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Has anyone become single as a result of their weight loss surgery?



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Yes me. I feel like when I lost weight I gained clarity. Found I was in an unhealthy relationships and I had been hiding in it for 15 years.

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I had my weight loss surgery 4 months ago and am down 84lbs, and my husband is driving me nuts, he is convinced I am cheating on him, he said it has nothing to do with the weight loss but that's BS!!! 84 lbs ago he could care less what I did, were I went or if I even came home after a night out with the girls, now he blows up my phone the entire time Im out and I have never given him a reason to believe that I was. I am how ever going out more than I was, I no longer feel like the big pink elephant in the room and I can actually find cute clothes that fit me. Its really an insult that he felt like no one would bother with me before but now I might have a shot. He's even looked at my phone records and was calling numbers!!! I know 2 other people that have had surgeries and they to are now divorced which is were I feel like I want to be, not because I want to find better but because he thought so little of me. Just remember everyones different, Im just telling of my experience. Good luck!!!

I have the same problem right now and I haven't even had surgery! My boyfriend of five years has always been jealous, constantly thinks I'm cheating on him, he too has gone through my phone to see if I was cheating!! I decided after that incident to change my passcode and now after reading everyone's input it makes me feel that his behavior will get worse after my surgery! I know our relationship is already going downhill so I'll just have to see how the next following months go!

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You guys will get a kick out of this story: I met this guy about 5 years ago, we started off as friends which turned to friends with benefits, while all this was going on..he kept telling me we were just friends....well we did EVERYTHING together including 1.5 yrs later moving in with each other but it only lasted about a year when problems arose with his adult kids (that's another story) but I moved out...we didn't talk to each other for about 6 months I actually was so mad at him for the way things went down, but anyway.. from what I heard, he was miserable after I left but didn't hesitate to have sex with every female he could find, including with the 2 most hated women in my life.

We started talking again, and became "weekend" friends with benefits AGAIN, eventually I was asked to move back in...I hesitated but since I fell so head over heals for him the first time..I couldn't let go. Little did I know, when I moved in..the sex stopped...no kissing, no hugging...nada...so I asked him...um..whats up? He said living together is one thing...he didn't want things to get complicated by having sex since we are just friends. I was like in shock..now that I had given up my apartment to come to this?..I told him, had I known you were going to do this..I wouldn't have moved in...no response from that.

Anyway...I let it go..but we have been living together now a little over 2 years...we do EVERYTHING together, we sleep in the same bed..we go to family outings (both sides) together..he goes to the store and actually thinks of me...he buys me some of my favorite goodies I like....we actually have a friendship that is 100% similar to a marriage, everyone we know...introduces us as boyfriend & girlfriend and he doesn't correct them. .but yet to him..we are just best friends.

He is so supportive of my surgery....and knows that I am so excited about this...being thinner and healthier that I am afraid that when I do lose weight he might start getting closer to me..would I like that? sure since I love him so much..but why wont he admit that we actually have a relationship? Was it my weight preventing him from announcing to everyone he was in a relationship with a fat girl?...is he just a commitment phobe? Or will this be my chance to actually find someone else...who knows.

Kinda weird huh? would love to hear your thoughts on that icky situation!! :blink:

I personally don't know you but it seems to me like you deserve someone so much more than what you have right now! If he does become closer to your when you become thinner why should you let him have you when he has made you suffer all of this time?! It's not fair to you! I would love to hear an update on this!

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I am currently in the process of getting a divorce. My WLS was over 4 years ago. The WLS did contribute to the divorce. It magnified the differences that were already there. Additionally I did change, physically, psychologically, emotionally, in fact in almost all ways. I do feel that in order to be a success with the WLS, one must focus on themselves, they have to commit to doing what is best for them. That is likely to come across as selfish to others, maybe it is. Its what I did and it has help me discover who I really am.

Simply put, we grew in two different paths over the last 4 years. We have some similarities yet, but the majority of the last two years we were living separate lives, I would do my things and she would do hers. It got to a point where I wanted someone to doing my things with me, not out of compromise rather to be doing them because they wanted to also. These and similar issue became worse over the last four years, but they had existed previously too. Again the WLS just caused them to come more to the forefront.

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When I met my husband in 2007, I was smaller still overweight but smaller. I worked out with a trainer and was very active. He was about 270 and he is 6ft tall. I like chubby boys too :-). Well he proposed and got serious and dropped about 40lbs he is very muscular so at 230 he looked amazing. I have gained weight throughout the years. He went to NUT with me and worked out with me. He saw my struggle and understood my decision for surgery. He even did preop horrible diet with me for 2weeks! So here I am needing revision surgery for health related reasons and he is still my biggest cheerleader. We have spoken about this subject. I can't imagine us ever leaving one another. He wants me to be healthy and happy. Plus he knows when I feel better about myself I am friskier!

I do believe that with weight loss comes confidence. If there are issues pre surgery they are even become more evident post surgery. The decision to have surgery is so emotional, a strong support system is key. If people are not supportive I think it is important to purge them.

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I was very lucky, after a bad 10yr marriage I met my wife, I tried to push her away since I wanted to continue to be single but she was persistent and beautiful, South African, blonde, blue eyes, size 6 etc., she loved me as is, I was 350 when we met, I got up to 388, last 3 years, my surgery was on June 10th and I am now at 322, she has been my biggest advocate and even panicked on the day of surgery and cried never once since we met telling me that needed to lose weight except after the loss of my friend, telling me that they needed me to be around a long time, I'm the luckiest man in the world, I have o plans to be single especially after having my RN over for dinner and her telling my wife "what if he decides he wants to have girlfriends and be single?" She told her she would kill me, I think they they were joking..........except the killing part!! Lol

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My now ex husband and I both had surgery 6months apart. He had his first. We divorced about a year later because we realized as smaller people we did not have the same common interests and while he was loosing weight because he had his surgery before mine he met a woman who did share those things with. It was a tough situation but overall for the best.

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You guys will get a kick out of this story: I met this guy about 5 years ago, we started off as friends which turned to friends with benefits, while all this was going on..he kept telling me we were just friends....well we did EVERYTHING together including 1.5 yrs later moving in with each other but it only lasted about a year when problems arose with his adult kids (that's another story) but I moved out...we didn't talk to each other for about 6 months I actually was so mad at him for the way things went down, but anyway.. from what I heard, he was miserable after I left but didn't hesitate to have sex with every female he could find, including with the 2 most hated women in my life.

We started talking again, and became "weekend" friends with benefits AGAIN, eventually I was asked to move back in...I hesitated but since I fell so head over heals for him the first time..I couldn't let go. Little did I know, when I moved in..the sex stopped...no kissing, no hugging...nada...so I asked him...um..whats up? He said living together is one thing...he didn't want things to get complicated by having sex since we are just friends. I was like in shock..now that I had given up my apartment to come to this?..I told him, had I known you were going to do this..I wouldn't have moved in...no response from that.

Anyway...I let it go..but we have been living together now a little over 2 years...we do EVERYTHING together, we sleep in the same bed..we go to family outings (both sides) together..he goes to the store and actually thinks of me...he buys me some of my favorite goodies I like....we actually have a friendship that is 100% similar to a marriage, everyone we know...introduces us as boyfriend & girlfriend and he doesn't correct them. .but yet to him..we are just best friends.

He is so supportive of my surgery....and knows that I am so excited about this...being thinner and healthier that I am afraid that when I do lose weight he might start getting closer to me..would I like that? sure since I love him so much..but why wont he admit that we actually have a relationship? Was it my weight preventing him from announcing to everyone he was in a relationship with a fat girl?...is he just a commitment phobe? Or will this be my chance to actually find someone else...who knows.

Kinda weird huh? would love to hear your thoughts on that icky situation!! :blink:

@@Eclectick I went through a very similar situation, only we never gave up sex during any of it, which I think made it worse. Shortly after I had my first consultation with my weight loss surgeon, I found a book called "Oola:Find Balance in an Unbalanced World." It's all about the 7 F's of Oola: Family, Faith, Friends, Field, Fitness, Finance, and Fun. When I was reading the part about Friends (and kind of Family since I considered him Family), it talks about what a real friend does, and how a real friend makes you feel. I can only speak for my case, but in my case, I let him go. For me, the thing that made me realize that it was a toxic relationship was when he said he was going to buy me the Princess Leia slave costume after my surgery. I had been thinking all these different things up until that point about him being a good friend vs. bad friend, and that comment released 3 years of emotions.

It's not fair to you for him to not want to make anything official, no matter the weight. And if that's not the case, then what he's doing to you just isn't fair to you mentally. You deserve the best of the best, no matter what your weight is.

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I'm scheduled for my sleeve on August 4th at 1pm! I'm definitely excited! I'm looking forward to so many things but sadly I'm a little bummed I'm gonna miss out on all the holiday foods that I love!! Anyone else feel my pain? lol I also wanted to know if anyone chewed gum during their pre-op liquid only period?

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belive it mine after 14 years had multiple affairs since plastics i didn't find out about till recently and we did our journey together. The thing you never prepare yourself for is the attention you start receiving from other people. You can tell yourself i know they only do that for the way you look after you lose the weight but it can change a person. i'm not saying everyone will do this and i know some will say if their were problems before but we would always say the same thing we couldn't understyand how somone could do that. But here i am asking myself as i have always said if i ever feel that strongly to cheat then the relationship is over and i never cheated once.


I

Edited by Nate74

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I actually posted this on another forum but this is something seem to be experiencing.

After receiving a lap-band a little more than 2 years ago, I have lost about 120 lbs. but, unfortunately, the weight loss is starting to put a strain on my relationship. Specifically, my husband of more almost 11 years thinks I am too skinny (going from 357 - 240 lbs. at 6’ 2”). When we met, I was 300 lbs. I ballooned up to 357, of course had health issues due to weight, got the lap-band, and successfully lost weight and am now down to a healthy weight.

However, my husband no longer finds me physically attractive though he still loves me. I certainly still love him and we continue to enjoy each other’s company but we rarely have sex (maybe once a quarter if I'm lucky). He wants me to gain back up to 300 lbs.

I try to put myself in his shoes and think would I act the same way if he gained 120 lbs. (going tom 170 - 290 lbs.). I think I would still find him hot but it’s a hypothetical situation.

Has anyone else been in this situation before and, if so, what did you do? How did you work out your problems and come to a solution that worked for both of you.

Edited by ngon251978

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My relationship with my wife is actually very strong, she has stood by me, and been supportive, we met 8yrs ago and I was 350lbs, I got up to 388lbs last December and after my surgery on June 10th this year I am at 294lbs, I workout a lot and people notice very quickly, now she is a little insecure about her weight, she was a size 7-8 when we met and after she had my twin boys she got up to almost 200lbs, now she hovers at 165-170lbs and says she feels bad I'll be at my goal weight of 190-198lbs by February-March 2016, now she wants to shed her lbs bad, I love her no matter what, it does bother me that I have had women flirt with me a lot lately, I went to work yesterday to finish my paperwork for end of year, and one or the nurses started to flirt and asked me what unit I worked on since she was new and she said she would visit me next time, flood of feelings, flattered, little angry and confused, but I can always and will always walk away cause my wife is hot and I don't forget that..........

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Jesus Christ!

Would you actually consider gaining all that weight back?

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VSGann : more importantly is the severe underlying issue of what if it were breast cancer???

How would he react?

That's not reversible in any way, so if if stricken with some horrible debilitating illness does one forget "For better or for worse" ? I believe in the AAA OF MARRIAGE

1 acceptance

2 admiration

3 adoration

No matter what happens to my wife I'm always gonna be there

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