Ex-Friend Keeps Writing Negatively About Me on Different Blogs and Web Sites

[jatherley 126]

Oh Sweetie, you do not need her in your life. Let her live her life as she sees fit. Don't read her blogs or allow mutual friends to discuss her. You worry about you and what you need to do for you.

[Bostonie 4]

Im sure some people in my life disagree with what I did and talk behind my back... I cant imagine them having a blog like this.

Im so sorry. I cant imagine that someone would write this about a friend. We decided to take charge and be healthier, not because of "fat hate". She is ridiculous. You are lucky to be away from her!

[terrydumont46 1,954]

this thing about excepting fatness is a complete lie.. a fat person can never except and feel good about being fat. she isn't willing to change but except who she is wahoo for her. but you have decided to do something about it. that just is making her mad. it would be the same if your drinking buddy decided to stop drinking or druggie friend decided to stop doing drugs. years ago I did drugs and to stay clean I had to stop seeing those that still did drugs, one of them was my best friend. you are doing the healthy thing. you don't need a friend like her. if she slanders you in anyway she is breaking the law. but she is allowed her opinion and you are allowed to have yours. since she isn't the type to except yours than good riddance, she won't be helpful during your journey and you need support from true friends. good luck.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Lol...there is nothing healthy abt weighing over 300 pounds.....she has just given up and is making excuses to justify her unwillness to do something about her weight. She is eating more than just Vegan believe that.

potato chips and pepsi are vegan. so is Pasta, bread, rice, french fries and all kinds of high calorie crap. i have a friend who is very obese and vegan. she eats lots and lots of crap. she cooks these huge dinners for her family with 2-3 main dishes, 2-3 side dishes and 1-3 Desserts. she claims she is healthy and happy and PCOS is the only reason she is fat. i am like, honey, you are fat cause of all the food you eat and you have PCOS cause you are fat. but she is another one into fat acceptance (which is not a bad thing in and of itself, but should not be a reason for refusing to get healthy), and says she is fine with weighing 300 pounds. its sad really.

[greensleeve 457]

She sounds like she hasn't recovered from her eating disorder. She just changed it from eating too little to eating too much. Mentally she is very unstable, it's obvious in her posts.

Just ignore her, I'm sure eventually she will find someone else to be enraged by. She seems like a very judgemental person.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Out with the old and in with the new!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dat right I said it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bakawaka 108]

I suggest moving on from this person. As someone who had weight loss surgery, I have no regrets. Relationships change. Self-empowerment always causes people to move away - but you will meet many new people. I wish you the greatest of success.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

My ex-friend keeps writing negatively about me on different blogs and web sites because she disagrees with my decision to get weight loss surgery. She made a decision recently to end our friendship when she found out I was getting this surgery. I don't know what my surgery has to do with her. It's my body, not hers. Why does she keep writing about me? I don't understand. Here are the things she's written about me (that I know of): http://fiercefatties.com/2014/06/10/choosing-self-preservation-and-kindness-over-friends/ Choosing Self-Preservation and Kindness Over Friends I’m fairly picky about my friends, it’s true. I hold my friends to a high standard and any bigotry must go. I’ve ended friendships over sexism, racism, ableism, homophobia/biphobia/transphobia, and, yes, fatphobia. The thing is, most people understand perfectly when you end a friendship because your friend ends up being a racist or a homophobe, but they get all undie-bunched when it comes to choosing friends who are not fatphobic, like this sort of bigotry should be accepted and tolerated with kindness. Which yes, some people can and do, and that’s perfectly fine. Change people from the inside. You go! The thing is, though, you’re also allowed to not have that negativity in your life. For many of us fatties, having fatphobes around constantly bombarding us with body hate, either internalized or directed at us, is extraordinarily triggering. Many of us have experience with eating disorders, many more with disordered eating, and almost all of us, at some point, have hated our bodies. Being around the negativity of weight bigotry can put us in a very bad and very dark place. But, say the haters, you should just deal with it because body hate is perfectly acceptable in our society. Now, I do understand that someone with fat hate issues can’t necessarily be blamed. In a culture that constantly demonizes fat and fat people, how can you really not have fat hate issues unless you’be become Enlightened through education and understanding? It’s tough, and internalized fat hate is society’s fault especially more than the person’s. But that doesn’t mean I have to put myself around it. And this is where the self-preservation and kindness part comes in. I have the right to look after my mental and physical well-being. I have the right to say that enough is enough and that I need positive body influences in my life. You have that exact same right and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Recently, I ended a friendship because this friend decided to get weight loss surgery. She was involved in the Fat Acceptance movement, so it was a double blow and a personal betrayal. I decided that it would be very bad for my health (mental and physical) to watch someone I care about go through that all because of severe internalized fat hate. As someone with a 10-year history of having an eating disorder, I could not watch someone choose what amounts to a medically-induced eating disorder (and, in fact, medical anorexia can be an official side effect of these surgeries). I blogged about this on my personal blog and got bombarded with pro-WLS people calling me sexist slurs, threatening me, and calling me a horrible person/friend, all because I decided to look out for myself. If there’s one thing that I want you to take away from this blog post, it’s that no friendship is worth your mental or physical health. No relationship is worth your health. Period. Now, personally, my friend was completely oblivious to how her actions could effect me at all. I chalk this up to pure self-centeredness, but I have the feeling the rest of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Others’ actions have consequences. They do affect friends, family, and lovers. Your decisions are not made in a vacuum and the consequences of those decisions don’t exist in a vacuum. Your body hate poisons other people. So, be careful who your friends are. If you are the type of person who can stay friends with bigots and try to change them, then more power to you. We need people to change the world from the inside. But if you aren’t, that’s perfectly acceptable too. Never, ever feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You’re totally worth taking care of. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.reddit.com/r/BodyAcceptance/comments/27ski4/choosing_selfpreservation_and_kindness_over/ Too much to copy/paste here ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://fatgirlposing.blogspot.com/2014/05/casualties.html Casualties My heart is heavy today and has been since Saturday when my best friend dropped the bomb that she's getting weight loss surgery. The betrayal, hurt, and anger that I've felt since then is mind boggling. Since becoming involved with fat acceptance I've cut body negative people out of my life. I've surrounded myself with people who are positive and work hard for a wide variety of human and animal rights issues. In other words, good people. Positive people. People who make a difference in the world. So my world was rocked when my best friend, after hiding it from me for months, told me that she was getting cosmetic surgery to become thinner. My friend is the captain of her own underpants and she can get cosmetic surgery if she wants to, of course, but I'm captain of my own underpants as well and I have the right to cut out people who compromise my mental or physical well being. Having gone through a decade long eating disorder where I was constantly praised for starving myself, over exercising, and abusing diet pills, I can't watch someone I care about put themselves through a medically induced eating disorder. I look forward to the day when weight loss surgery is banned as medically unnecessary, dangerous, and bigoted. Weight loss cosmetic surgery represents the extremes that our society will go to to eradicate fat people. For all of the horror that a person feels when they see a very thin person with an ED, it doesn't seem to hold true for fat people with ED's. While I have a lot of personal experience with that, this experience seems to hit closer to home Perhaps because my friend was involved in the fat acceptance community. I thought better of her. Not brainwashed by society's standards. Internalized fatphobia is a horrible thing. The bottom line is that we applaud fat people for doing dangerous, irresponsible, unethical, things that put our lives on the line in the name of thinness. But how would the world react if the opposite were true? If thin people literally risked their lives to become fat because they thought it looked prettier? I have a feeling I know the answer. So, I suppose I've finally experienced a personal casualty in the War On Fat. During my own struggles I came close to losing my life, but this somehow feels so much worse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is what she emailed me: ten reasons why you're perfect the way you are and you don't need cosmetic surgery. 1. you're beautiful the way you are: cosmetic surgery can change how you look,but it doesn't change who you are. 2. cosmetic surgery won't fix your self esteem: too many people have thought that it would, but losing weight and looking different won't automatically make you feel better about yourself. you need to do that from the inside and you can do that at any weight. 3. you can be healthy at any size- you have to change your behaviors, not your appearance. currently you don't eat well or exercise and if you lose weight but still don't change those behaviors then you're still going to have issues. Remember that studies show that health problems initially go away during weight loss but very often return because weight does not equal health. 4. this particular type of cosmetic surgery is dangerous. The sleeve is less dangerous than some other methods, but they're all dangerous. There's a laundry list of side effects that i'm sure you've seen, including death. is it really worth it just to look more socially acceptable? 5. you're making a statement: when a fat person decides that being thin is better than being fat and actively tries to change their bodies it makes a statement about all fat people and it makes a social statement. and that is that being thin is better than being fat. 6. people already love you just the way you are: this needs little explanation.. people already care about you, you have no problem finding dates or hook ups. your life isn't hindered by anything except your lack of confidence which won't be fixed by cosmetic surgery. 7. body hate poisons you: work on loving yourself instead of blaming your body 8. your body works hard for you- why abuse it? I apologized to my body a long time ago for the eating disorder I put it through, for the self injury I put it through, for the abuse I put it through. No body should be treated that way. you're willing to mutilate your lovely body and put it through a medically induced eating disorder. why do you feel it deserves that kind of hatred and abuse? 9. it's fatphobic: you know enough about fat acceptance and body politics for me not to need to go into too much detail here. It's related to number 5- you're becoming part of a society that favors thin people over fat people and giving it your seal of approval. that society is not only fatphobic but misogynistic and classist as well. You're choosing to stop fighting against that and to give into it instead. 10. You'll be losing a friend: Because I find WLS to be completely unethical and because I struggled with my own eating disorder for ten years, I can't watch someone purposefully do that to themselves. The body hate, the negativity, and the triggers are just too much for me. Maybe that's not even close to enough to keep you from doing this surgery, but at least I can say I tried. You know that body hate and intentional weight loss go against everything that I stand for. I can't just sit by and watch it happen to someone I care about. I can't do it and I won't. So, while it's your body and your choice, realize that that choice comes with consequences. I'm also allowed to make my own choices for my own mental well being. Literally every time I talked to your or hung out with you it would be heartbreaking and triggering. Friendships shouldn't be a negative experience which is why I would have to end this one.

Sorry to hear all this. Time to have a lawyer write her a letter. She needs to stop It is her problem not yours.

[Travelmego 235]

I was thinking cease and desist letter too but does she really have a legal leg to stand on? I am not sure the 'friend' actually named her did she? Can give it a shot anyway - might shut her up.

[leeann71 539]

Wow with friends like her you sure don't need enemies! Real friends would never drag your problem out in to the public eye for starters. A real friend will stick by you thick and thin no matter what any situation is. They are there when you fall and when you are on top of the world. I myself accepted being fat along time ago, but I chose to have surgery a year and half ago because I wNted to live a long life . Most of all of us , if not had surgery or lost weight some how with out regaining would probably die from some obesity realated problem. The thing is we do love ourselves! We love ourselves enough to continue living. Your friend will grow up oneday and realize what you did was the best thing for you and no matter how she feels in say 10 to 20 years from now you are the one who will be healthy and loving life. She will probably still be 300 plus pounds and still vegan and no where near as happy and healthy as you will be. Good luck you made the right choice for you!

[microdot 28]

No one who was ever your true friend, would do what she has done. Real friends support each other, even if they don't agree with their choices. You will be changing, and she won't. She can hold onto her "fat acceptance" crap as a crutch, and you go and do what you need to do for yourself. Stop reading her blogs/posts! I'm sorry for the hurt she has caused you, but you have already outgrown her.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I find it interesting that she stated " Never, ever feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You're totally worth taking care of. " Yes, yes YOU are ! Good for you for taking steps to get healthy. She has only taken steps to get attention towards herself. " Fat acceptance " my A $$ !!! Many , many years ago ( before blogs and Facebook , thank goodness )I had a "friend" who was maybe only 20-25 lbs overweight, I was slim and healthy 125 lbs at the time. Instead of doing something about her weight,or accepting it,she chose to constantly try to belittle me and say negative things about my body, life, clothes, you name it. She was very insecure about herself and terrified that someone (a man) might find me more interesting /attractive than her ! Sad. If she had liked her self, she would of found out she was quite attractive on her own. Sounds like her and someone you know are related ! I hope you have great success with your wls !

[Writerjennifer 107]

I read some of her testicles double standard ranting... And I only have one word for it. Disgusting.

How dare she act like you are hateful for taking care of yourself, cutting of, so to speak, a lot of pounds of useless weight... Oh wait she did that for you when she cut herself from your life. I would send her one and only one more correspondence... Use your name and you will sue her for defamation.

Let her go, as they say, goodbye to bad rubbish. she's on her high horse, so either she has drunk the fat acceptance koolaid, or she its so jealous she can't see straight. remember... Living well is the best revenge. Good luck

Edited June 12, 2014 by Writerjennifer

[jenniferx25 10]

If she was a true friend she would support you no matter what. And if she's overweight she could even go through this journey with you. She is not your friend. And you need to stay away and do what you think is best for you. If you want to get healthy go for it!

[jenniferx25 10]

And also, this is why I won't tell anyone about my surgery because I know I will get negativity and people hating. The only person I told was my husband and he doesn't even want me to do it. I've been trying to talk to about it and he doesn't wanna hear it, I'm doing this to be healthy and I also have a daughter that I wanna be there for when she's older. Thanks