Fear of Being Thin...

[chunky buddy 0]

I have lost a significant amount of weight-over 100lbs in the past year.....I recently over the 4th of July saw many people who have not seen me since my banding....they all thought I had a shorter hair-do....so much for weightloss!! I did it for me and my health but it does go to show one of my favorite phrases is true.....YOU are not the bride at the wedding!! Noone really focusing on you or what you have done or not done--it is mostly your own image that guides you decisions!! Best of luck to all of you who are on the journey to self improvement!!

well done in loosing 100lbs in a year hope im as successful as you are

[Marimaru 7]

I often get asked about my hair. It's really bizarre. One time back in school, I wore my glasses (I usually wear contacts) and someone said "something is different about you, did you change your hair? ?" I put my fingers behind my ears and pushed on the frames of my glasses to make them wiggle on my face and burst out laughing.

I honestly thing some people see that something is different, they know things aren't the same, but they just can't place it (Like the bird in The Little Mermaid who was standing on Ariel's legs saying "I just can't quite figure out what's different").

[Candle 11]

I'm afraid that my relationship with my fiance will change,too...How can somthing so drastic not?

Other than worrying I won't actually be able to lose the weight ... ^ that is my biggest fear.

My boyfriend likes big girls. I know he loves me for ME but he's also very attracted to the physical me and he makes me feel more beautiful and sexy than anyone has ever made me feel. I don't want to lose that.

He's supportive about me getting banded - I use the "I'm too fat" excuse for a lot of things. I know he'd like me to be more active and social. (and healthy)

[pandagirl 0]

I am fearful of being thin, but not for the same reasons. I have always been told that I was beautiful, even "for a fat girl". This sounds awesome to most, but I was raped at a young age and it took me until recently to realize that I have been using my fat as a from of protection. I have this silly fear that I am soo pretty that I will be raped as soon as I am easy to heft around. I know it is arrogant. I know that the fear is unfounded, but that unfounded fear has kept me fat since the rape. I wasn't fat before then. I was a little chubby, but very athletic. I have let go af that fear for the most part. I get that I may be attractive or not. It doesn't matter if I am.( I may actually be dog bag ugly.) What matters is that I am healthy and happy with myself. I am happy, but not healthy; I will get there.

[Pam in MI 0]

I honestly think that overeating is just like a drug for me. The difference is that you don't have to have drugs to survive, but you do have to have food. Now imagine that in detox they said, "Okay, now I only want you do smoke just a tiny little bit of crack okay, and that will be enough for you." This is just as difficult, if not harder, than getting off drugs!!!

I am considering lap band surgery.

You are so right! I have used that same scenario with people to explain my food addiction! I am hoping for an Aug. date

[Pam in MI 0]

Isn't it amazing that there have been over 600 hits on this thread? I too fear being thin because I don't know what people will think. Now that sound pretty stupid, but let's face it - appearance DOES matter. I also fear a bit that I will be judged by some who know I lost weight with the band and not I'm my own. Stupid too. More than fear though is excitement! I will be thrilled to lose even half of what I need to. I just want to buy "normal" size clothes!

[kero 0]

I've always wanted to be thin and toned,and I am so excited about the reality approaching. But the other day, I was thinking about it, and I realized that deep down I am actually terrified of being thin...I'm afraid I won't stand out in a crowd, that I won't have jokes to crack, and that I am going to be judged on how I look... I'm afraid that my relationship with my fiance will change,too...How can somthing so drastic not?

Has anyone else had these fears, or experienced any of these situations??!!

It's funny how the one thing I have wanted for so long is terrifying me now!

Hi Deanna,

Your fears are very real. I know that I have used the 'I'm too heavy' excuse to virtually isolate myself from everything that I use to enjoy, and all of the risks I use to embrace (from risks in relationships to risks in fashion, etc etc). I know that I want my life back (as I wasn't always overweight), but I do fear that without this excuse, as a 'thin' person, I will truly have to embrace life again, and that is scary. I won't have this 100 pound excuse, and I will have to be the brave, bold, driven, outgoing woman I use to be. As an overweight person, it becomes easy to face failure because there is almost always a way to relate it to one's weight ("I was too fat", "they must have thought I wouldn't run fast enough", "she must have thought I wouldn't fit in the bride's maids gown", etc). As a therapist, I am very aware of what I have done to myself, but knowing and doing are very different things. In that sense, I 'fear' being thin as well, but more than that, I fear dying young from a weight-related illness, never seeing my daughter grow up, never meeting my grandchildren, having to wear a 'moo moo' to my brother's wedding, and living the rest of my 30's as if I am already in my 80's. In the end, the latter of those fears have finally come to terrify me more!

I think you are already brave for having put that statement out there! Take care!

[PigsRFlying 0]

Eva--You made me think of something that I had never thought of before. That is, I matured at a very young age(started my period at the ripe old age of 9) and I think I tried to cover this with my weight. I developed so young that I didn't have time to be a little girl for the length of time I should have. Anyways, the fat would hide the upper part of me that was different from the other little girls. Thanks for sharing this, it opened my eyes to something new.

I am scared that I won't have anything to worry about. I will have to find something else to worry about. Also, my self esteem issues are all circled around being fat, or at least I believe they are...Dear God, what if they are not!?

[leedorr 0]

pandagirl

I can understand your thinking. I used my weight as a wall for male attention. Since I have lost the weight 178 pounds, I have a concern about male interactin. I want to meet someone but at the same time, I am afraid. I was sexually abused as a child and do understand. I came to understand through counseling that the crime of rape isn't sexual, it is about power and control. Men rape women for the feeling of control and power over someone. It happened to be you. Fat women get raped also. So now understand that being "thin" and healthy gives you more power over your own body. You can move faster and kick higher than before. You have the control over your on body and your choice of male companionship. you are worthy of a healthy and beautiful body. Go for it!

[pandagirl 0]

pandagirl

I can understand your thinking. I used my weight as a wall for male attention. Since I have lost the weight 178 pounds, I have a concern about male interactin. I want to meet someone but at the same time, I am afraid. I was sexually abused as a child and do understand. I came to understand through counseling that the crime of rape isn't sexual, it is about power and control. Men rape women for the feeling of control and power over someone. It happened to be you. Fat women get raped also. So now understand that being "thin" and healthy gives you more power over your own body. You can move faster and kick higher than before. You have the control over your on body and your choice of male companionship. you are worthy of a healthy and beautiful body. Go for it!

Thank you for your support.

What you say is true and I logically understand it.(now) It has taken me some time, but I am here and ready to make the changes for a healthier life. :clap2:

[sallen21 0]

My fear is that I will suddenly resent the people around me who suddenly start to treat me differently. I think I will be angry with them. I fear that suddenly my husband will be more attracted to me and then I will become bitter with him. I have lost a lot of weight before and honestly I believe that maybe I changed the way I behaved due to the fact that I actually felt better. I was happier, therefore people interacted with me more. It's hard for me to know if it's just the weightloss or the fact that I might be a more open and approachable person due to my feelings about myself.

[SPOILED ROTTEN 0]

I guess my problem mentally is that I can't imagine what I will look like if I get to the goal my dr wants (100 lbs more already lost 64lbs). I don't ever remember being that small. I saw pictures of when I was a kid showing I was small. I guess I will find out--One thing though I don't want to be too thin. I still want some meat on my bones. I feel if I get to thin I will look gross. I guess I will wait and see. Good luck to all!!

[tpagern 2]

same here, i have a fear of men looking at me, i wasnt abused but did have a date back in my 20's that wouldnt take me home, it was a very terrifying night. He didnt rape me or anthing, just wouldnt take me home, he finally fell asleep ! anyway, I also know that my husband of 20 years will become more jealous and wonder where i am at all times. I am going to have to get thru these feelings and fears because I am ready for the challenge this time. Being fat has helped me feel safer, but being fat has kept me in the house for way too long. I am ready to venture out in the world. I am terrified that my old friends/boyfriends will see now. I dont want them to see the fat me. Lots of feelings to work thru I guess

[csrn 0]

I am very pleased to have found this thread. I haven't been thin since I was first married. Mentally for years, I never considered myself overweight, let alone severely obese (BMI is 36), however recently I have fallen and injured my leg (couldn't hardly get up because of my weight) and am on medicine for high cholesterol, GERDS, anxiety/depression, and have a strong family history of Diabetes and heart disease. I really do want to be thin. I worry about whether my husband will be supportive and happy for me. I know my children and my parents will be supportive. I want to get healthy so I can live longer and seen my children, grandchildren and Gt grandchildren. My goal is to have my surgery by the end of this year and make 2008 my year for change.

Chris :confused:

[moving4word 0]

I think the same way sometimes and other times I can remember that other girl back when weight didn't rule my life. I've missed her!!