How to forgive someone?

[My Bariatric Life 764]

@@Nate74 I am very happy for you and admire your commitment to Self. I was very fortunate to have a Spiritual Guide help me on my path. Some of the things he told me:

Use your words only to lift people up (Mom told me that one, too)

Love even when it doesn't make sense

It is an opportunity to grow. What have I learned from this life lesson?

Its not my job to fix the other person

When negative thoughts arise say, "No! I refuse to accept these thoughts!"

And he always encouraged me to pray

Something I read in class tonight is that you may do good things in this lifetime and not receive the benefit/rewards of that in this lifetime (I am paraphrasing).

My personal experience is that just like building muscle by working out at the gym, or building a skill such as piano playing through lessons, that this too takes practice to master our emotions so that we are acting through love always. I was just put to the test yesterday and it was natural this time around to keep my emotions under control in a situation that was very painful. I did my best to bring love and harmony to restore peace but it seems I did not accomplish that. And although I'd like it to have turned out differently, I have to resist to try and fix it any further (that would be forcing my will upon someone), and let it be in G-d's hands now.

I read this today, "Non-interference is the most important spiritual law in the universe. Interference is when you deliberately try to control another’s life... If you’re not interfering with others, you can focus on living your own life... Are you trying to fix them, and how exactly are you going to do that? Whom have you ever fixed? It would be more important to ask yourself why you need to solve another’s problems. It’s amazing, when you leave people alone, they like it. This is the understanding of the spiritual law of harmony— non-interference."

Keep up the good work!

[shellyd88 463]

Forgiveness is really for you not for the offenders benefit so you can move on lesson learned it doesn't mean u have to hang out with that person or have any kind of relationship with them

[Puppypaws57 137]

Oh, I didn't find you preachy at all. I appreciate your honesty. No need to apologize. You have helped me more than you know.

[Nate74 45]

Edited August 13, 2015 by Nate74

[Nate74 45]

I have read many responses here that say Forgive but don't forget...and I think that is where we keep holding on to the hurt and maybe even making it worse then the actual offense.

Yes there is a lesson here, but there are lessons everywhere in good things as well as bad. When you forgive someone for something you need to forget about it to move on. If you keep telling yourself that you have forgiven but you have not forgotten have you truly forgiven?

It's impossible because somewhere you are still remembering and harboring the feelings of hurt and pain. They may be buried deep down among the piles of forgiveness you have covered it with but it is still there festering like the potato in the pocket someone wrote about because you have not forgotten.

When we truly forgive and forget we are able to let go of the hurt. We are able to dissociate ourselves from the bad feelings about or toward that person; that behavior or ourselves. It becomes part of our past. We have learned and we have grown stronger in the experience of it. That does not mean that we need to keep harboring the thoughts of it to learn our lesson. If you refuse to forget you are still nailing yourself and your loved one to that proverbial cross every time you revisit it and experiencing the pain of it over and over again.

If you take this saying literally Forgive & Forget here are the definitions of both words.

Forgive:

To give up resentment against or stop wanting to punish (someone) for an offense or fault; pardon.

Forget:

To treat with thoughtless inattention; To banish from one's thoughts.

Makes sense doesn't' it?

It is in this way that we are removed of the burden that causes us to feel guilty or ill willed about an event or behavior that we have experienced. We can never un-live or un-learn it but we can choose to forgive, let go and forget.

Of course this is much easier said then done In forgetting we are relinquishing our need for control of ourselves and others.

I like this saying also when it comes to forgetting and letting go...when all else fails. Let go and Let God.

Give it over to a higher power, (what ever that is in your life) take a deep breath and know that you have done your best.

I hear what your saying and i struggle with this everyday. I continue to pray about it and ask for strength i belive i have truly forgiven but i'm struggling to forget. I try to force the thoughts out to not feel the pain and sometimes i find i am at peace with it but i find i'll see something or hear something that brings the feelings back. I try to do the opposite of what i'm feeling and it helps but i wonder if i'll be able to truly forget. I don't think there is an easy way to do this but i thought maybe i'd ask your opinion on how you handle forgetting. I'm sure it will take time as my pain is very recent but i just keep trying. I'm also very scared that as i find myself changing within myself i kee having stronger feelings for this person and it scares me that i will get hurt 10 times worse. I know it's wrong to feel that way and i try to give it to god and believe that it is for a purpose but i have to admit it really scares me.

[Tashabella 52]

You have to love yourself more than you hate what another person did to you. They aren't worth it. You are letting them win if you let it affect you. I have just been through this.

Right now you might *not be able to eat*, but that doesn't last forever so address your issues now. Forgive. Love yourself.

[Nate74 45]

I'm starting to think god is preparing me to lose my wife. It doesn't make sense but i just keep giving it to god. I know my wife has no respect for me nor desire and i'm not even sure if she has that much love for me anymore but i keep praying about it. It doesn't make any sense to me but i try not to hold on to my understanding. I keep trying to live by my vows better or worse but how do you hold on to someone who rejects you all the time and makes you feel like you betrayed them?

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Nate,

I am one who believes in taking action... then at least I feel like I tried everything. Have you considered counseling for yourself and then perhaps couples counseling?

My ex had long since fallen out of love with me in a "couples sort of way". I initiated our breakup several years ago and i have since discovered that we make better friends than life partners. he is still a wonderful man, but we were somehow holding each other down. I wish I knew how to fix things... as I am a "fixer" by nature... but sometimes it is like things have gone so far down a path nobody even understands it anymore. That is how I felt anyway. Even with the benefit of hindsight, I am still not entirely sure what I could have done differently as it was a series of events and issues - not some single thing. Maybe there were just too many things and too complicated to forgive? I don't know, but i think it is worth trying to save things.

I'm starting to think god is preparing me to lose my wife. It doesn't make sense but i just keep giving it to god. I know my wife has no respect for me nor desire and i'm not even sure if she has that much love for me anymore but i keep praying about it. It doesn't make any sense to me but i try not to hold on to my understanding. I keep trying to live by my vows better or worse but how do you hold on to someone who rejects you all the time and makes you feel like you betrayed them?

[newmebithebypass 713]

@@Puppypaws57 in response to how to forgive sexual abuse I found the best way is to remember that it was not your fault and that you are worthy of love

[Puppypaws57 137]

@@Puppypaws57 in response to how to forgive sexual abuse I found the best way is to remember that it was not your fault and that you are worthy of love

I'm working on it. Thanks!

[MrsKarenC2008 622]

I book marked this website ... and when I'm in trying times of inner conflict ... I find it most helpful to refer to ...

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/mind-and-soul/45-life-lessons-written-by-a-90-year-old-woman/ss-AAeKsyB#image=1

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I book marked this website ... and when I'm in trying times of inner conflict ... I find it most helpful to refer to ...

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/mind-and-soul/45-life-lessons-written-by-a-90-year-old-woman/ss-AAeKsyB#image=1

GREAT bookmark. Great 45 life lessons that bring you back to earth.

[2twinkle 86]

Yes!

Forgiveness!

We embrace freedom through forgiving the unforgivable.

Step One: Look at how you were effected by what happened. Really examine it and feel the pain.

Step Two: Write it down. Use a timeline to focus on the impact it has had on your life. Then compose a letter stating what they did and how it effected you. Lastly, state you want to move on with your life and so you forgive them for the pain they caused you.

Step Three: Read the letter out loud to an understanding friend.

Step Four: Burn the letter

Step Five: Cleanse yourself by burning sage or taking a salt bath.

That's it.

Tip: Be careful selecting who will listen to your letter. You want some one who can listen compassionately, let you feel your pain, loves you, and does not give advice.

[BigUtahMan 207]

I have found forgiveness is a skill that must be practiced, and often.
Forgiveness is more of a decision of you not trying to carry the weight of being wronged, than relieving the offender of anything we otherwise want them to feel.
Also my faith also teaches me, Christ paid for their sin, and suffered for my emotions. So ignoring those facts is insulting my God and my faith which is now a me issue regardless of the offense I suffered through. My resolution needs to be found through my faith in God, not in the actions of others.

[Nate74 45]

I agree with you and find myself forgiving daily. I pray for my ex that she finds peace and god. I have since discovered from my original post the affairs have been going on since before i was engaged but i still forgive and just trying to move on with my life for me and my two daughters. I have attended divorce care twice through my church and going through my second time of single and parenting. I know only through god's grace that allows me to forgive her even if I'll never understand. I believe the one thing that helped me get past it all was recently when i told her how i felt about it all knowing it went on deaf ears but it was for my peace of mind to get it out. Thank you all for your words of wisdom.