Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

I have been In this relationship for 15 years. Some of you know it's not going well.. I'm in therapy deciding if I want or even if I can stay. The man I dated in my teen years has always told me he wished we would of got married. He has only one time made a comment about weight. We have been texting. He is married now. I'm going to go have coffee with him. No big deal.. But I'm not saying who I'm having coffee with. ???????? it feels like a dirty little secret. I try to keep my side of the street clean. I know that my relationship is ending. But I don't want to be that person. I also don't want to use an action like that to give me courage to do the breakup.. That's not fair to anyone. Ugh I think I'm gonna go admit who I'm having lunch with. But I'm still going

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, If this was me, I would first sever all ties with current relationship before pursuing another one, with that being said if this man your going to meet for coffee is a good friend that's 1 thing...but I'm from the old school unless his wife knows you and knows that you two are friends and going to have coffee.than I wouldn't meet him. I don't believe nor condone cheating in any sense of the word...and if he leaves his current wife for your....he will leave you for another woman.

And if your in Therapy to help your relationship..why would you even think/dream of having coffee with another man. Fix or end the relationship your in now first.

Once a cheater always a cheater. Wrong...so very Wrong!!

Just my 2 cents of course.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think this whole process is crazy hard on the best of relationships, so if the core isn't strong going in, then there are sure to be mountains that come up. Some people feel that as they start to find themselves they realize that they have 'settled' for way too long and refuse to do so any longer. It's important that you do what you need to do in order to be happy. On that note I agree with your desire to not be that person. I would be very careful in revisiting that relationship when you are feeling so vulnerable and unsure. You admitted that he is married and considering that, I don't recommend putting yourself into a situation that begins with 'behind the scenes', why take a step backwards. As a female in a relationship, put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if you had a husband and he was going for coffee with someone he wished he had married all those years ago??? Not exactly an empowering life choice :)

Edited by dropdeadweightdiva

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Regardless of what anyone says, you are going to do what you want to do. I caution you to be careful, friendships with the best intentions can easily slip into something else. I am not here to judge you. if you are unhappy, sep from your husband for a trial, continue therapy, and see if that is what both of you really want.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes I won't ever be the other woman. But they have an open relationship. We don't. I told my other half about lunch and the only comment I got was about that my lipstick was too red and bring home jimboys

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

.

Edited by woo woo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The other man has an "open" relationship with his wife. Yeah, right. That's what they all say....

Either figure out your relationship, or end it. Then move on to having coffee with other men. Unmarried ones, preferably.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You want to be one of the many in the open relationship?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is so cliche.

You're in a bad relationship.

He's in an open marriage.

Right.

You're unhappy.

He's always loved you.

Right.

This will keep us entertained for about three months.

That's about how long these things take to build up, bang, and go bust.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am of the mind that you must do whatever it takes to tear yourself out of your unhealthy situation. Whatever it takes.

I can't agree. I wouldn't do that to another woman nor would I want a man who isn't faithful.

I also fancy myself strong enough to get out a bad relationship on my own and without the "help" of another relationship.

Again, that's just me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been in this situation before where and old "friend" wants to have lunch/coffee whatever, and even though it may be harmless, I always put myself in my husbands shoes. How would I feel if he went out to lunch/coffee with and old "friend". I would be so freakin jealous so I just have never let myself in that situation and neither has he.

Good luck with your decision. That's just my 2 cents worth!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We're all doing a lot of judging but not much actual talking about this. I think it's a little unfair. It's touchy but let's really open and talk rather than just judge, shame and criticize.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a number of friends in very successful marriages that are open to one degree or another.

I also have a number of friends that believe you can love more than one person at a time.

I don't think this guy's marriage state has any bearing on the real issue.

Personally, I think having this coffee would only muddy the waters. You need to decide what you can live with and what you cannot, and then act accordingly. An attraction to someone else should not be a part of this decision.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No I happen to know his wife. We have all gone out together and she's polly. Today was a rough day. I probably acted out due to the fact that it was my dads birthday. He And his twin brother went missing in Sitka 10 years ago. I choose to care for my mother who's dementia has made her mean. I love her and want her to have freedom. But she thinks I steal and will say I'm worthless. I am

Aware this is the dementia. My mom loves me. My other half wants to move to another state. I have said have fun go goodbye. And the weapon wielded today is. Why would you stay. Your mom hates you. She thinks your a POS ect ect. Until I

Cryed. I'm not going to cheat but yes I did use my ex to feel human. To have someone look at me as ... Me was great. I'm aware this is a long freaking post and no I'm not saying that my emotional state makes an affair ok. But yes I was debating cheating to use as a chickens way to quickly end this dragging out crap relationship that I'm sure is over but I can't pull the trigger.

Edited by Countrygrrl

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • allwet

      https://www.cell.com/cell-reports/fulltext/S2211-1247(19)30834-4
      this one is interesting but a tough slog to get thru
      this review is easier to understand
      https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/07/weight-loss-rage-proteins/594073/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Jobber

      Feel like it's time for a status update, I haven't been on here regularly in a while and I need to keep my mindset focused on my goals.
      I haven't weighed myself in ~ 3 weeks.  I think I'm becoming the opposite of "obsessive" about tracking my progress and it could cause me some issues.  The good thing is that there have still been quite a number of NSV's happening that is telling me that I'm still progressing without knowing what the scale says.
      First one is that a belt I bought about 5 weeks ago because all my other belts were too big is also on the last hole so I'll have to buy yet another belt again.  second, I bought new jeans about a month ago and I have a lot more slack in the waist than I did when I purchased them.  I also boarded a plane and had about 8 inches of slack in the belt.  Finally, I hit my goal last week of being able to ride go-carts with my kids.  The last time I tried about 4 years ago, I had to leave because I couldn't fit in the harness.  This was sweet victory and I showed those two how it was done on the race course!!  😈
      · 1 reply
      1. FluffyChix

        Congrats!!!

    • Krestel

      I just looked through all my old pants after my pre-op pants started getting to big. Keep in mind that I wear men's pants (usually cargos) because I am so tall 5'10"/5'11" ish. I also find that men's baggies tend to fit me better.
      I started out at a 44 in waist pant and quickly found that I was back down to my 42's. So even when thise got to be too big, I had to start pulling old clothes out of storage. After finding my 38's, I thought that these would not yet fit, but when I tried them on, they fit perfectly. I also found some older pants that now fit better than I remembered. What a relief! It's not like I can pop down to the store like I could do in the US and the styles here in Sweden are all skinnt jeans which I cant stand. I also found some 36's, but I'm not mentally ready to try those on yet. The biggest challenge will be buying women's clothing again. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • allwet

      slow and steady wins the race.  don't get discouraged and just keep at it. Let your sleeve do its job and try not to stress yourself out.
      hope you are all having a great summer and enjoying what your sleeve has given you.
      just got back from a wedding in OR. and man am i afraid to get on the scale  
      · 2 replies
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        Fascinating! Thank you!

      2. Krestel

        Great reminder about how fast you can lose weight. The mind games we play with ourselves are the worst.

    • TinaLeo  »  mombrown35

      I had ESG on July 1st down  15 lbs at weigh in July 11th
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×