When I see a seriously overweight young woman, I have this overwhelming urge...

[Lisa Kasen/UnstapledLisa 16]

Don't EVER do this, OK. Most people where I normally belong to the WLS communities on Facebook, would tell you I'm about as supportive of the wls community as I possibly can, with having horrible complications that led to my gastric bypass needing to be reversed over 4 1/2 years ago.

Anyone looking at me, 6 years ago, could tell that I was really sick, physically but it had NOTHING to do with weight but my gastric bypass complications, however and I had gained almost ALL my weight back and was back in a size 24. Because of meds I was on. While NO one ever suggested I have wls, NO ONE could understand how sick I was BECAUSE of wls.

I defend anyone's right to be happy and speak of personal experience of how happy they are about having WLS and/or to help others. If they ask for it. People of larger size get told messages all the time online and from society that they need to lose weight. If they want to have wls, they'll ask about it. If they don't, their body size is NONE of your business. And even if you mean to help, you'll ONLY cause unnecessary hurt.

Edited March 31, 2015 by Lisa Kasen/UnstapledLisa

[SoulGlo 75]

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.

Former fat people who promote or indulge in this practice of offering unsolicited advice to random obese people , try and claim that they're doing out of care and concern but really it's more about boosting their own ego and self esteem.

It's faux concern, you don't really care about these people. If you really did, you would take the time and energy to get to know them before offering any life changing advice. If you are not willing to spend the time to know them, be actively supportive if they do decide to proceed with wls, go with them to dr's appointments, help them after surgery, then you don't really have right to be offering unsolicited advice about wls.

It also has be said that there's a slice of narcissism involved in going up to people and advertising the benefits of Wls and how it's helped you. Do you really think you're going to be the hero of their story? Do you really think that after you offer your advice the said person will go have instantly proceed with wls and live happily ever after? Do you really think that you are the first person to approach them? Do you really think they completely ignorant about Wls?

I just think that when someone takes an interest or actually decides to actually have surgery, it's best if that decision or interest is totally organic and not because someone else (especially a stranger) has badgered them into it

[Cleo's Mom 257]

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.

Former fat people who promote or indulge in this practice of offering unsolicited advice to random obese people , try and claim that they're doing out of care and concern but really it's more about boosting their own ego and self esteem.

It's faux concern, you don't really care about these people. If you really did, you would take the time and energy to get to know them before offering any life changing advice. If you are not willing to spend the time to know them, be actively supportive if they do decide to proceed with wls, go with them to dr's appointments, help them after surgery, then you don't really have right to be offering unsolicited advice about wls.

It also has be said that there's a slice of narcissism involved in going up to people and advertising the benefits of Wls and how it's helped you. Do you really think you're going to be the hero of their story? Do you really think that after you offer your advice the said person will go have instantly proceed with wls and live happily ever after? Do you really think that you are the first person to approach them? Do you really think they completely ignorant about Wls?

I just think that when someone takes an interest or actually decides to actually have surgery, it's best if that decision or interest is totally organic and not because someone else (especially a stranger) has badgered them into it

I agree with this, especially the part about ulterior motives, boosting their own egos and self esteem and narcissism. The whole post is well said.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.

Wait, what? It's wrong to have the desire to tell people about it? As I stated earlier, I would NEVER actually approach anyone, but I have to disagree with you that my desire to reach out to them is motivated by my own self esteem, bolstering of ego, etc.

That's nonsense.

That's like saying it's wrong to WANT a piece of chocolate cake or a bowl of ice cream while relearning good nutrition. Actually consuming something off plan might be a bad choice, but the desire is normal and natural.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Protip: It's a great idea if you're going to comment on a thread that you actually read the opening post.

Or not. Your choice, of course.

[SoulGlo 75]

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.

Wait, what? It's wrong to have the desire to tell people about it? As I stated earlier, I would NEVER actually approach anyone, but I have to disagree with you that my desire to reach out to them is motivated by my own self esteem, bolstering of ego, etc.

That's nonsense.

That's like saying it's wrong to WANT a piece of chocolate cake or a bowl of ice cream while relearning good nutrition. Actually consuming something off plan might be a bad choice, but the desire is normal and natural.

No offense but you have stated this various times throughout the thread, I get it. My post was talking about in general about people who do this, not you specifically!!!!

Well, your entitled to think my opinion is nonsense, I personally think that your assertion that people who approach fat people has nothing to do with bolstering their own esteem or ego is bull roar. We'll have to agree to disagree!

Regardless of whether one considers it natural or not, imo still wrong. If you want try and normalise this behaviour that's your prerogative.

[SoulGlo 75]

Protip: It's a great idea if you're going to comment on a thread that you actually read the opening post.

Or not. Your choice, of course.

I don't know who this shady comment is directed at but if it is me then fyi i have thread thoroughly. I totally get what the op is saying even though i disagree with parts of it.

The real question did you actually thoroughly read my response??

Another protip: Reading and Comprehension is key!!!!!

[SoulGlo 75]

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.

Former fat people who promote or indulge in this practice of offering unsolicited advice to random obese people , try and claim that they're doing out of care and concern but really it's more about boosting their own ego and self esteem.

It's faux concern, you don't really care about these people. If you really did, you would take the time and energy to get to know them before offering any life changing advice. If you are not willing to spend the time to know them, be actively supportive if they do decide to proceed with wls, go with them to dr's appointments, help them after surgery, then you don't really have right to be offering unsolicited advice about wls.

It also has be said that there's a slice of narcissism involved in going up to people and advertising the benefits of Wls and how it's helped you. Do you really think you're going to be the hero of their story? Do you really think that after you offer your advice the said person will go have instantly proceed with wls and live happily ever after? Do you really think that you are the first person to approach them? Do you really think they completely ignorant about Wls?

I just think that when someone takes an interest or actually decides to actually have surgery, it's best if that decision or interest is totally organic and not because someone else (especially a stranger) has badgered them into it

I agree with this, especially the part about ulterior motives, boosting their own egos and self esteem and narcissism. The whole post is well said.

Aww Thanks

[Cleo's Mom 257]

You're welcome.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.

Wait, what? It's wrong to have the desire to tell people about it? As I stated earlier, I would NEVER actually approach anyone, but I have to disagree with you that my desire to reach out to them is motivated by my own self esteem, bolstering of ego, etc.

That's nonsense.

That's like saying it's wrong to WANT a piece of chocolate cake or a bowl of ice cream while relearning good nutrition. Actually consuming something off plan might be a bad choice, but the desire is normal and natural.

No offense but you have stated this various times throughout the thread, I get it. My post was talking about in general about people who do this, not you specifically!!!!

Well, your entitled to think my opinion is nonsense, I personally think that your assertion that people who approach fat people has nothing to do with bolstering their own esteem or ego is bull roar. We'll have to agree to disagree!

Regardless of whether one considers it natural or not, imo still wrong. If you want try and normalise this behaviour that's your prerogative.

It's hard to know to whom one is speaking when no one is quoted. That said, you did say that the DESIRE to approach someone is wrong which is bizarre to me. I totally agree with you that actually acting on that desire is wrong, even if I don't agree that it's motivated by ego/self esteem.

I think some people are genuinely trying to help, not realizing how detrimental their actions might be.

It seems that you have desire to act and actual ACTION confused.

[MichelleTN 169]

I wish someone had told me about weight loss surgery 20 years ago or even 10. I'll be 41 in may surgery April 21st I hope. I'm just glad my uncle took the time 3 yes ago to tell me how much he loved me & how afraid for me he was & how his find had had the lap band & how much better he felt. I know it was one if the hardest things he had done but I'm so grateful he got me thinking about changing my life. I can never repay him. :-)

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I don't know who this shady comment is directed at but if it is me then fyi i have thread thoroughly. I totally get what the op is saying even though i disagree with parts of it.

Protip: It's a great idea if you're going to comment on a thread that you actually read the opening post.

Or not. Your choice, of course.

The real question did you actually thoroughly read my response??

Another protip: Reading and Comprehension is key!!!!!

Yeah, I was talking to you.

If you understood the OP didn't intend to approach or speak to anyone, why did part of your last post sound like you thought she was going to march up to a young woman and say, "Hey, fatty -- considered weight loss surgery?"

And yeah, I understood your response. You think that a person who's been fat (but now isn't) who feels empathy for a fat person and their physical and emotional pain is fucked up.

Edited March 31, 2015 by VSGAnn2014

[SoulGlo 75]

I don't know who this shady comment is directed at but if it is me then fyi i have thread thoroughly. I totally get what the op is saying even though i disagree with parts of it.

Protip: It's a great idea if you're going to comment on a thread that you actually read the opening post.

Or not. Your choice, of course.

The real question did you actually thoroughly read my response??

Another protip: Reading and Comprehension is key!!!!!

Yeah, I was talking to you.

If you understood the OP didn't intend to approach or speak to anyone, why did part of your last post sound like you thought she was going to march up to a young woman and say, "Hey, fatty -- considered weight loss surgery?"

And yeah, I understood your response. You think that a person who's been fat (but now isn't) who feels empathy for a fat person and their physical and emotional pain is fucked up.

As i said reading and comprehension is key. I already said that i was talking about people in general and not the OP. I ain't scared of the OP, if i wanted to call her out directly, i would have done so but i was talking generally not specifically. Hope this post enlightens your confusion.

While i respect your opinion, i don't agree with it. I consider myself to be extremely empathetic to point that where i realise that whilst telling some random stranger about benefits of WLS might yield a positive outcome, there's a massive risk that the opposite may happen and the approached person ends up feeling shit about themselves. I would rather secretly hope that everything works out for them.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I already said that i was talking about people in general and not the OP. I ain't scared of the OP, if i wanted to call her out directly, i would have.

Wait...whuuuuuut?!?

Why in the world would ANYONE be "scared" of me? This conversation is getting even more ridiculous. Hahahahaha!

Anyone else smell something fishy going on here?

[SoulGlo 75]

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.

Wait, what? It's wrong to have the desire to tell people about it? As I stated earlier, I would NEVER actually approach anyone, but I have to disagree with you that my desire to reach out to them is motivated by my own self esteem, bolstering of ego, etc.

That's nonsense.

That's like saying it's wrong to WANT a piece of chocolate cake or a bowl of ice cream while relearning good nutrition. Actually consuming something off plan might be a bad choice, but the desire is normal and natural.

No offense but you have stated this various times throughout the thread, I get it. My post was talking about in general about people who do this, not you specifically!!!!

Well, your entitled to think my opinion is nonsense, I personally think that your assertion that people who approach fat people has nothing to do with bolstering their own esteem or ego is bull roar. We'll have to agree to disagree!

Regardless of whether one considers it natural or not, imo still wrong. If you want try and normalise this behaviour that's your prerogative.

It's hard to know to whom one is speaking when no one is quoted. That said, you did say that the DESIRE to approach someone is wrong which is bizarre to me. I totally agree with you that actually acting on that desire is wrong, even if I don't agree that it's motivated by ego/self esteem.

I think some people are genuinely trying to help, not realizing how detrimental their actions might be.

It seems that you have desire to act and actual ACTION confused.

Nope, I haven't. I articulated that both the desire and the action is wrong.

We're just gonna have to agree to disagree on the motivations behind it.

May seem bizarre to you, seems pretty straightforward to me. As i said, we'll have agree to disagree