One of my girlfriends has been trim her whole life. Over the last year she put on quite a bit of weight. she is 5'7" and as a young woman, was one of those 100-115# chicks. Even as a post 60 year old, she was mostly in the 140s. She got up to like 180 in 2014 and has dieted down - yeah! Yesterday, she announced that she weighs 155, which is the same as what i weigh. She isn't back to where she wants to be but has made amazing progress and credits me for some diet coaching since it is a subject I have much expertise in...

I had one of those..whoa, you are taller and 12 years older, I SHOULD weight less than you!

She made me do a side by by side body comparison -

Me: toned and no extra fat on calves and arms

She: cellulite on calves even, i had never really noticed that. We didn't have a tape measure, but my legs are definately smaller trimmer. I have trouble with tall boots being way too big and she is having to make sure they don't hug her calves too much.

Me: waist measurement, about 30

Her: many more inches than 30

Me: pant size:fairly slim 6-8ish range in most brands (up from my slimmest when I was a solid 4)

Her: double digit pant size

Me: big on top - usually a med but sometimes need a large. I have the breasts, but more importantly, the big ribcage, broad shoulders. I sometimes don't like that athletic build but bones don't shrink, so it is what it is... get over it.

Her: Med on top, never needs a large. However, she does not have much difference between bust and waist.

We compared wrists and looked closely at our forearms. Mine are just bigger.. way more bone and as we compared upper arm - mine have defined muscles. She was born to weigh less than me and it is just a reality.

So, it is good to have friends give you a shake of reality and it points out the dangers of striving for somebody else's ideal weight and not your own. Point is, at the same weight, I look and feel fitter and slimmer even though she is 2" taller. I would love to weigh in the 140s again, but I am pretty good where I am at.

I hope that as some people just starting our think about goal weights, they can use charts for guidance, but be real and be kind to yourself. We are not all built the same!

Really goes to show that we should not base our whole concept of success and self-image around a number on a scale. Body composition makes a huge difference. My loss has been SLOW over the past two months, but I have started running and strength training. I have gotten more compliments in the past week or two on my weight loss than I have in the past 6 months, even though I've lost close to 50 pounds in the last 6 months and only a couple of pounds in the past few weeks.

Great message.

Agree, Agree, Agree! One of my very good friends, (always my skinny, fashion conscious friend) has gained abut 15 and struggling with it as I've lost 95. She's 5 years older, an inch taller and has about 20 pounds on me now. She's had 3 kids. I've never been pregnant. It hurts that she thinks of herself as my "fat" friend now. We can share M tops, but she's like a 10 on bottom and I'm a 4-6. She is SO NOT FAT! And I don't feel THAT thin! I hang between 142-144 most of the time, (I'm 5'6"). I'd LIKE to be 135, but I'm not gonna kill myself to get there. BOTH of us are somewhere in the "normal" range and that's okay!

Great post, CGJ. So true!

I agree - great post! How wonderful you have a friend like that too.

I'm finding people I was close to before weight loss are a bit more distant or maybe just find less time to be with me and hang out now, and I can't help but think it's got a lot to do with my now being smaller than they are, or at least no longer morbidly obese (I hate that term!).

I'm still 28 pounds away from goal, but feel great and am no longer hating how I look. I just really miss the closeness of those friendships, when we could talk about our bodies so honestly and easily. Now if I try that at all I'm "too fixated on weight" or "have nothing to worry about" or seem to have been booted out of the intimate-friend club because of no longer being so heavy.

Hmmm. As I look over this post it sounds like I need some new friends.