Reality Check- I hate my new body

[Amyllf2 206]

****warning- this is not a warm and fuzzy post******

I am just shy of 11 months post op. I am down 92 pounds from surgery, 105 from my first appointment. I have been between 152 and 157 for the past 2 months now. This is where it seems I will end up. I went from a 22 pant to size 10. A 2x shirt to a M. I even dropped a shoe size. I was able to drop a good portion of my heart medicine and I no longer feel like I'm going to die walking upstairs. A year ago I would never have been able to walk around campus like I do now. (I'm a college lecturer at a large university) All should be good, but in reality, I hate my new body.

I don't think I'm alone. I think this is one of those "dirty little secrets" many in the WLS community feel but maybe don't verbalize. While I am thankful my health has improved, the mirror has become even more of an enemy. I didn't have wrinkles before, because my face was full. I had boobs, because as we know they are mainly fat. My legs were big but I still wore shorts, something I won't be doing this spring and summer. I had an ass, one that didn't sag and one that protected my tailbone that is now permanently bruised and inhibits sleeping on my back.

I know this a negative post and I don't mean to be such a "debbie downer" about this experience. But I think it's important to talk about the tough stuff. The reality of what it might feel like a year out for many people. It's not all "kum by yah" and being thinner does not solve all of our whoas. I miss my boobs. I hate plopping my saggy skin into a sports bra and positioning it to resemble boobs. I hate the fact that the skin on my legs hangs over my knees. I hate the wrinkles on my face and the skin under my chin. I hide my body from my husband more than I did before. I don't smile when I look in the mirror like I assumed I would. Maybe someone warned me about these things- but I must not have listened because I was not prepared for how I currently feel.

Was the surgery worth it? Yes because my health is still the priority. But this reality, well my friends, it sucks.

[Beni 1,484]

Yes, things are sagging big time for me too and I'm still at 195 lb. In fact, given that reality I have moved my weight goal from 150 to 170.

Perhaps a breast lift would help. I am not a big believer in plastic surgery but in our case, I think we have a medical reason. Just as someone in a crash that needs reconstruction, we need help. It's not like we can workout to the shape we should be. Plastics are expensive but I have come to the sad realization a breast lift for me is a necessity. I went from a 42 DD to a 38D but things have gone south in a major way. With an additional 25 weight loss expected things are bound to get even worse. I'll see how that goes and then consider a Tummy Tuck. I'll have to wait until I stop losing weight for any of this to happen. My surgery was only 4 months ago.

Surprisingly my bat wings don't bother me as much as my breasts. Even my tummy is not so bad because I wear Shapewear. I am fortunate my knees look fine but I am more of a Bermuda shorts kind of girl. Love shorts that hit at the knee or right below. The other area that is seriously annoying is the flab between my legs. Wearing a dress will always require shorts as an undergarment. When the weather gets hot that's going to be horrible. I also noticed when I try pants the fabric has to be fairly heavy or with lycra or the sag/bumps on my legs are visible right through. Yikes!

[KendraLynnKerr 10]

O my dear , I totally understand you , completely . As a woman my self , it is so hard to except that we are so much more than physical beings. We live in a world that the physical appearance is how we are judged . Then we are brain washed that we judge our selves as others do . I do it to my self . Its not right . On both account. But this is the hurtful truth. Yes we gain our lives. Our families get to love us on earth longer . But there are sacrifices. They are hard pills to swallow. And you are not alone in your sadness . There are many of us who share in this with you. There are no easy answers. For many of us we can not afford to pay to fix our imperfections. I can't . So , I try to be be an illusionist to the world. I try to look the best I can . But it is hard to look at the truth by myself behind closed doors . Sincerely , Kendra

[walkaboutlady 7]

I still have a long way to go but I did read a lot about these problems and just after my surgery I started putting money aside for the next surgery. I plan on getting a thigh tuck, my bat wings and a bum left at the same time. As I'm planning on another child in the future I'll leave my tummy and boobs time down there and they can get attack and fill.

I'm doing this for me not for anybody else and I don't feel judged by having to do these things as I know that it will be important for my own self image and self-healing

[Cupcake 801]

I am sorry that you hate the new you, I hope in time your mind changed, I agree with ther comments perhaps you can get plastics and feel good about yourself again , I sm considering that now and I am 10 months post opt, why don't you set up a free consultation at a plastic surgeons office to see about your options good luck .

[Kindle 8,667]

Sorry you are so unhappy with your appearance. Your body sounds like mine. My face is a lot wrinklier and I look older. My boobs were DD and now B's. I would be an A cup if it weren't for the extra skin stuffed in there. I have no butt and the skin that used to cover my ass is pooled at the bottom of my former butt. Extra thigh skin sags at my knees. The only good part is most of the skin on my stomach, neck and arms tightened up by 10 months. It's still there, but not too bad.

But for me, the way I feel far outweighs any aesthetics. I can do so many more things in comfort. Work, play and everyday activities are just easier. And at least with clothes on I look way better than the fatty I was before. I feel more comfortable going out in public. I'm no longer the biggest one in the room. Shopping for clothes is actually enjoyable....I'm not just looking for stuff to cover up the fat. I bought capris instead of shorts to wear in the summer.

There are a lot of exercises you can do to try and tone some of your parts....especially legs, butt and arms. And like others said, you can always look into plastics later on. I don't plan on plastics, but if I did it would just be to remove extra skin from my boobs and legs. No augmenting ANYTHING. I've been I told like a prepubescent boy now, and quite frankly I find this body a lot "easier" to live with than my old curvy one. I sure hope you find some things to like and find peace with the new you.

[carolk36 142]

YES, YES and YES! I hate my body too but I love my life. I guess it's an even trade.

I hope you find peace, acceptance and HAPPINESS!

Carol

[jess9395 5,448]

I can relate to all the body issues you describe--saggy butt, deflated boobs, skin I tuck into my pants...a face that looks older...BUT I LOVE my body! I love what it can DO that it never could before!! Running (15 miles today), yoga (handstands!), swimming and cycling (triathlons), heck just walking up flights of stairs or around the block! Fitting into airline and movie theatre and lobby seats with room to spare, fitting well behind the steering wheel, fitting into an off the rack size 4 easily and consistently. LOVE my new body for sure. And I look great in clothes

[Beni 1,484]

Funniest thing happened yesterday. Had to go to the apple store with my computer. It's heavy so I placed it in a piece of luggage with wheels.

Well, in order to get it out I had to bend down and forward. Behold my boobs decided to slide right out of the bra. They poured out from the top and when I got up I had this bump on my chest that was not exactly easy to conceal. I had the Genius dude right in front of me and it wasn't like I could get my hands in my shirt and organize things. Jeez, ridiculous situation to be in. When I finally got to the car I couldn't help but laugh, look around and rearrange things. Note to self, when purchasing a bra, I must do the bend forward test to make sure things stay in. Trust me, I didn't see this one coming!

[Jennifer2322 10]

Oh goodness, I don't know what you are experiencing... yet. But I know I will once I lose my weight. I am just starting my journey and have my first appointment with the surgeon in April. I am a very big girl with over 200 lb to lose. I know I will look like a deflated balloon when I'm done and I am already saving up the money for surgery to remove the extra skin. However, I know it will be worth it. I would rather look like a wrinkled prune then continue to carry around this extra weight. If I have to, I will duct tape my extra skin to me and enjoy my new life! I looked at the pictures that you posted on your profile, and you are beautiful. Don't let that negative voice in your head get to you! You have come a long ways and conquered a very hard thing! :-) When you look at your saggy skin, just think of where you were a few months ago, and how much better you feel. I know, easier said than done! Congratulations on your weightloss success!

[Karen Stoddard Croft 1]

I just joined today and read your post and was wondering if you started toning your body right after surgery?I got a fitbit and joined the Gym to try and advoid the gravity issue.Been doing good lost 40.7 in 3 months along with 63 lbs.Being older (54) its harder for the skin to snap back but if you exercise n tone in your 20 and 30's you shouldn't need plastic surgery unless you lost like 200+ lbs.I will definetly be seeing a plastic surgeon for stomach, butt, face and bat wings.

[jess9395 5,448]

Exercise and toning just helps fill out the loose skin it doesn't make it not loose...genetics and age do that. I'm not in my 20's/30's but have been toning and exercising from the start. I run half marathons and training for a full, do yoga and weighs and have 18% body fat...but I also have loose skin covering it.

[Nyelaah 77]

This really scares me! I'm hoping to lose 30 lbs more before surgery and work out 2-3 times a week now... I'm also 32. Hoping these factors will aid in not having to much lose skin on arms, legs and face.... I will on my tummy and possibly thighs. This all worries me ????

[Amyllf2 206]

I am naturally very muscular. This is part of the boob issue because when I was an athlete I had pecks not boobs. So I don't have much breast tissue. My arms and legs are very muscular and have been throughout the last year. I met a trainer who was shocked I wasn't on a lifting program already because of how stacked I look in the arms and legs. He agreed I would have to lift like professional body builder to fill out any more of the excess skin. Most women tone muscles but mine are really built like a guys.

I have not been doing formal cardio other than the 7,000 steps I walk daily at work. I do a some light arm exercises. If the weather ever improves, (It's snowing here in my section of Maryland) I will be out doing more things.

I have an April 2 appointment with a plastic surgeon who specializes in after weight loss procedures. I'm not getting my hopes up but I want to see what the options are and how much it costs. My daughter heads to college in the fall so paying for surgery is probably not realistic.

I hope people who read my initial post, especially those who are starting out, understand this issue is part of the journey they need to deal with. I think we all focus so much on the food, and the Protein, and the scale, and the exercise etc. I think many of us assume a smaller body is going to transform how we feel about ourselves. My point is the fact that the new body is different, not necessarily better. You gotta wrap your head around it sooner rather than later.

[lmb012182 61]

Thank you for putting this into words. The excess skin, sagging boobs are tough. I have learned to love my new body because of what it enables me to do. But at the same time I am saving up for a full Tummy Tuck and a boob job. People think that when you lose the weight you are magically happier with your body, and maybe for some people they are. I have always been and will always be critical of myself and the excess skin is probably my number one nemesis! Well done on your weight loss, and also for keeping it real on the message boards.