Hey everyone! So I haven't posted much recently. Mostly because things have been going amazing!! Aug 19th will mark six months since my surgery and I am down 95lbs as of today!! I could not be happier. With that said though I have noticed a few things in the last month that I was not prepared to feel. Sure I was prepared for the loose skin, and sadness over no soda, and no sweets ect. I was even prepared for the what if complications.... What I did not see coming that has started hitting me like a Mach truck is the emotional issues. I know I have lost almost 100lbs, my new clothing I have recently bought no longer fit, but... I don't feel that different. I never did feel that fat or ugly. I quite liked myself truly. Now however when I see photos come up in my time hop or in memories on Facebook they are forever ruined for me! I cringe and want to cry that I was seriously THAT large!! How did I ever let that happen? I felt pretty on some of these occasions, desired even. Now when I see the photos I have to look away. I joke that they bypassed my stomach... But the surgeon can't fix my brain... And I never meant that more than in the last month. I know if this is my only problem I am doing great. Anyone else suffer from deep shame and disgust when dredging up memories from the past?!? It's becoming a thing for me. Truly what astonishes me the most is that I just didn't realize! Anyways just some early morning rantings. I'm going to enclose some before and after pics specifically one from four years ago of my best friend and I... And then again just a couple weeks ago. It's truly shocking to me!

You obviously were surrounded by people who loved you for you and thought you were beautiful inside and out. Nothing to be ashamed of . I had the same problem. As you continue this journey to your well being remember that you are you and we are who we are and although the outside is forever changing our interior is constant.

I never realized my size either as I got attention, dated, etc until i saw a picture of me from a wine tour. I had never had a picture of me taken full body in years until that day...I brought me to my knees. But..it was a wonderful male friend who picked me back up. He made me realize how people see me...fun, loving, happy, etc and not for the body that I see in the mirror!! We are all here for similar reasons- embrace your changes, and be happy w/ who you are as a person!!

I look at my old pictures and so appreciate that very large woman that had the courage to change....she was quite brave.

You have done an amazing job, keep it up!