I have been In this relationship for 15 years. Some of you know it's not going well.. I'm in therapy deciding if I want or even if I can stay. The man I dated in my teen years has always told me he wished we would of got married. He has only one time made a comment about weight. We have been texting. He is married now. I'm going to go have coffee with him. No big deal.. But I'm not saying who I'm having coffee with. ???????? it feels like a dirty little secret. I try to keep my side of the street clean. I know that my relationship is ending. But I don't want to be that person. I also don't want to use an action like that to give me courage to do the breakup.. That's not fair to anyone. Ugh I think I'm gonna go admit who I'm having lunch with. But I'm still going

No! No! And No! None of this sounds right. "Open" marriage? What?! Open as in they tell each other everything? Thats the only way "Open" is appropriate in a marriage! I am telling you, you DO NOT want to cheat in order to end a relationship! Don't even waste your time with that "thought". Not only is it a horrible thing to do to another human but it's setting you up for failure. God doesn't like ugly! Nothing good comes from ending a relationship in that way. If You don't want to be with this man after 15 years for whatever reasons then fine that's your choice as a grown adult but at least try to do it in a amicable way. I don't know your life and I sure don't know your man or what he's done to you to make you even consider these things BUT as crappy as he may be, people can only do to you what you allow them to do. Remove yourself from the situation. If you are that miserable chances are he's not over there whistling Dixie! If you end it in a mature way you will probably be doing both of you a favor in the end (even if it takes some time passing to realize it). It's nice to feel "wanted" and be sent nice messages and have coffee "dates" I get it but it means a hell of a lot more when your single and the person showing all this interest is single too. It sounds like you have enough stress in your life at the moment, don't add to your misery by conjuring up crazy thoughts! Take some YOU time. I'm sending you well wishes and I wish you all the best. Do what you know is right morally and make decisions you are comfortable living with. Good luck!!! Oh and PS I don't buy into the whole weight loss causing "affairs" who-ha! I LOVE and am IN love with my husband Fat, skinny, ect.. No amount of fat or lack thereof is going to change what's in my heart for my husband. In fact there wasn't any talk about weight or pounds of fat in any of our wedding vowels! :)

Edited January 28, 201511 yr by Elode

Oh and PS I don't buy into the whole weight loss causing "affairs" who-ha!

Agreed. WLS doesn't cause affairs, PEOPLE cause affairs.

Agreed. WLS doesn't cause affairs, PEOPLE cause affairs.

And to piggy back on that, most people who have affairs after WLS have had problems in their marriages or relationships way before they lost the weight. Strong relationships deal with the challenges WLS may bring TOGETHER.

I feel like there are so many people ready to judge here, yes OP put herself out there, but statistically, affairs happen, even in what appears to be a great marriage. How about some compassion, rather than being catty? It is pretty common for someone who has been lonely for a long time, to enjoy some outside attention, makes you feel human. I have seen it in many of my close friend's and family's relationships, and also in my own 17 year marriage. I have a wonderful husband, he works hard, supports me 100% in whatever I want to do..but falls short on the little things, birthdays, holidays, daily things, helping around the house, etc., and they add up. At some point, you have to decide what you can and cannot live with. OP, do what you need to do for yourself, but don't go so far as to hurt your spouse, or end up the other woman. Good luck!

And to piggy back on that, most people who have affairs after WLS have had problems in their marriages or relationships way before they lost the weight. Strong relationships deal with the challenges WLS may bring TOGETHER.

I guess I'm missing "the challenges" of WLS. Other them some physical oddities like poop soup and sliming, it's all fabulous!

@@jenbaby75 Catty? When people post their private business on a public forum, particularly having to do with a moral issue, you will receive a whole spectrum of responses...advice, compassion, enablers, judgements, opinions, and hard truths. The OP and anyone taking the time to read & respond has gotta take the good with the bad because it is the internet & responses should be policed by moderators and/or the site owner. I didn't see any cattiness going on here and why would it matter...

I'm sorry but I don't see how compassion fits into opening a door with a man who is not your husband...

Are they married? I could be wrong but for some reason I got the impression that they are not.

Sweetie, I would tread carefully on having coffee with an ex. It's a slippery slope. Solve one issue at a time. Finish what is going on with your partner and then move on to the next issue. You don't need to add more onto your plate right now. Take time to get comfortable in your own new skin and enjoy being with yourself. Only then can you truly enjoy being with someone else. I wish you well!

Obviously you know it's wrong if you are feeling like this. If you are getting out of your marriage get out, but you will need to wait until he is out as well...then give it some time....then see if you are right for each other. You both may just be reliving the glory years simply because you are so unhappy in your current relationships now. Be alone for awhile. You need to

Not married long term relationship. 15 years. I have to say talking about it isn't doing it and thoughts are not actions or I would be in prison. And yes they are open. They have had happy threesome. She takes lovers he takes lovers blah blah blah. I don't judge them. I have enough of my own stuff to work with. My fear was using him as a easy out. I decided not to do so. After fifteen years if I need 6 months to end this In a way to keep my side of the road clean I will. We meet for lunch/coffee all the time. That's not gonna stop. I have no problem meeting with a married person.

@@Countrygrrl Ok good! Don't end up on wives with knives! My husband would never have any Outings with another woman (not if he wanted to keep his face attached to his body) out of respect for me and vise versa but like you said they have a "arrangement" that makes it ok for them thats fine whatever. I hope they have brains enough to understand that "most" people value having a monogamous relationship and interfering in that could get them hurt. Like over here at the Mason's house. I will cut a bi*ch to say it nicely! I'm glad your figuring it all out! I knew you would.

Yes I won't ever be the other woman.

Famous last words.

If you don't want to be, don't be.

Open relationships are touchy, if you don't know what's involved in that, don't play in the deep end.

Don't fool yourself. Get OUT of your relationship and stay OUT of others relationships. Regardless of whether or not they say they are "open".

Do whatever you want. It is nobody's problem but your own.