I have been In this relationship for 15 years. Some of you know it's not going well.. I'm in therapy deciding if I want or even if I can stay. The man I dated in my teen years has always told me he wished we would of got married. He has only one time made a comment about weight. We have been texting. He is married now. I'm going to go have coffee with him. No big deal.. But I'm not saying who I'm having coffee with. ???????? it feels like a dirty little secret. I try to keep my side of the street clean. I know that my relationship is ending. But I don't want to be that person. I also don't want to use an action like that to give me courage to do the breakup.. That's not fair to anyone. Ugh I think I'm gonna go admit who I'm having lunch with. But I'm still going

Well, If this was me, I would first sever all ties with current relationship before pursuing another one, with that being said if this man your going to meet for coffee is a good friend that's 1 thing...but I'm from the old school unless his wife knows you and knows that you two are friends and going to have coffee.than I wouldn't meet him. I don't believe nor condone cheating in any sense of the word...and if he leaves his current wife for your....he will leave you for another woman.

And if your in Therapy to help your relationship..why would you even think/dream of having coffee with another man. Fix or end the relationship your in now first.

Once a cheater always a cheater. Wrong...so very Wrong!!

Just my 2 cents of course.

I think this whole process is crazy hard on the best of relationships, so if the core isn't strong going in, then there are sure to be mountains that come up. Some people feel that as they start to find themselves they realize that they have 'settled' for way too long and refuse to do so any longer. It's important that you do what you need to do in order to be happy. On that note I agree with your desire to not be that person. I would be very careful in revisiting that relationship when you are feeling so vulnerable and unsure. You admitted that he is married and considering that, I don't recommend putting yourself into a situation that begins with 'behind the scenes', why take a step backwards. As a female in a relationship, put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if you had a husband and he was going for coffee with someone he wished he had married all those years ago??? Not exactly an empowering life choice

Edited January 26, 201511 yr by dropdeadweightdiva

Regardless of what anyone says, you are going to do what you want to do. I caution you to be careful, friendships with the best intentions can easily slip into something else. I am not here to judge you. if you are unhappy, sep from your husband for a trial, continue therapy, and see if that is what both of you really want.

Yes I won't ever be the other woman. But they have an open relationship. We don't. I told my other half about lunch and the only comment I got was about that my lipstick was too red and bring home jimboys

Personally, I wouldn't have coffee with a married man no matter how "open" their relationship might be.

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Edited February 5, 201511 yr by woo woo

The other man has an "open" relationship with his wife. Yeah, right. That's what they all say....

Either figure out your relationship, or end it. Then move on to having coffee with other men. Unmarried ones, preferably.

You want to be one of the many in the open relationship?

This is so cliche.

You're in a bad relationship.

He's in an open marriage.

Right.

You're unhappy.

He's always loved you.

Right.

This will keep us entertained for about three months.

That's about how long these things take to build up, bang, and go bust.

I am of the mind that you must do whatever it takes to tear yourself out of your unhealthy situation. Whatever it takes.

I can't agree. I wouldn't do that to another woman nor would I want a man who isn't faithful.

I also fancy myself strong enough to get out a bad relationship on my own and without the "help" of another relationship.

Again, that's just me.

I have been in this situation before where and old "friend" wants to have lunch/coffee whatever, and even though it may be harmless, I always put myself in my husbands shoes. How would I feel if he went out to lunch/coffee with and old "friend". I would be so freakin jealous so I just have never let myself in that situation and neither has he.

Good luck with your decision. That's just my 2 cents worth!!

We're all doing a lot of judging but not much actual talking about this. I think it's a little unfair. It's touchy but let's really open and talk rather than just judge, shame and criticize.

I have a number of friends in very successful marriages that are open to one degree or another.

I also have a number of friends that believe you can love more than one person at a time.

I don't think this guy's marriage state has any bearing on the real issue.

Personally, I think having this coffee would only muddy the waters. You need to decide what you can live with and what you cannot, and then act accordingly. An attraction to someone else should not be a part of this decision.

No I happen to know his wife. We have all gone out together and she's polly. Today was a rough day. I probably acted out due to the fact that it was my dads birthday. He And his twin brother went missing in Sitka 10 years ago. I choose to care for my mother who's dementia has made her mean. I love her and want her to have freedom. But she thinks I steal and will say I'm worthless. I am

Aware this is the dementia. My mom loves me. My other half wants to move to another state. I have said have fun go goodbye. And the weapon wielded today is. Why would you stay. Your mom hates you. She thinks your a POS ect ect. Until I

Cryed. I'm not going to cheat but yes I did use my ex to feel human. To have someone look at me as ... Me was great. I'm aware this is a long freaking post and no I'm not saying that my emotional state makes an affair ok. But yes I was debating cheating to use as a chickens way to quickly end this dragging out crap relationship that I'm sure is over but I can't pull the trigger.

Edited January 27, 201511 yr by Countrygrrl

I think this whole process is crazy hard on the best of relationships, so if the core isn't strong going in, then there are sure to be mountains that come up. Some people feel that as they start to find themselves they realize that they have 'settled' for way too long and refuse to do so any longer. It's important that you do what you need to do in order to be happy. On that note I agree with your desire to not be that person. I would be very careful in revisiting that relationship when you are feeling so vulnerable and unsure. You admitted that he is married and considering that, I don't recommend putting yourself into a situation that begins with 'behind the scenes', why take a step backwards. As a female in a relationship, put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if you had a husband and he was going for coffee with someone he wished he had married all those years ago??? Not exactly an empowering life choice

Yes I'm working on healthy choices. And I would hate to make a rash decisions. I'm just glad they thinking and actions are two different things