, lighter person doing it!

[catwoman7 10,875]

Ohiodoc - I understand what you're saying about unwanted attention. I've always been uncomfortable with that, too.

[scarletwitch19 302]

I told my family and a handful of close friends, that's it. As I have started to lose weight and people are noticing, if they complement me, I tend to tell them. If they care enough to stop and tell me they see I lost weight and look good, I'll explain. And I've gotten very supportive responses. The biggest thing I've found is people are uneducated. They are curious how it works, there's nothing wrong with that.

You have plenty of time, don't feel rushed to tell anyone just yet if you aren't ready

Edited August 6, 2015 by scarletwitch19

[betrthnever 107]

If I could do it over again I would not have told anyone but my family. When I lost weight, people said it was because I had a "crutch" like surgery. When I gained weight, I got the look of shame.

I would file this with "ain't no body's business but my own". Its a personal preference but I wouldn't tell.

[Daisee68 2,493]

Well as everyone said it is a personal choice, but I told everyone - and I mean EVERYONE! And I have been so blessed to get amazing supportive responses. Maybe they are talking behind my back, but I don't care if they are. I think at first for me it was sort of like calling myself fat (pre-op) before someone else could - you know beat them to the punch to take the sting out and by telling about RNY I was getting out in front of it. But now, the more people who notice, the more I tell. I have kept how much I ate a secret in my past life and keeping this a secret or not talking about it just made me feel like I was ashamed of it. (I am NOT saying that those who don't tell are ashamed by any means. It is just how I felt when I considered not telling.) I think as a physician it will be difficult not to talk about it, but maybe you can keep it to only those patients you feel need to hear it and maybe keep the conversation short like "yes, I had WLS. I would love to talk to you about it when we have a little more time." I don't know. Something that gives you control of the conversation and allows you to tell what you want but also shows you are glad you made the decision. Good luck! You will figure it out! (PS - curious how you would advise your patients if they asked you the same question...)

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Im a private person too, im not one to advertise details of my personal life to others without good reason. When I got my surgery date I let my parents /siblings know, they knew I had been struggling for years with my weight and had done my research, so were 100% supportive. Same story and reactions from my co workers. Nothing but support. (Ive only had 2 negitive comments , one recently from a tiny , 5 f t, 110 lb lady who obviously had never had a weight problem in her life !) If someone asks questions for good reason, im happy to answer. Im proud of the decision I made to get healthy, I watch what I eat, exercise a normal amount, and look and feel better than I have in years ! You may want to consider yourself an advocate that could take the "shame " out of WLS , just a thought to consider ! Best of luck to you !!

[Elode 8,093]

Sing like a canary!!!

[Hisbrowneyedgirl 175]

I had no problem telling anyone who asked, I have nothing to hide!

[Dr-Patient 830]

I am a very private person. I don't share my personal business with people, except perhaps a very few of my proven, trusted "inner circle" friends. However, other than the two guys who helped me (one, for transport; and one, to house me for a couple of days), only two of my closest friends know I had wls, and those two live out of town. I just didn't tell folks, not even the neighbor in front of me.

In this day of so many people sharing their everything with folks (known and unknown, online, etc!!), it may seem hard for some to keep their personal affiars to themselves...but if you don't want to tell folks, then DON'T. It's your life. Your decision. It's not their business.

Besides, many people have their own (uninformed) thoughts; you don't need them confounding you, nor do you need to defend your informed ones.

Don't tell if you don't want to, and don't feel bad for keeping your private business private. Period.

if people ask, "what are you doing to lose so much weight!!?", etc.,[present tense--"are"]... I say "I'm eating mostly Protein. I cut out the white stuff, the carbs, etc." And that's the truth.

IF it's someone I know well, and i know they are depressed about their weight (as I was), and they specifically ASK, then I will tell them I had wls. But they, too, must be someone I know I can tell and they won't put it on blast to whomever.

yesterday, I saw a post [here] about some co-worker telling others that a co-worker (the poster here) had had wls. [!!!] In today's world, people don't have filters or common sense. Privacy is not respected. So, respect your own. If you're a "private person," then don't violate your comfort zone. You'll regret it, if you do. Respect your personal space and spirit.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

I totally agree that you are in a great position to educate folks who are interested in improving their own health and well-being. Just be choosey. Ben Franklin said,

"To whom thy secret thou doest tell,

to him thy freedom thou dost sell.

You don't have to lie, but you don't have to tell everything you know.

[joatsaint 2,814]

The one piece of advice I can give you is: You can tell people about your WLS surgery at any time, but you can never untell them. Take your time on deciding, there's no rush.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Once you tell people, you can't untell them. Well I did untell someone, I told them pre-op I was considering it, then before surgery I told them it wasn't happening. I told them not to tell anyone and they told 2 other people and told me they told 2 other people. I asked they why they told these people and they said "well it was just blah blah, I didn't think it would matter". I said no one means no one. Then all they said was "oh". So that is kind of what you can expect. I thought this person could keep a secret, I have certainly kept some of their secrets.

In the end I told one person that lives on the other side of the country and came to be with me for my surgery and then left.

I'm not ashamed of my surgery. I just don't want to be the poster child for it and I am not interested in talking about to strangers or semi strangers or anyone who decides they want to talk about it when I don't. I'm not a medical professional and I just am not comfortable talking about something personal like that. I don't talk about any of my other medical procedures.

Just because we live in a society that is hung up on weight doesn't mean you have to let people invade your personal life because they are curious. The only situation where I might tell someone is if I think they are morbidly obese and the surgery might really help them, but I am still working through that in my head because again I am not a medical professional, and it isn't my place to give people medical advice.

You have to think about what is best for you and your lifestyle. Do you want to answer questions about weight and weight loss for the rest of you life? Even when maybe you are at goal weight, eating semi-normal and leading a new life? Do you want people to question your choices? Are you able to defend those choices or blow them off? It is a lot to think about. No telling people always leaves the option to tell them later, but telling them, leaves you fewer options.