My thoughts have been all over the place mostly wondering how people think they can tell you what to do or how to live, or even how to fail.

About 14yrs ago I went in for a consultation for surgery and was told I was too emotional, and it wasn't in my best interest to have it done, this is when I was diagnosed with bipolar. The surgeon told me that emotional eating is the number one cause for failure of surgery. Oh great I came in here to change my life for the better and I feel like he is already making me feel like I will fail at this.

I decided to go on a diet instead and of course the story of my life, I went on probably 10 of them, of course they worked. I just gained it all back and then some.

Fast forward to now, I am 57 and decided that is it, I want to be skinny for the 3rd time in my life, I have been in care of mental health system for years and stabilized for years.

I moved to another state and couldn't find a job that paid insurance so I decided to try the Veterans Administration, and I got approved. I started to see a dietician there and she got me on the right track and I ate sensibly for 15 mos and lost 30lbs, it didn't seem alot to me since I could lose that much in less than a year but this was not a diet it was a lifestyle change.

After this length of time I started talking to her about surgery and she said she didn't believe in it, but at the same time she was going to school to get her Masters, and she had an entire class about it and she did a complete 180 and told me that we should go for it and she would help me fight to get approval.

The approval process consisted of her, a coordinator for surgery, the surgeons nurse, and my psychiatric team. Everything was a go until I was given my psychological exam for the procedure, and so they all got on intercom and discussed it and the surgeons nurse decided I needed further therapy and I was not a good candidate because I was an emotional eater.

The end product was giving me 3 mos to prove that I can lose it, and they would re-evaluate it again. The VA is scared that I will gain it back again and then they will have spent all that money on me.

When my dietician gave me this news I lost it. Prove I can lose it? are u kidding me? I just stayed on a long term eating plan for 15mos and I gotta prove I can lose it. She said that they thought I was the typical patient that would not be able to maintain a long term weight loss. Along with the 3 more months they wanted me to attend CBT, Depression, and Minfulness classes.

Well needless to say I got so pissed off I got this attitude about me, and now I don't care. I gained back the weight already! I feel so miserable and I feel like when I go for the surgery they set me up as a failure. Yes, I am an emotional eater, and yes I am addicted to food, how do you think I got this way. I am ready to make the changes I need to, and proved it but it just isn't enough.

I need to put on my big panties, suck it up and keep going but I don't know if I have it in me anymore. Maybe they are right, maybe I will fail but that is up to me, its my body not theirs.

Sorry that this was so long, but I need to know how I can change my bad attitude and get back on the bandwagon.

Thanks for reading this!

@@TatorTot - you're so close, don't give up. If 3 more months is all it takes, do it for you- you are worth this. The CBT, Depression, and Minfulness classes will be so helpful for your success. Depression improves with weight loss surgery. Knowing how to be mindful is so helpful post op when you need to listen to your body. Yes, it's 3 more months, but given your journey to get here, it's only 3 months- do it for you, not them!

Way to go reaching out and staying on top of this process, which is absurd. Don't give up! You deserve all good things. You deserve good physical and mental health. I believe the two of those are directly related. I am very happy to have lost weight but like others it is the being out of food jail that has been such an amazing thing. Not having that appetite monster on my back and the constant chatter....feed me, feed me. It's such a release, and a relief. I hope you can persevere and WIN this. Sending best wishes your way!

Wow, I am amazed at how many people chimed in with tons of support. This website and its people are the BOMB!

I want to thank everyone for their comments!!

I think I am going to move forward and come up with other options, and if they fail I can always go back to the VA with my tail between my legs so to speak. I can't trust them, with 1yr, and 3mos full of effort, only to hear I need to do this another 3mos is very unreasonable and who knows in the end if that is even going to be enough. I will continue to see my Dietician because she is great but I will also tell her that the VA is going to be my last resort. She will still do all she can to help. My initial desire to go this route is because they will pay for the surgery itself and I pay copays on the pre-op and post-op.

There are other things I am going to investigate meanwhile.

I gained every bit of the weight back, even after eating right so what does that tell ya. Somehow I have to get my head out of my butt and get back on my eating plan. I have actually hit the highest weight ever. SIGH!

Edited November 6, 201411 yr by TatorTot

I love this site SO much, too.

I will say, sometimes people are haters, dude. I have no idea why that nurse would go there, but in the end that's not the concern. The goal is to have the surgery (and have someone else foot the bill if possible) and if they are going to pay for the mindfulness classes, CBT and whatever that is only going to benefit you because you (we) need it and like it or not you proved it by gaining the weight back over emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, resentment????).

This going to be an unlearning process for all of us- unlearning the ways and habits that don't work and serve us that we have heavily relied on for so many of our excess pounds.

By staying in this place of resentment (taking rat poison (ie excess food) waiting for your medical team to die) is not going to get you your surgery and this or an incident similar is going to happen again and again to you (us/me) until we get it right.

A lot of people look at emotional or compulsive eating like a disease similar to drug addiction but I think its like cancer. Once you have the disease you have to stay on top of it, follow a healthy lifestyle and hope its stays in remission. We always have to mindful of it. We just came to the planet this way.

So, here's the rephrase: @@TatorTot, we believe you can be successful at this and we want to give you some additional tools to help you along the way. We want to offer you some cognitive behavioral therapy to help change your way of thinking and some happy, hippy dippy zen mindfulness classes. We think doing this extra bit of Eastern practice will give a balance of tools in your toolbox to keep your cancer in remission. And keep in mind, tatortot this Eastern stuff is really cutting edge for the Veteran's Administration but we believe in expanding our mission and resources to help folks just like you. We also what the highest return on our investment for all parties involved including you.

OK: what's your response now????

Mine would be to go get some Protein drinks and start following a pre-op diet to loose the regained weight and get to work on the classes

Edited November 7, 201411 yr by MisforMimi

They said you need to take classes and prove you're committed so you quit? Stick to it! You have already proven to yourself you can lose weight, why not prove it to them so you can get healthy???

I have been jumping thru hoops with Cigna too. It sucks but it's a game you have to play to get what you want. It was the psych eval that tripped me up too. I will tell them what they want to hear to get what I want. I'll go to their dr visits and do what I have to to get this surgery. I know, what is best for me, I hate that they think someone who had seen me on a bad day or week(my brother died and my psch appt was 3 days after his service and I was emotional big time. I'm almost there and was hoping to get it done before the end of the year but unless I have a miracle it's not looking like it'll happen till January. But copays be damned it's gonna happen. Get back on the wagon and give them what they want and do it for yourself

Tater tot:

I'm so sorry to read about your struggles. I got really angry reading your post too. *hugs.

I don't know a lot about bi-polar disorder so am trepadacious about giving my opinion. Still, I'll put it out there for consideration...

From what I read, it's not the dietician nor the nurse but the PSYCH EVAL that's tripping you up- You said you'd lost the weight they asked you too. Did you ask what else they want from you?

Sounds like you're stuck in a system that wants to keep you Unhealthy & under their thumb.

Sun-SU: The Art of War says, "Know your enemy." In this case, the Psych.

Know what they're looking for in answers that'll approve you for the WLS. You've already heard the questions they ask. Just Give them the answers they're looking for...nothing else.

Since someone thankfully on this thread who also has bi-polar has had WLS, that, in itself is not the disqualifier.

It could be very possible that the psych you went to has a hard-edge anti-WLS opinion and refuses a lot of them.

Get back on your healthy eating program- wait about 4-6 months & SHOW the dietician & psych & doc (again) you're able to lose weight. TELL them you're not so much of an emotional eater, that you've pretty much got it under control (even if you haven't quite yet).

Go to another Psych who has a lot of experience with obese patients and WLS effects on the psyche'. I'm pretty sure there are psych studies that show Bi-Polar patients show datas on improvements with WLS. Our chemical make-ups change with WLS so your emotional eating will take care of itself for the most part anyway.

Better yet, seek out the psych bi-polar research studies that show improvements, print them out and bring them to your psych sessions & the conference call. SHOW them to the psych. They won't be able to deny it if you shove it in their face!

Keep ALL your upcoming psych sessions upbeat & forward thinking. Excited about your upcoming WLS (as though you're already approved)

Don't get into your childhood or other traumas during your WLS psych sessions- it's JUST for the WLS- not to heal all the mental traumas.

Fake it till you make it girl!