Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Reality Check- I hate my new body



Recommended Posts

****warning- this is not a warm and fuzzy post******

I am just shy of 11 months post op. I am down 92 pounds from surgery, 105 from my first appointment. I have been between 152 and 157 for the past 2 months now. This is where it seems I will end up. I went from a 22 pant to size 10. A 2x shirt to a M. I even dropped a shoe size. I was able to drop a good portion of my heart medicine and I no longer feel like I'm going to die walking upstairs. A year ago I would never have been able to walk around campus like I do now. (I'm a college lecturer at a large university) All should be good, but in reality, I hate my new body.

I don't think I'm alone. I think this is one of those "dirty little secrets" many in the WLS community feel but maybe don't verbalize. While I am thankful my health has improved, the mirror has become even more of an enemy. I didn't have wrinkles before, because my face was full. I had boobs, because as we know they are mainly fat. My legs were big but I still wore shorts, something I won't be doing this spring and summer. I had an ass, one that didn't sag and one that protected my tailbone that is now permanently bruised and inhibits sleeping on my back.

I know this a negative post and I don't mean to be such a "debbie downer" about this experience. But I think it's important to talk about the tough stuff. The reality of what it might feel like a year out for many people. It's not all "kum by yah" and being thinner does not solve all of our whoas. I miss my boobs. I hate plopping my saggy skin into a sports bra and positioning it to resemble boobs. I hate the fact that the skin on my legs hangs over my knees. I hate the wrinkles on my face and the skin under my chin. I hide my body from my husband more than I did before. I don't smile when I look in the mirror like I assumed I would. Maybe someone warned me about these things- but I must not have listened because I was not prepared for how I currently feel.

Was the surgery worth it? Yes because my health is still the priority. But this reality, well my friends, it sucks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, things are sagging big time for me too and I'm still at 195 lb. In fact, given that reality I have moved my weight goal from 150 to 170.

Perhaps a breast lift would help. I am not a big believer in plastic surgery but in our case, I think we have a medical reason. Just as someone in a crash that needs reconstruction, we need help. It's not like we can workout to the shape we should be. Plastics are expensive but I have come to the sad realization a breast lift for me is a necessity. I went from a 42 DD to a 38D but things have gone south in a major way. With an additional 25 weight loss expected things are bound to get even worse. I'll see how that goes and then consider a Tummy Tuck. I'll have to wait until I stop losing weight for any of this to happen. My surgery was only 4 months ago.

Surprisingly my bat wings don't bother me as much as my breasts. Even my tummy is not so bad because I wear Shapewear. I am fortunate my knees look fine but I am more of a Bermuda shorts kind of girl. Love shorts that hit at the knee or right below. The other area that is seriously annoying is the flab between my legs. Wearing a dress will always require shorts as an undergarment. When the weather gets hot that's going to be horrible. I also noticed when I try pants the fabric has to be fairly heavy or with lycra or the sag/bumps on my legs are visible right through. Yikes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

O my dear , I totally understand you , completely . As a woman my self , it is so hard to except that we are so much more than physical beings. We live in a world that the physical appearance is how we are judged . Then we are brain washed that we judge our selves as others do . I do it to my self . Its not right . On both account. But this is the hurtful truth. Yes we gain our lives. Our families get to love us on earth longer . But there are sacrifices. They are hard pills to swallow. And you are not alone in your sadness . There are many of us who share in this with you. There are no easy answers. For many of us we can not afford to pay to fix our imperfections. I can't . So , I try to be be an illusionist to the world. I try to look the best I can . But it is hard to look at the truth by myself behind closed doors . Sincerely , Kendra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I still have a long way to go but I did read a lot about these problems and just after my surgery I started putting money aside for the next surgery. I plan on getting a thigh tuck, my bat wings and a bum left at the same time. As I'm planning on another child in the future I'll leave my tummy and boobs time down there and they can get attack and fill.

I'm doing this for me not for anybody else and I don't feel judged by having to do these things as I know that it will be important for my own self image and self-healing

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry that you hate the new you, I hope in time your mind changed, I agree with ther comments perhaps you can get plastics and feel good about yourself again , I sm considering that now and I am 10 months post opt, why don't you set up a free consultation at a plastic surgeons office to see about your options good luck .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry you are so unhappy with your appearance. Your body sounds like mine. My face is a lot wrinklier and I look older. My boobs were DD and now B's. I would be an A cup if it weren't for the extra skin stuffed in there. I have no butt and the skin that used to cover my ass is pooled at the bottom of my former butt. Extra thigh skin sags at my knees. The only good part is most of the skin on my stomach, neck and arms tightened up by 10 months. It's still there, but not too bad.

But for me, the way I feel far outweighs any aesthetics. I can do so many more things in comfort. Work, play and everyday activities are just easier. And at least with clothes on I look way better than the fatty I was before. I feel more comfortable going out in public. I'm no longer the biggest one in the room. Shopping for clothes is actually enjoyable....I'm not just looking for stuff to cover up the fat. I bought capris instead of shorts to wear in the summer.

There are a lot of exercises you can do to try and tone some of your parts....especially legs, butt and arms. And like others said, you can always look into plastics later on. I don't plan on plastics, but if I did it would just be to remove extra skin from my boobs and legs. No augmenting ANYTHING. I've been I told like a prepubescent boy now, and quite frankly I find this body a lot "easier" to live with than my old curvy one. I sure hope you find some things to like and find peace with the new you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

YES, YES and YES! I hate my body too but I love my life. I guess it's an even trade.

I hope you find peace, acceptance and HAPPINESS!

Carol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can relate to all the body issues you describe--saggy butt, deflated boobs, skin I tuck into my pants...a face that looks older...BUT I LOVE my body! I love what it can DO that it never could before!! Running (15 miles today), yoga (handstands!), swimming and cycling (triathlons), heck just walking up flights of stairs or around the block! Fitting into airline and movie theatre and lobby seats with room to spare, fitting well behind the steering wheel, fitting into an off the rack size 4 easily and consistently. LOVE my new body for sure. And I look great in clothes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Funniest thing happened yesterday. Had to go to the apple store with my computer. It's heavy so I placed it in a piece of luggage with wheels.

Well, in order to get it out I had to bend down and forward. Behold my boobs decided to slide right out of the bra. They poured out from the top and when I got up I had this bump on my chest that was not exactly easy to conceal. I had the Genius dude right in front of me and it wasn't like I could get my hands in my shirt and organize things. Jeez, ridiculous situation to be in. When I finally got to the car I couldn't help but laugh, look around and rearrange things. Note to self, when purchasing a bra, I must do the bend forward test to make sure things stay in. Trust me, I didn't see this one coming!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh goodness, I don't know what you are experiencing... yet. But I know I will once I lose my weight. I am just starting my journey and have my first appointment with the surgeon in April. I am a very big girl with over 200 lb to lose. I know I will look like a deflated balloon when I'm done and I am already saving up the money for surgery to remove the extra skin. However, I know it will be worth it. I would rather look like a wrinkled prune then continue to carry around this extra weight. If I have to, I will duct tape my extra skin to me and enjoy my new life! I looked at the pictures that you posted on your profile, and you are beautiful. Don't let that negative voice in your head get to you! You have come a long ways and conquered a very hard thing! :-) When you look at your saggy skin, just think of where you were a few months ago, and how much better you feel. I know, easier said than done! Congratulations on your weightloss success! B)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just joined today and read your post and was wondering if you started toning your body right after surgery?I got a fitbit and joined the Gym to try and advoid the gravity issue.Been doing good lost 40.7 in 3 months along with 63 lbs.Being older (54) its harder for the skin to snap back but if you exercise n tone in your 20 and 30's you shouldn't need plastic surgery unless you lost like 200+ lbs.I will definetly be seeing a plastic surgeon for stomach, butt, face and bat wings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Exercise and toning just helps fill out the loose skin it doesn't make it not loose...genetics and age do that. I'm not in my 20's/30's but have been toning and exercising from the start. I run half marathons and training for a full, do yoga and weighs and have 18% body fat...but I also have loose skin covering it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This really scares me! I'm hoping to lose 30 lbs more before surgery and work out 2-3 times a week now... I'm also 32. Hoping these factors will aid in not having to much lose skin on arms, legs and face.... I will on my tummy and possibly thighs. This all worries me ????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am naturally very muscular. This is part of the boob issue because when I was an athlete I had pecks not boobs. So I don't have much breast tissue. My arms and legs are very muscular and have been throughout the last year. I met a trainer who was shocked I wasn't on a lifting program already because of how stacked I look in the arms and legs. He agreed I would have to lift like professional body builder to fill out any more of the excess skin. Most women tone muscles but mine are really built like a guys.

I have not been doing formal cardio other than the 7,000 steps I walk daily at work. I do a some light arm exercises. If the weather ever improves, (It's snowing here in my section of Maryland) I will be out doing more things.

I have an April 2 appointment with a plastic surgeon who specializes in after weight loss procedures. I'm not getting my hopes up but I want to see what the options are and how much it costs. My daughter heads to college in the fall so paying for surgery is probably not realistic.

I hope people who read my initial post, especially those who are starting out, understand this issue is part of the journey they need to deal with. I think we all focus so much on the food, and the Protein, and the scale, and the exercise etc. I think many of us assume a smaller body is going to transform how we feel about ourselves. My point is the fact that the new body is different, not necessarily better. You gotta wrap your head around it sooner rather than later.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for putting this into words. The excess skin, sagging boobs are tough. I have learned to love my new body because of what it enables me to do. But at the same time I am saving up for a full Tummy Tuck and a boob job. People think that when you lose the weight you are magically happier with your body, and maybe for some people they are. I have always been and will always be critical of myself and the excess skin is probably my number one nemesis! Well done on your weight loss, and also for keeping it real on the message boards. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×