So the other night I was totally thrown for a loop and for the first time in a long time, I was actually rendered speechless. I was at a parent dinner meet and greet for a new sport my youngest is part of. I knew only 3 or 4 people (out of about 40) as this is my daughter's first year on the team.

I have known the woman who organized it (as well as her husband) forever. Her husband has always been very friendly with me, but we rarely see each other because they are both the most boring people on earth. Nice enough, but not people I want to hang around.

The husband came over to me and in front of about 15 people I've never seen in my life said, "Hey! How are you? And where is the rest of you?". Truly oblivious, I assumed he was asking about my husband as there were MANY dads there and I said that he was still at work. I've not been fat for over a year and a half and NO ONE mentions it anymore. People I've never met would have no idea I was ever fat.

He goes on to say, "Well, you've lost at least 100 or more pounds, right? I mean, you've lost at least half of yourself. Where did it go?" Immediately all eyes were on me and I had no idea what to say. (Weird, I know. I ALWAYS have something snarky to say. Long day, I guess.)

What a freaking beast. It was completely uncomfortable and awkward for me and I could tell a few of the ladies around me could feel it. Someone tried to make a joke that she "found it" and a few people f***ng congratulated me on something they know NOTHING about. I've left my fat life behind, how could this one jackhole completely throw me back into that world with a few sentences? One of my biggest reasons for losing the weight and my only real insecurity about being obese was how much I hated being "the fat mom" at every event. Leaving that world behind has been the best part of this whole experience and he brought it all slamming right back into the present.

I'm still pissed. I am going to see him endlessly throughout the summer and the season. I want to kick him in the nuts really bad. ARGH!!!

After reading the story I could see that Dr. Clueless hit a nerve with you but I did'nt see it as intentionally rude. I think he was trying to be nice and complimentary about your weight loss and didn't think twice about saying it in front of others. Some people are more uncomfortable and /or sensitive about "congratulations on your weight loss " comments than others, I'm personally not offended by the comments at all. That doesnt mean you're wrong because you're not, I just don't think he meant it to make you uncomfortable. Since you still have to see the Clueless family for awhile, you might want to casually mention that you prefer to keep you weight loss journey private, etc, especially now that you have your power of speech back................. (Lipstick lady speechless ?? No way !!!! Did pigs fly ?)

I thought the same thing.. I doubt he intentionally meant to embarrass you and some people don't know when to drop it.. I'm sorry!

My response: Oh, you noticed I've lost weight! Well I've noticed you haven't stopped being an arsehole.

My wedding picture is hanging in my office. I was 60 pounds lighter then- just 4 years ago. People CONSTANTLY say, "That's you? You look....different." I say, "If you mean I got fat, yep!" It kinda' puts them in their place. They feel like jerks. Sometimes you just have to be the bold one.

Edited June 12, 201511 yr by 3bzmom

From the outside looking in, and hearing the story after the incident is over, it sounds like quite a compliment! By losing so much weight, you have done something very few people are able to do, and people are still noticing.

At the time, though, it must have been horribly frustrating! People can be so unbelievably rude.

Hopefully, you can just try to take some positive things from the incident – that people are noticing your weight loss, and that people (that woman) are kind and sensitive enough to step in and take the pressure off of you.

Sure, the guy needs to learn some manners, but clearly, he never will.

As for the rest of the summer when you see him at practice… good luck!

Robga999, the next time your insensitive sister yells across the room, "what are you going to do about your loose skin ? " yell back " I don't know, what are you going to do about yours ?" "What loose skin?" "The stuff that keeps flapping around your big mouth !!" If you've tried ( nicely )everything else to get her to stop, I say give her a taste of her own medicine as a last resort. Some people either dont get it any other way, or they're constantly loud to bring attention to themselves. ( Sadly, I work with one of those................. sigh...........)

Yes, I believe he was complimentary. But, at a work function, where the focus should be on business? I don't think so. I would be terribly uncomfortable as well.

Had a girl I hadn't seen in awhile come up to me and asked me if I was okay? Did I Have a serious health problem?

I told her no I was fine. She had this look of concern on her face and said well I hope you don't have anything bad like Cancer. I said why would you ask that? she said you have lost soooo much weight. I had to tell her that I had weight loss surgery to prevent more serious health issues. She said oh I am so relieved and she is on the heavier side so I am not sure how she really felt about it. Sometimes we have to be honest and forthright with people even though initially I thought she was being rude. I think I look great and I feel great but for people who haven't seen me since I lost weight, it can be a shock. It is good to know she was worried I guess.

You should have said...."it went wherever your hair line receded too!". So sorry that this fool embarrassed you, but believe me, everyone there knew he was the jerk! Be proud of your accomplishment.

i know how you feel. i know this other lady - and i've known her for over 20 years - and we have both had the sleeve done and both have lost over 100 pounds and we just finished a play this last week and at every rehearsal she made a reference to the fact that we aren't "fatties" "big girls" or "huge" any more....and then would just laugh like it was the biggest joke in the world and proceed to tell everyone how we had both had surgery blah blah blah...every. single. time. I kid you not. I was sick to death of hearing that shit and i know my fellow actors were as well. I wanted to punch her in the face. i have people that come up to me all the time and say - hey what happened to the rest of you?? I usually say something stupid - like nuclear reactor meltdown...tapeworms...congo fever.....something along those lines and then walk off....because they all know what the HELL happened to the rest of me...sheesh!! hahahahahahah!!!! I don't think people realize how it puts us on the spot really.....i do think they feel like they are being complimentary...and sometimes they are...but sometimes they are just jerks.

Hello LSL,

I am also guessing he meant it as a compliment. We men folk often have difficulty presenting compliments. If he meant to demean you, well, he is an a$$h0l3 of unbelievable proportions.

Buuuuttt ... as you mention, you are going to have to see him all summer. I know, for myself, that if my ignorance or insensitivity brought duress to someone, I would want to know about it. I suggest the NEXT TIME you see him, pull him and your wit to the side and tell him.

"I'm sure you meant it as a compliment the other night, but I was hurt and embarrassed you would bring, what for me, is a personal topic which, for my own reasons, don't need to be shared in public. I would appreciate it if you would allow me to chose who I share this with. Thank you for your understanding."

This diffuses the situation and allows you to let go of any resentment. Also, if he gets snarky with you, then you and your wit have acquired a new target and we will all pray he makes it out of the summer alive.

i know how you feel. i know this other lady - and i've known her for over 20 years - and we have both had the sleeve done and both have lost over 100 pounds and we just finished a play this last week and at every rehearsal she made a reference to the fact that we aren't "fatties" "big girls" or "huge" any more....and then would just laugh like it was the biggest joke in the world and proceed to tell everyone how we had both had surgery blah blah blah...every. single. time. I kid you not. I was sick to death of hearing that **** and i know my fellow actors were as well. I wanted to punch her in the face. i have people that come up to me all the time and say - hey what happened to the rest of you?? I usually say something stupid - like nuclear reactor meltdown...tapeworms...congo fever.....something along those lines and then walk off....because they all know what the HELL happened to the rest of me...sheesh!! hahahahahahah!!!! I don't think people realize how it puts us on the spot really.....i do think they feel like they are being complimentary...and sometimes they are...but sometimes they are just jerks.

Hey @@devillynn! I'm in a play right now too, and down 120 since the last time I was onstage. One of the reviewers (a total stranger) said that I was "nice looking, but not exactly tall", and that if I was "a larger man".... something or other. Weird, and borderline insulting, but I'm so happy to be "not large" that I'll take it. And @@LipstickLady, as a guy, I have to agree that it was just meant as a clumsy offhand compliment. I constantly get the Beatles reference, "Suddenly, you're not half the man you used to be..." Probably heard it 100 times. Guess I'm still at the place where I appreciate that a few people are still noticing. Sounds like, from your experience, that it eventually gets old. I'll look forward to the time when the big guy I've left in the past never comes to mind any more, except when someone points it out. But since I'm only 11 months out, I'm still enjoying the new me. I'm sorry about your discomfort! As other have said, some people are just socially clueless. And most of them are guys – who can have kind of an in-your-face way of complimenting (or insulting) each other. If you let it, every time you see him it's going to poison you a little. But the fact that you're bothered doesn't affect him in the least. And as they used to say in self-help seminars, you are responsible for your own anger. I understand why you feel that way. It's normal. Now please try to let it go. Hugs!!!

@@Rogofulm i had mostly good reviews - can't complain!! it wouldn't do me any good otherwise - hahahah! I hope your play is going well?

@@LipstickLady - well it's a good thing you were speechless. Otherwise, that guy would have gotten a "beat-down" by your words I'm sure. I agree with most on this thread - your weight is not his business AT ALL and not a subject of discussion EVER, especially for someone's husband mentioning it. I'd have to tell you that I may not have held my tongue at all. So your post just helped me not to slash the person who tries this with me. So hopefully it eases your anger a bit to know that you helped me. Well, maybe not. :-)

@@CloserToFine I couldn't agree more this guy is an assclown ! Next time look around as if your trying to see whom he is referring to and say u must have confused me with someone else and keep walking toward anyone u know and change the scene he is trying to create u can't change stupid

Unpopular opinion here. But we get this surgury because we're tired of the negative attention we get. We get it to feel good about ourselves and to gain confidence back....and then we complain when people notice it?!! We want our cake and we want to eat it to. My suggestion is just roll with it....if people notice, just say "thanks! It's been quite the journey" Why would you get mad that someone notices such a drastic change in you? That's the reason we did it no? Drastic change?

Maybe he doesn't have a mouth filter, but his intention wasn't to bring you down. I'd like to see a poll on here about how this affects men and women differently. For me, when I was at church I got that same comment....You are dissappearing! It makes me feel SOOO good that this thing is working! I really do think this affects each gender differently...thoughts?

Edited June 16, 201511 yr by Joshua Barbour

I really believe that popular culture / society makes women look at gaining weight as a negative to such an extent that even when we lose weight we feel bad about NEEDING to lose weight. I had a very hard time taking compliments as I lost the weight. As happy as I was and as proud of how I looked as I was, I always felt somehow like I didn't deserve to be complimented because I should never have been obese to begin with.

That said, a lot of 'compliments' are underhanded digs, and if you felt like he was being unkind then you are probably right. When people have tried to give me underhanded compliments I've always done the same thing, smiled brightly and said, "Thank you. That means SO much to me." I make sure that the message is that their opinion is worth a bucket of warm spit. It generally shuts them the hell up.

Buck up, I think that people who do these things are genuinely jealous or bitter.