This may sound silly or crazy to some but I am very excited yet very scared about losing weight. I was banded on 1/19/07. I have lost about 28 pounds thus far. I have already experienced alot of firsts such as finally being under 300 pounds (after at least 20 years) and fitting into a size 22 pants after wearing 26/28 and a few 30's for years. One of my ultimate dreams was to get into a pair of Levi's. I did get in a size 24 (the biggest they sell in women's dept.) and they are now baggy. Alot of family, friends and co-workers know I had lap band surgery and have been supportive (although there have been a few negative people). They tell me I am "melting away". I have joined Curves and I think I have lost more in inches than the pounds show. Everyone acts and says it's such a "drastic" change. I don't see "drastic" yet but I appreciate the compliments and feel they are sincere. Do any of you who have already been banded have problems with not seeing all of your weight loss? I have been overweight for so long that it's scary to think about weighing 200 or even a size 20 or 18 but I am beginning to think that is possible. I am scared too because all I have known is 26/28+ for sooo long. I'm already excited when I go in the stores and have more options; especially size options, but yet I feel nervous and alot of pressure from fear of failure. I have not had a fill yet and it's becoming a struggle to lose a pound. I am thinking that it is time for a fill because I am terrified of gaining. But as long as I am losing a pound a week, the doc doesn't want to give a fill. I feel I need a jumpstart. Hope this doesn't sound too crazy and believe it or not, I work in mental health. Just wanted to vent and know if anyone else out there feels the same-excited yet afraid?

Im a little scared. Ive never been a "normal" weight. I dont even remember what size I wore before a size 18 on top and a 22 on the bottom. I think it was a 2T. :faint:JOKING! But really Ive never been normal. Being 6'1 since age 14 Ive never even been a "normal" fatgurl (I said it...FAT). im a little freaked at what my face is gonna look like, because I have no frame of reference. My body is gonna need some work, and I know that for sure but my face is a mystery. I think Im pretty cute at 325 who knows what or who Ill look like at 160. Im also a bit afraid of setting a concrete goal lower than 200lbs but Im curious what a size 8 feels like. However although I have these fears I will not be stopped by them, will get to a size/weight where I feel the most healthy. With that said, I know I have to be mindful of how other people's perception of my weightloss effects me. I think that like you Crishell, I will recieve alot of "you're melting" comments. Im dreading and anticipating them all at once. weird. All in all I really want a life change. i want to feel healthy and enjoy the rest of my youth, which I dont think I am doing to the fullest at this weight. Self esteem is one thing and actual physical limitations are another.

I hope you continue to lose. I know I cant wait to start.

Hi Crishell,

I completely know what you're talking about. I had been over 300 lbs for most of the last 25 years when I was banded three years ago. Getting below that number was earth-shattering, as was wearing sizes that start with a 1. All I can say is that you know yourself better than anyone, and you have to do what feels right to you. This is not a race, you will not let anyone down if you don't meet some external standard.

You can see my stats below. While I've come a very long way, by any objective standard I am still substantially overweight. My BMI at the moment is about 31 (down from 48!!). But I'm totally happy here, and think getting to my "ideal" weight of 170 would be too weird for me. I haven't weighed that little since junior high!

The beauty of the band is that it lets us control the outcome. One of the major reasons I opted against bypass was fear of the major, dramatic weight loss. I've been obese too long to think I could accept such a change happening too fast. Banding has let me control the speed of weight loss, let me take pauses when necessary and get back on the stick when I felt ready. Will I feel ready to lose more than I have? Who knows? For now I'm comfortable and want to spend time on getting in better shape through exercise, and re-concentrating on embracing small portions. But these are not means to a goal of losing more weight, they're for my health and weight maintenance.

Anyway, just wanted to say yes, lots of people have been where you are now. This is a big journey and we all take it differently. Good luck to you!!

I'm feeling the same excitement and fear. I think part of it is that I really don't like drawing attention to myself. The comments - even though they may be positive - are going to bother me. I don't know how to respond. I'm angry at myself for getting to this weight in the first place. I just want the weight to go away quietly and be "normal." Maybe we are too hard on ourselves??

It also both saddens and angers me that people are going to react differently to me in relation to my physical appearance. I feel sort of invisible now, but am thinking that will change as I shrink in size. Or maybe it is me that will change??

We face a level of insecurity in all life transitions. This is a major one that will require lots of soul searching. I love that the band will allow us to take little vacations from our weight loss to allow us to catch up mentally and emotionally with our physical change. I can't imagine how people cope with quick/drastic weight loss.

It will be important to nurture ourselves. This is hard work, but we need to be sure to take moments to Celebrate, relax, and enjoy our new and healthy selves.

My fear is actually that I will not hit my goal. I have been on a plateau for about 2 weeks without a budge. My calorie intake is low so I don't know what is going on. Good luck being banded. I can't wait to hit goal and have my plastic surgery!

Crishell,

Iknow what you mean. I keep looking for things from lapband folks to see if they have had to have plastic surgery. Seems like the gastric bypass folks are worse in that respect. I feel like I haven't lost enough. I lost 30 then able to eat soft foods and seem like I gained. To be fair i just got my monthly and am hoping it is water weight. However, i will start walking today when I get home. I wasn't feeling energetic enough before (coming off liquid diets and going back to work full time) but now i am starting to feel much more alive. Find my self singing a lot. I am afraid but am looking forward to overcoming that fear little by little. Remember , change is often scary, even if it is good change. BUT....it also gives us inner strength as we overcome it.

This has been an incredible journey. Being in a size 14 with an "acceptable" level of flab has put me on a major plateau. My vision of this plateau is not a bad one. High and lifted up. A large lush green surface that is "safe".

Lots of time constraints and pressure but me in a major pb episode and now I'm extremely sore fromt the stress. I'm not a fan of liquids, but have resigned myself to it's necessity. Liquids will definitely transport me to a new place. I'm hoping lower, but right now my focus is healing and to protect my body.

My naked body looked better at 207 than it does at 187, but the health benefits of losing almost 2 more bowling balls have helped me accept my "fluffiness".

I know what the next 10 pounds will bring. All I have to do is suck in my gut and the visual is there. Much like a glob of melted candle wax or raw canned buscuit dough.

I don't think I deliberately put myself in this position, but here I am. I can choose to lose by staying away from high calorie liquids, or I can choose to gain with pudding and creamed Soups. The very thought of gaining sickens me.

A new adventure awaits. Will I leave this safe place or will I create some new way to stay here?

Hi!

I just had my first fill this week, and interestingly enough I had trouble explaining why it was making me a nervous wreck. I also have spent most of my career life working in mental health, and I thought about it and realized that it just must be easier for us to recognize and express the fear out loud...It has been an interesting week since the fill! I am really aware that my whole relationship with food has to change now because I am pretty restricted as to how much I can eat, no matter how good it tastes! I love the fact that I feel physically better, but I miss just tasting stuff with abandon and not worrying about if the next mouthfull will feel like a golf ball has just entered and taken up residence in my esophagus!!!

My first reaction is to swallow, but all that does is add a big gulp of air and the golf ball gets bigger. Not exactly the response I was looking for.....

Try looking at it this way......You have just thrown away your very favorite and most comfortable defense mechanism that just plain wore out. It has probably been with you forever and you have no idea where you even got it. Now you get to go shopping and pick out a new one that is up to date and will bring out the very best in you. What you pick out is completely up to you and you and nobody else and it will be all yours. At least this time you get to choose willingly!

Ann :clap2:

Try looking at it this way......You have just thrown away your very favorite and most comfortable defense mechanism that just plain wore out. It has probably been with you forever and you have no idea where you even got it. Now you get to go shopping and pick out a new one that is up to date and will bring out the very best in you. What you pick out is completely up to you and you and nobody else and it will be all yours. At least this time you get to choose willingly!

Ann :clap2:

Ann, Thank you for this...I am printing and saving it as a reminder and to help me during those difficult moments.

Do you mind if I share this quote with my March 2007 group?

I can very much relate to how you are feeling Crishell. I am not so much in fear that I will not meet my goal because really I would be happy with any weight loss...and even being as new as I am to the band I can already see that it will give me more control with my eating.

My biggest fear is how I'm going to handle not having my weight to disappear behind. I remember getting weighed in front of the other children in First Grade and being 140 pounds. I have lived my entire life as a very obese person. My way of handling the ridicule and condemnation of others was to become quiet and introverted. I adapted hobbies and interests that could be done alone, like reading and writing, and really have mostly been a loner. I got through grad school and everything's good with work, but opening up to make friends is really hard for me. I've trusted so many times and always got screwed.

The other thing that really makes me nervous is dating. I was with the same guy from age 15 to age 34. We were never married and I broke things off a few years ago because he was a jerk. Basically he treated me like crap and I let him. So for the past 3 years I've been going solo. Been on a couple dates but the guys have been after sex and I don't do casual. LOL ...So I feel like my prospective weight loss will not only reshape my body but will also reshape everything that I am. I'm scared. I wish that I had a support system in my life. But I don't. I will attend the band support group and make friends I'm sure. I know I'm rambling but I'm just trying to say that so much more will change than the weight. I hope I can adjust!

Virginia

Hello Crishell !

Oh my gosh ! I was trying to explain MY fear of weight loss to my boyfriend and here I read your comment ! It feels good to know I am not alone in these feelings! Aren't these forums great?

I weighed 100 lbs at age 8. Have never been thinner than 201 lbs as an adult. People say I am very pretty and I always have taken care of myself in every aspect except weight---gorgeous hair, make-up, nails, clothes, perfume-- I am a very feminine, girly-girl. But now I am both excited and FEARFUL of becoming thinner...why?? I think it is because I know me as a 267 lb woman---how I move, how my legs and arms and tummy feels...there are so many unknowns when I think of my body, my physical being, being different. Am I afraid of more male attention? Maybe. Soemtimes I think some short-term counseling might assist in understanding our fears...

This is something we need to experience and then find our way. :bolt:

Banded 3/21/07 in Connecticut

pre-op weight: 270

current weight: 266

goal weight: 140-ish, maybe smaller