When I see a seriously overweight young woman, I have this overwhelming urge...

[Cupcake 801]

Blerdgirl your one in a million most people I know if you talk with them they will tell you the pain they have gone through it is not a nice thing to go through no matter what age you are if your not happy with yourself as a direct result of your weight. I do not know a lot of people would say they were happy being overweight when they have challenges, ongoing health issues , as wel as other challenges . I'm glad you had such high sef esteem but many people who suffer with being overweight do not .

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

To be honest, I find it to be more of a cultural thing. I've found in the AA and Hispanic communities that men are more accepting of curvier gals. In my circle of friends I am not a rarity at all. My friends have always ranged in size from 0 - 34. None of us has ever had difficulty dating or enjoying and active and happy life. None of us was ever afraid to dance or exercise.

However, its still a bit of a reach because you simply can't look at someone who is overweight and assume it's because of a poor diet. Yes, my health improved when I stopped eating processed foods, but I never a big meal eater or an extreme junk food eater. It's the same thing with people who look at me and question why I am on disability. Since you can see the tumor in my head, or the permanent balance disorder that sometimes has me literally falling out of bed, people want to assume I am the stereotypical "fraud".

I stated earlier in this post, I wish the issue was more on nutrition and what this country is doing to our food supply than trying to blame obese people. Oddly enough no one seems to feel that same pity for the skinny young person who eats a diet of crap. We have post-ops who still occasionally eat at McDonalds and such and I wouldn't touch that crap with a ten foot pole.

So yeah, I feel bad for people who have low self esteem because of their weight. But let's not assume because you felt that way that everyone does.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

@@Cupcake - WUT? Project much? Let me tell you at 20 I was happy! No pain in my eyes. As I said earlier I was climbing the Great Wall of China, the runs ins Xel -Ha and swimming with the dolphins. I also ate for the most part fairly nutritious. food didn't control my life, my body rebelling against me did.

Damn....I want to swim with Dolphins right now! pout! Would be so much better then this never ending freaking winter we are having in the North!

just saying!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SlimJill 291]

Have to say I feel the same. I haven't gotten weight loss surgery yet... but I will.

Sometimes I think to myself why did my parents let me get this heavy! I was 150 pounds in 5th grade, 200 in 8th grade! I have even went so far as to tell my mom and dad that I resent them for not helping me before. I didn't buy the food in the house, I didn't set the rules, it wasn't my fault but now it's my problem... I take full responsibility for my issues now, but the patterns and lifestyle were created way back when.

Every time I see an overweight or obese girl I want to walk up to her and say Please take care of yourself now... lose 20-30 pounds instead of 100, or 150. gain so many happy years of your life that I wasted! Please! But as others have stated I would never ever do it. I know it would most likely cause harm.

Although one thing that had me thinking was this... would you hesitate to tell your friend who was in abusive relationship that it's unhealthy for her, that it could kill her eventually JUST to spare her feelings? Or would you make it your mission to help her get out, even if that meant showing her strength she didn't know she had to change her situation... just food for thought...

[LadyPullings 94]

I tell so many people about it lol u would think I was a coordinator bcuz I always talk them into researching it! Lack of knowledge and fear is what scares most people.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

My paternal grandmother was born in the late 1890's and was obese by any medical standards. She was a big eastern European woman and lived during a time when there weren't fast food restaurants, processed foods, etc.. The women of her generation cooked from scratch and worked hard all day as homemakers. They got plenty of exercise. So obesity cannot always be blamed on the foods we have today or what we do or don't eat (processed vs whole foods, etc.). While that certainly plays a part- what is being left out is the genetics of obesity. How many people on here have already posted about multiple people in their family being obese? When identical twins have been raised apart - they will have the traits like each other rather than their adopted family (nature vs nurture). In other words, they would both be obese while their families were thin (or visa versa).

Not everyone can afford fresh, whole foods. Processed and fast foods are cheaper. Not everyone has insurance or the money to cover WLS. Not everyone has a support system.

I was a thin person up until about age 30. So, I don't have the experience that those on here who have been overweight/obese all their lives and were made fun of.

My point is that there are many ways people became obese and each person has to find a way to address it in their own time and their own way when it is right for them.

[shugal 48]

Oh heck, I'm pretty sure I would of um slapped silly anyone who told me I needed WLS....LOL but hey that's just me..LOL

I don't know why young people are getting so heavy? It seems to me that improper foods, lack of exercise play a big part in it. Back in my day, there were No computers, no cell phones, we played outside, walked everywhere. I think today's society is too automated, too much junk food available and no one to teach the difference. Though today's food is GMO or just straight chemicals..

Fast food and junk food is pushed on our kids today, it's in schools in cafeteria's! At one place I worked, I had to campaign for low fat, low calorie foods in the cafeteria! There wasn't even any fruit!!

Oh and nooooo I so would Not go up and tell anyone they needed WLS...I'm still obese, I'd die if someone said that to me...though you won't catch me with bad foods Anywhere! It's NOT worth it!

[Blue Sky 89]

I understand your concern Lipstick lady. I want to encourage them , too. For myself I think weight loss surgery as in any type surgery should be the answer only after you have exhausted all avenues. I don't know that a teenager has lived long enough to make a decision to lose weight on their own and try the different methods out there. I made the decision because I have done so and am ready to focus my energy on something else. Ultimately it's up to the person though,after they have been informed.

[Stevehud 1,790]

a coworker of my wife was sexually assaulted by a dolphin while swimming with them in florida, and from what i understand its not an uncommon occurrence either. which strikes me as weird . i think this thread got of course fast, the difference between thinking that you want to help someone ( great humanitarian thought) to walking up to someone telling them they are fat and telling them how t fix it, is leagues apart, and lipsticklady never said she would do such a thing. people went way off base here folks, i wish people would do better reading and not inferring. That being said there is a saying the psychiatrist i went to said and that was, "Overweight people who are happy being overweight, are also happy being in denial." when i asked about that she stated that clinically people who are hapy being overweight have developed as a coping mechanism, the ability to ignore thier won weight on a daily basis. Now I am not a psychiatrist etc so I have no idea, but im assuming it is akin to when i was a smoker I used to say i was happy being a smoker and really enjoyed it and id didnt quit because i didnt want to. I know looking back it was a cop out to my addiction but again thats just me, i cant project that on others.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

a coworker of my wife was sexually assaulted by a dolphin while swimming with them in florida, and from what i understand its not an uncommon occurrence either. which strikes me as weird

[chunkyloverlovesyou 197]

I don't agree with fat shaming or dropping hints about wls. But I do wish my skinny a$$ cousin would of came clean about her wls, then I would of picked it up by word of mouth, and had it done sooner!

[Graciesmom04 184]

I know, right? I even have friends that need/want to lose weight but don't know how to get started. They know I have had surgery but they are against the idea. I brought it up once and won't do it again. They weren't offended but made it clear that they won't do it. But it's hard to not say anything! I know that it took me quite a while to get there to accept that this was an option that I would consider. My b-i-l had the surgery and I thought it was ridiculous! But he looks great and feels great. It wasn't until my sister decided to get the surgery that my sibling rivalry kicked in and I decided to do it, too! lol. So childish but I'm so glad!!! But, I don't know what else would have convinced me this was the approach I wanted to take to lose weight. I guess from all the shows on TV (Biggest Loser, Dr. Oz, etc.) where the doctors on there are saying not to do this surgery. I bought into it.

As far as the younger girls, you are right. There was always 1 or 2 people that were heavier back then but now a lot of them are. The food in their cafeterias have gotten worse and promote weight gain. I don't know how to make change but I'm sure it can happen somehow.

But don't you find that everyone wants to easy answer....lose wt without changing diet, without exercise and without spending money? I've lost wt before by seeing going to a wt loss center. Focusing on food/exercise/accountability, etc. It was expensive and no one wanted to do it with me cause they didn't want to pay the money but everyone wanted to know how I lost the wt. I know I'm fortunate to be able to afford this sleeve, with no insurance payment and paid out of pocket. Most would not be able to afford it.

[Alex Brecher 10,494]

@@LipstickLady, yes, I agree with you completely. I want so badly to say something when I see people, especially young people, who are clearly on their way to needing WLS or other serious interventions…but of course we can’t.

I wish I could wear a sign on my forehead that said, “I used to be 100 lbs heavier and I lost it with WLS. Ask me for the details if you want!” That way, it would be their choice to find out how much of a struggle it is, and how they should do whatever they can to prevent it!

YES we need nutrition education! But if we can’t even keep up funding for physical education, we’re far from having kids learn basic nutrition. Administrators and teachers don’t want to give up class time for something as useless as basic nutrition. Oh, wait. It saves lives.

As for saying something to people with bad habits, like overweight coworkers eating potato chips, that just goes in the category of needing to filter myself. It’s just like when I see someone wearing some terrible combination of clothes – it’s none of my business.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@LipstickLady, yes, I agree with you completely.

That's always a wise idea.

[esskay77 785]

@@Graciesmom04 Yes! THey want an easy answer! I wanted an easy answer! But once I realize there isn't an easy answer, I wanted help. And I should probably rephrase my earlier reply. I don't look at people and want to go tell them about WLS. It's when I think of ME and how happy I am that I have been losing weight (not skinny by any means yet) that I just want to shout it from the mountaintops to anyone who will listen. That's really where my head is.