I am wondering how do we treat others that are overweight when we are overweight vs how we treat people when we lose weight. I see a lot of people who become Conceded and not Confident....Do you notice once people lose weight that they treat other obese or overweight people different? sometimes in a good way or sometimes in a bad way?

I am wondering how do we treat others that are overweight when we are overweight vs how we treat people when we lose weight. I see a lot of people who become Conceded and not Confident....Do you notice once people lose weight that they treat other obese or overweight people different? sometimes in a good way or sometimes in a bad way?

Having been obese my entire life until now, I try to extend myself to others who are obese. I think I am more compassionate now. I don't talk about WLS surgery or advocate it because that is a personal decision that people have to make for themselves but I absolutely try to be more considerate now.

I do find that some overweight people are a bit more cynical towards me now. Before I was regarded as kindred now I am seen as just another 'normal' person who had no idea what being heavy is like. Hence, my desire to be more empathetic.

This isn't something I've encountered yet since I'm only 5 weeks post-op, but it's something I have thought about. I've been relatively quiet about my surgery (only a few very close friends know), and as far as most people know, I'm just watching what I eat (pretty strictly) and exercising. But I've wondered what I'll say when a fat friend or acquaintance asks me. I feel like in that case, maybe I should be more honest. But it's a risk. On the one hand, he or she may say, "Well, that's cheating" and lose respect for me. Fine, I suppose, since anyone I really care about already knows; but I would be concerned about them telling other people. On the other hand, what if knowing I had surgery is a huge moment for them and leads them to do the same and really change their life? I just don't know.

I feel sad when I see obese people because it makes me remember the struggle. I don't think I treat them any differently but I do notice it more and feel sympathetic towards them.

I'll admit that while I don't think I treat anyone any differently, when I see someone who is obese and especially obese and obviously unhealthy (difficulty walking, breathing heavy) I do feel relief....when I was in that position it was all I thought about...my size, the amount of space I took. I still have a ways to go...but my self esteem, my thoughts, my attitude have done a 180.

I am relieved that I am no longer where I think they may be

I'm down to 187. My highest weight was 335. When I see someone who is very big or larger than I was, I tend to feel empathy toward them. I also can't stop thinking about myself at that weight. All the baggage I carried around, and how much I hated being in public. I try not to do the things to heavy people that bothered me. ie: people didn't like to stand near me in a line, they would avoid the aisle I was in because they didn't want to squeeze by me, not many people smiled at me or made small talk. etc.

Those types of things have ceased now that I'm down to a more "normal" weight. The world is a lot friendlier, and I try to extend that to people that give me these flashbacks. I have noticed more heavy people being more cynical toward my friendliness recently though (as someone else mentioned). It will not deter me. I just hope they can one day find answers as I did.

This isn't something I've encountered yet since I'm only 5 weeks post-op, but it's something I have thought about. I've been relatively quiet about my surgery (only a few very close friends know), and as far as most people know, I'm just watching what I eat (pretty strictly) and exercising. But I've wondered what I'll say when a fat friend or acquaintance asks me. I feel like in that case, maybe I should be more honest. But it's a risk. On the one hand, he or she may say, "Well, that's cheating" and lose respect for me. Fine, I suppose, since anyone I really care about already knows; but I would be concerned about them telling other people. On the other hand, what if knowing I had surgery is a huge moment for them and leads them to do the same and really change their life? I just don't know.

If you think that your honest story of weight loss will help a heavier friend, then I think you should tell them! I have been an open book about my surgery. I even told all 5 football coaches of my sons team that I was having the surgery. Because of my openness, I've had 3 people tell me that I personally have inspired them to do something about their weight. 2 of the 3 are in the beginning process of weight loss surgery.

I feel like our stories are a duty to share to someone who may gain from it. I didn't consider the surgery after my mom had it, but after meeting 2 women that had the surgery I began to consider WLS as a viable option. I don't know if I would have considered it if I hadn't met those women. I wish I could go back and thank those ladies (I met both randomly as strangers who struck up conversations with me) for telling me their stories.

I try not to treat anyone different but I catch my self staring at an obese person thinking how do she/he feel. I too feel sorry for them and I don't really know why because that person may be HAPPY.

Well I see over weight people all the time, even though I live in SoCal, theres still an obesity epidemic. I usually dont feel sorry for people that are overweight, because I still have low self esteem I just wounder "hmmm how is it that that person who is shaped like me (apple), or who looks like they weighed the same or more than me is so comfortable with themselves, how do they have that confidence that I never had and still dont have to be with that person or even to wear those type of clothing. My mother on the other hand said she is now struggling with, embarrassed to say, being turned off by overweight people.

@@jdmama911 I'm just not comfortable being "out" about it here. I live in Europe and obesity is much less of a problem, and weight loss surgery even less discussed than it is in the US, especially among younger people. The only people I know who have sought help with their weight, through surgery or otherwise, are all over forty, so not really in my demographic. Thus, like I said, I'm afraid if I said anything to one of the overweight people I see regularly (say at university), the whole thing would seem so foreign to them that their first reaction wouldn't be good. Of course I know they need to have that first reaction some time, but I really don't want people in the department talking about me. I'm afraid if people think it makes me lazy or a cheater, it could hurt my chances at support for PhD funding down the line. I mean, no one would ever openly say or do that, but we all know how subtle and even unconscious fat-phobia and discrimination can be.