A couple of weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and I saw a really large man walking down the street. Because of his size and the near 100 degree temperature, I knew he had to be extremely uncomfortable. As I pulled into my parking place I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched this man trip with a force that propelled him like a rocket to the concrete. I bolted from my car and ran to him...his arm was already bloody.

"Let me help you up". He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen.

With a perfect Texas drawl he said "Little lady you're gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!" My heart was breaking for him. I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked....1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had. No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn't get him off the ground. He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise. I asked him to stay put and I'd get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help. By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up. He was hurt....I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him. He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn't). As he walked out of my sight he said "It's time to go on that diet".

Of course I knew he'd been on hundreds of diets, just like I had. It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn't. I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation.

Maybe he didn't have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size. Maybe he couldn't afford to call for an ambulance. So many "maybes". Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again. He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out. I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn't see him as just a morbidly obese man....that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him "less than".

I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with. Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day. Call me silly for wanting to do this but I'm going back to try to find him. I want him to know why I didn't judge him that day.

And why I cried.

p.s. I just added this because I do want everyone to know that I would NEVER give anyone unsolicited advice because I have seen it happen and someone got the response "I've already had WLS". Much like asking a woman if she's pregnant....not until I see the crowning of the baby's head would I ever ask when someone's baby is due. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that.

*Note- I wrote this in 2011 and reread it the other day. I decided to share it here because the comments left on this blog post were so memorable and heartfelt. If you'd like to read them you can see them here.

I've been back to that same parking spot every month basically at the same time of the day ever since that day. I have unfortunately never found him again. If I ever do, I hope he'll let me take a picture with him so you can see his beautiful blue eyes and the kindest face you could ever imagine.

pink dahlia - Who are we to judge though hey? People eat for different reasons - many overeat because they have been sexually abused as a child (studies show there is a strong link), hypothyroidism, he could have been placed on psych drugs (drugs such as seroquel make a person crave carbohydrates), these drugs also cause a condition called metabolic disorder (nearly puts the metabolism to a stand still). IF I looked at my sister in law from an outsiders point of view, I would think, wow, she must eat a lot - but in fact she has hypothyroidism. He could be in his wheelchair because of conditions like MS, he may have had an accident when he was younger damaging his spine; I have a friend who uses a wheelchair because she has Crohn's disorder and gets tired. We aren't in a position to judge.

I don't think pink dahlia meant to be judgmental...really more of making a point of how many times we see things where we wish we could share with people all the things that saved our own lives. One point in particular that you brought up that is very important and that's how many people in our community have been sexually or mentally abused. I think it is far more common than most think. That's exactly why we need so much support to heal those psychological wounds and some of them are passed down through dysfunctional families generation after generation. I actually decided to have my tubes tied at 31 because I wanted to stop the insanity that I believed was being passed on. When I see someone who is obese my heart breaks because I know that deep down inside there is a person who wants to escape that outside shell and they feel like most people won't give them a chance and unfortunately that's pretty much true.

I can so relate, a few months ago, a large lady feel here at work outside, and she was not able to get up and we could not touch her, (liability stuff) the fire department is right behind where I work, they were here in minutes and then they called 2 more trucks. so total 6 people,to help her sit up, she was not so much hurt but embarrassed.. I was inside the office, I started crying, and my co-worker was what's wrong with you? I'm trying to explain to her, I understand and feel her pain, the embarrassment. She said you were never "that big". I 'was that's not the point, but I could tell she just didn't understand. Unless you've been in that position, you will never know what it feels like.

I can so relate, a few months ago, a large lady feel here at work outside, and she was not able to get up and we could not touch her, (liability stuff) the fire department is right behind where I work, they were here in minutes and then they called 2 more trucks. so total 6 people,to help her sit up, she was not so much hurt but embarrassed.. I was inside the office, I started crying, and my co-worker was what's wrong with you? I'm trying to explain to her, I understand and feel her pain, the embarrassment. She said you were never "that big". I 'was that's not the point, but I could tell she just didn't understand. Unless you've been in that position, you will never know what it feels like.

I just bawled my head off reading this.....You just want to crawl in a corner and die....doesn't matter what your co-worker said. It was you who felt this woman's pain and it was you who knew what she was feeling and it was you who cried for her....

One change at a time.....One changed feeling at a time....

Your right you know...A lot of people are exactly what the scarecrow said in the wizard of Oz:

Scarecrow: "...some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?"

I can so relate, a few months ago, a large lady feel here at work outside, and she was not able to get up and we could not touch her, (liability stuff) the fire department is right behind where I work, they were here in minutes and then they called 2 more trucks. so total 6 people,to help her sit up, she was not so much hurt but embarrassed.. I was inside the office, I started crying, and my co-worker was what's wrong with you? I'm trying to explain to her, I understand and feel her pain, the embarrassment. She said you were never "that big". I 'was that's not the point, but I could tell she just didn't understand. Unless you've been in that position, you will never know what it feels like.

What a beautiful story. And while I understand the liability stuff I would probably have had to get other employees to sit on me to not try to help. I mean I understand there are rules....I just tend to throw them out the window when someone is in distress. I'm grateful the fire department was so close.

I didn't fall but my moment that was like that was when my mom died. She had been dying of cancer for a year and even though I was huge I got bigger that year because I gave up. For so long I had isolated and only went to work and one store and the morning of the funeral I realized that I would have to face tons of people who hadn't seen me in years. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I could see the looks on their faces....poor Yvonne...she was so pretty in college...look how she has let herself go. (I managed a couple of years in college to be anorexic but could never get it back) I couldn't have been more embarrassed and ashamed at the same time. On top of that I lost my mom and wanted to die.

Your heart is so big and it was wonderful that you felt for that woman. Thank you for sharing.

I can so relate, a few months ago, a large lady feel here at work outside, and she was not able to get up and we could not touch her, (liability stuff) the fire department is right behind where I work, they were here in minutes and then they called 2 more trucks. so total 6 people,to help her sit up, she was not so much hurt but embarrassed.. I was inside the office, I started crying, and my co-worker was what's wrong with you? I'm trying to explain to her, I understand and feel her pain, the embarrassment. She said you were never "that big". I 'was that's not the point, but I could tell she just didn't understand. Unless you've been in that position, you will never know what it feels like.

I just bawled my head off reading this.....You just want to crawl in a corner and die....doesn't matter what your co-worker said. It was you who felt this woman's pain and it was you who knew what she was feeling and it was you who cried for her....

One change at a time.....One changed feeling at a time....

Your right you know...A lot of people are exactly what the scarecrow said in the wizard of Oz:

Scarecrow: "...some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?"

Excellent comment!!!