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Anyone else doing well with weight loss but scared to death you'll screw it all up



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So my doctor and everyone else who knows is telling me how great I am doing. I have lost 88 lbs in five months, and I feel great. However... I would be lying if I didn't say that I am scared to death right now. I have lost over 80 pounds twice in my life and it didn't stick. Logically, I know that in those cases, I didn't have to tool of WLS on my side and it never came off this fast. I also know that in the past I was nowhere near as good about what I was putting in my body as I am now. Despite the best efforts of my rational mind, I am scared of screwing this up. Like anyone else I make little mistakes here in there, occasionally allowing myself a very small treat that is not on my ideal food list. The fear also sets in everytime I have a long day at work and I don't make it to the gym because I am exhausted. This time around success means more to me as I want to make sure I am around to watch my 15 month old son grow up. Leaving this life early is no longer an option I am willing to accept or talk myself into. Not sure what it says about me that I am fighting this hard for this, but am still scared to death I might screw it all up. I appreciate any thoughts or insights you guys may have,

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One thing I find that is helpful for my mind is to really live this WLS in the present moment. When I would do the "traditional" diets, I was always about weight loss x time = goal weight. You know, "if I lose 2 lbs a week, I'll hit my goal in a year!!!!"

I don't do this at all, thanks to my lapband. It really keeps my mind in the here and now, the day to day.

Maybe because it's always there? I'm not sure how this tool altered my old way of thinking, but it did. Not hitting the gym on one day (or several) no longer makes me want to go off the wagon (because I can't anyway, with my wonderful band), but also because with WLS you have an auto-reset each second of the day. With traditional diets, you don't....the reset is up to you. Which relies entirely on will-power alone, which, for me, was not easily summoned up.

You are early out, but my sense is with your continued success, you'll also be able to release some of these old fears that you won't be able to do this or maintain this. Those fears were legitimate, because it is true that very few people lose lots of weight and keep it off when using a non-surgical method. But it's a whole new empowering ballgame when you bow down to WLS.

My advice is live this fully in the moment, renew it every 24 hours, and you'll be able to let go of those fears for the future. What you are doing now, with your WLS, is doable and sustainable. Keep it up!~

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You are setting yourself up with all these negative thoughts. You did this to seee your son-so the only option is continuing success. If you can't get to the gym, can you do a family walk right when you get home? Even a 20 min walk is better than nothing. The exercise is really helping me. I am trying to walk every other day-its tough, but I make it work. Just think about all the tools you have now that you didn't before. Do some positive visualization imagine you and your son 5 yrs from now in the park throwing balls and playing chase and doing active lifestyle things together-riding bikes. Find a way to meld in the exercise and bond with your son. You have to see it in your mind and then make it happen. You have the tools now, just have to continue the good eating habits and make exercise a part of your routine which it sounds . like you are.already doing! Don't worry, keep your focus and don't sabotage yourself-you can do it!!

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So my doctor and everyone else who knows is telling me how great I am doing. I have lost 88 lbs in five months, and I feel great. However... I would be lying if I didn't say that I am scared to death right now. I have lost over 80 pounds twice in my life and it didn't stick. Logically, I know that in those cases, I didn't have to tool of WLS on my side and it never came off this fast. I also know that in the past I was nowhere near as good about what I was putting in my body as I am now. Despite the best efforts of my rational mind, I am scared of screwing this up. Like anyone else I make little mistakes here in there, occasionally allowing myself a very small treat that is not on my ideal food list. The fear also sets in everytime I have a long day at work and I don't make it to the gym because I am exhausted. This time around success means more to me as I want to make sure I am around to watch my 15 month old son grow up. Leaving this life early is no longer an option I am willing to accept or talk myself into. Not sure what it says about me that I am fighting this hard for this, but am still scared to death I might screw it all up. I appreciate any thoughts or insights you guys may have,

that was and is me at times still.

use the (fear you have for past failures to reoccur) to make you even stronger NOW....you know what to do to lose weight (eat better/exercise) and now you have a great aid to assist you....it is there to help.....i got wls because i found out i was going to be a grandmother...i wanted to merely WALK her around the block in her stroller....i couldnt.....i can NOW.....and i use that energy to push me to continue going forward...the past is past and never to return..the ONLY way you will screw it up is by stop believing in yourself..and that won't happen.. be strong my friend...you are stronger than you know hon.

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Every warrior knows that fear comes with war. You need enough to keep you sharp but not so much that you run away. You got guns. You got training. Never give up...win.

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I completely understand this fear. Prior to my band, I had my best results with Weight Watchers about 11 years ago when I lost 92 lbs. Then, I gained it all back plus some...I had many excuses and a couple of valid reasons, but it came back just the same.

I've been talking to my counselor about my quirks and anxiety during this journey. I've lost a lot of weight very quickly, much faster than I expected and it's taken a toll on my nerves really. I don't like the attention it is creating and I have this very big fear of totally screwing up. As I approached the 95lb lost mark, those fears just kept getting stronger and kept getting in my way. My counselor and I talked them through, and then I got past that spot in the road. I still take a deep breath each time I get on the scale. I'm trying hard not to let the scales determine my success, but I know the first time I see a significant jump I'm going to be bummed.

But, I have the tools and the skills to get things under control when needed. I know how to make the right choices and I know exercise is the key. I can't let my nerves and my fears stop me along this journey. I've gained so much of my life back in the last 6 months. I refuse...REFUSE...to give it up again.

Good luck to you! Keep up your hard work :)

Edited by SillyAuntDi

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I feel this way all the time, cause of all the times I tried to lose weight and it failed, I am just starting my journey, and I read a post from someone on here called super dieters. If you find it you should read it. After reading that I have decided that I am not going to allow myself to cheat or have bad food. Now I can say that now, and after a year or whatever it takes to get to where I want to be I could change my mind, but i think that as long as I put forth the effort to stay away from the junk I used to eat, I should be ok. I am going to stock my fridge with fresh fruit and cut up vegetables and always have some with me so that I can try to stay healthy, cause as you say your not being here for your 15 month old is incentive enough for you, I also have 2 kids a 9 and 12 year old that depend only on me. I have to be here for them, and they are my world and I will do whatever it takes to be here and show them the right way to live. So good luck in your journey, and I hope the best for you!!!

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During these times I found that thinking of your brain as a 2 year old really helps.

A 2 year old wants what it wants and wants it right now. During this process you have been disciplined, determined, and strong. Your brain naturally wants to go back to feeling good. It wants the junk food as it made it happy. So when the going got rough in the past your brain would put up road blocks and you would crumble.

Think back to your first stall - didn't you doubt yourself and your success? In the past that is when most of us gave up. I am starving myself for nothing I am not even losing weight now. I might as well have that cheeseburger. That was all your brain and you have in to him every time.

Now his trick is getting you to doubt your success at this.

The trick is to learn his tricks. Trust me this is not an easy task to master. At 1.5 years post op I still struggle with my two year old. You can be stronger than the 2 year old!

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A little fear is a good thing. It will keep you vigilant. Over confidence is much more dangerous. Just don't let your fear get out of control. Missing the gym for a day or 3 will not make you gain 88 pounds overnight. You just go back on day 4. For myself I do not want to get over obsessed with the gym or my diet choices. I did that before and when I fell off I would get so distraught that my foundation would collapse. This time I go to the gym to be healthy not to punish myself or work off the chips. It is something I need t do to maintain my success. I also allow myself food diversions such as on holidays but then the next day I start a new slate and refuse to feel guilt. I track every good and bad morsel in MFP. I need a plan for life and living and do not want to think of this as an all or nothing. It is much harder to give up chocolate chip Cookies or a cheeseburger if I think I will never have one again. I just won't have it "right now". My goal is too be "good" 90% of the time, take advantage of the times my willpower is strong and make superior choices. That will overcome the 10% when I am weak or indulgent. I make that 90% really count. It would be easy to let one bad decision lead to another but like the other poster said live in the moment and make the best choice now. The past is the past.

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I think that if my husband hears me say one more time that I am so scared of gaining my weight back he may divorce me...I think when you have come this far in the journey and anywhere is this journey that fear is a good thing to a certain extent.

He is very surprised that I am not the other way panicking that I'm losing too much. I always worried about that. Oh the changes we make as we get older and our mind set changes......

That is only one thing I worry about on a daily basis.....Comes with the territory I think!

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Your fear is legit, but it can be worked through.... As I've stated before, I've always been a great DIETER, but I've never been a great MAINTAINER. Why? I know why..... Because I spent my entire life EITHER ON A DIET OR OFF A DIET..... Of course, I've never had the band before and my doc said that a very understated value of the band is that it helps with maintenance.

With all of the research I have done, I as of yet have not researched a therapist for individual counseling. I do think that is what I will do as I go into maintenance. Counseling and going to Overeaters Anonymous is in my not too distant future.

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Brant, you are doing beautifully -- congratulations! With such a big change, not only on the scale but in the brain -- your whole way of thinking, your priorities, your commitment to your healthy future -- there is that pinch me feeling, pinch me to see if I'm dreaming, am I really 88 pounds down? Have I turned this ship around? Yes! Will you screw it up? No way. You have that beautiful boy there to remind you every day why you want to be healthy -- and you want him to be healthy, too. Try to love and believe in yourself the way you do your boy. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to take each new day and live it. We don't live for food and addiction now, we don't live to escape -- we live to be present in our lives and that is a very happy thing.

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You need to retrain your brain.

With years of weight issues, we all have had negative thoughts about ourselves: 'I'm a failure," "why can't I do this,' etc. (even despite tremendous professional success, etc.). But you need to get out of your own way. People become what they say, as they eventually believe it. Don't dwell on the negative. (Yesterday, I ate something not allowed; but I can't dwell on that. It'll bring down my spirit, which has been quite 'up' of late with my new, sexier, more confident me.

Speak positive thoughts to yourself and when those negative thoughts arise, find a way--somehow--to turn them off.

Re: me/my VSG, I heard/read that some folks regain some weight 2-3 years later. I can't worry about that now, today. Right now I'm moving in a positive direction (meaning losing weight). I'm happier and I will deal with 3 years from now later, though I know I'll never get back to my max weight of 271, nor even over 200. If I get down to 150, regain to 170 or so, I'm good.

Enjoy your success so far; look forward to more and think positive thoughts. When negative thoughts arise, say, "I recognize you...and I'm leaving you behind!" [That also applies to backstabbing friends, naysayers, haters, etc :-)]

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I am a newbie so all I can say to you it 88lbs is amazing!!! Hang in there for YOU and YOUR son!!! Way to go!!!

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