The Uncomfortable Truth....

[DirtyHarriett 94]

This thread should be required reading for all struggling with weight issues. You all amaze, inspire and astonish me. Every day I come to this site for answers and so many take the time to respond, always with heartfelt answers and encouragement. Often with tough love that only an experienced sleever can provide...

To read of the "demons" that haunt us all and just knowing one is not alone is one more reason that you are all so awesome. Taking the time to share so others will know their struggles are not unique is truly a remarkable gift.

Thank you all!

[kwigillingok 177]

I am glad you posted here - why do you feel like you don't fit in?

So glad you are working on the emotional issues, but as you are doing that, don't discount the physical part. What i am trying to say is that we are alot weaker (ie more prone to overeat emotionally) i the physical part is not in order. For me, that means eating low carb, high Protein, not getting overly hungry, staying hydrated etc. It is an interesting phenomena that my "emotional" eating or "head hunger" is much worse if i find myself on a carb bender of some sort. I am not discounting the emotional issues, I am just sharing that it is my own personal experience that the physical part is absolutely necessary to be "in order" to maintain success month after month. Since getting to goal, I have gone through a breakup, and major (plastic) surery which was VERY stressful for me as a medical-phobe without being triggered to turn to food for comfort. I really believe it is because I have the physical part in good order most of the time.

Oh yeah I still work on the physical stuff every day. I eat what I'm supposed to, get my protein, and try really hard to get all my Water in. The water seems to be what I struggle with most but I'm getting there :-)

I am still drinking one Protein Drink per day which is a little annoying because I'm really sick of them, but if I didn't drink one I fall short on my protein count.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

My husband would just say, "Don't. Eat." Not because he is being cruel or unsupportive, but because he truly does not CANNOT get it. He can stop, I couldn't. He can't understand it anymore than I can understand what it feels like to have a penis, Alzheimer's, octuplets or anything else that I can never/will never have.

OMG.. You're married to my husband! My husband, too, isn't being cruel when he says " all you have to do is stop eating" I swear, if he says that again I'm going to smack his skinny ass into yesteryear and not even google will be able to find him!

I have to admit that after reading this thread I have had a pampered life.. The true, Leave it to Beaver life.. I have been blessed. Of course, I've had issues and ups & downs, but nothing compared to some of the stories here.

I am so heartfelt touched that we all can be here for one another for more than just our sleeve journey, but for life's journey, too.

A lot of people say online friendships aren't real, but I disagree. Just like old fashion pen pals can become life long friends.. Online friends can, too.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

My husband would just say, "Don't. Eat." Not because he is being cruel or unsupportive, but because he truly does not CANNOT get it. He can stop, I couldn't. He can't understand it anymore than I can understand what it feels like to have a penis, Alzheimer's, octuplets or anything else that I can never/will never have.

OMG.. You're married to my husband! My husband, too, isn't being cruel when he says " all you have to do is stop eating" I swear, if he says that again I'm going to smack his skinny ass into yesteryear and not even google will be able to find him!

I have to admit that after reading this thread I have had a pampered life.. The true, Leave it to Beaver life.. I have been blessed. Of course, I've had issues and ups & downs, but nothing compared to some of the stories here.

I am so heartfelt touched that we all can be here for one another for more than just our sleeve journey, but for life's journey, too.

A lot of people say online friendships aren't real, but I disagree. Just like old fashion pen pals can become life long friends.. Online friends can, too.

My best friend in the whole wide world is someone I met on a work bulletin board twelve years ago. She lives in NY, I live in VA. We talk on the phone every day, 5 or 6 times a day. We've been on cruises together. We went to Las Vegas together, Jamaica, Bahamas... She was one of my main support people when they pulled the lemon out of my noggin. She was also my sleeve guinea pig. She went first about a year and half ahead of me and has been my biggest cheerleader since. Yes, online friends can be REAL friends.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Wow I just got back from visiting my grand daughter and had a lovely day with her and my daughter....I wanted to mention a couple of things as I read through the latest posts..

I had no idea what it would take to be a good mother..I did not have any model to follow and learn from..So when I did have my children I flew by the seat of my pants.... I figured that if I did not raise them like my mother raised us. And I gave them lots of love then it would all work out...

Not so...My son thinks of food every waking moment and only remembers everything we have done in life by what we ate that day..He is by no means over weight but he tells my daughter that what he misses the most about home is " the food".

My daughter on the other hand has issues with food...She is an excellent cook and tries to eat clean every day..Some times she loses her will and falls back to who cares and eats junk..Then beats herself up about it....

The reason I am mentioning this point is that today my grand daughter bit her finger and started to cry...She asked her mom for a cookie and said that that would make her feel better..I stared in horror as she said those words...My daughter went on to tell her that food is not what makes us happy or feel better it is a kiss and a hug and love that makes pain go away...My grand daughter said oh yes I forgot and hugged her mom.....

I changed so much when I raised my kids but never even thought of how I used food on them or if I was guilty of feeding their hurts away....

Coming from a starvation background..To me food was the answer to all ills because none of us were ever full...I am so proud of my daughter for doing a better job then I did with her...I cringe at the thought that I am responsible for her relationship with food...What have I done....

The second thing is that my daughter finally told her friends that I weighed under 200 lbs. She said it with such pride and I watched as her eyes filled up with tears and they trickled down her cheeks..Mom she said..I am so proud of you, you deserve to finally get the shit in your life together..Her words not mine!! She said that all her friends are so proud of me and that she is over powered by emotions when she thinks of what I have been through and what I am doing...She said it is like a miracle..

I asked her about herself if there were any miracles waiting for her and she said she has always learned by example and she said that I am her example..it was more then I could handle and she hugged me hard....

I know I was not a perfect mom and there were times I just wanted to run away because I had no idea if I was scarring them or helping them..but to hear her talk...I felt pride welling up inside of me.....How can I fail now people...everyone is watching me..Everyone is looking for me to continue to be an example of pulling my **** together...I cannot afford to screw it all up....

Such pressure, such praise, such fear of failing again......I want a chocolate bar instead of dealing with the latest....It won't help though..it never did...So for me when the pain and anxiety of dealing with all of this gets to much I start cleaning and re-cleaning my house. Not easy, but I get clean closets out of it I guess......gasping!!!!!!!!!!

Edited December 5, 2013 by RJ'S/beginning

[BethinPA 305]

Hi, We don't cross paths much.. I'm glad you posted here. I feel like we all have gotten to know each other a bit more from it. I wanted to highlight this.. It really resonated with me.. A strange thing huh? That we are going to the old behaviors now and they just aren't working the way they used too.. Lol but I'm a stubborn puss and keep trying

Exactly! I am hugely stubborn and I so resent anyone trying to tell me what to do. I guess even me trying to tell my own self to change my behaviors. If that even makes sense. If anyone had told me a year ago that I would even be talking about this stuff…I'd never have believed it.

Completely unrelated, thanks for the welcome, and I want you to know that I really enjoy reading your posts!

[BethinPA 305]

I see a counselor (well, I haven't for a few months, but I was) and she counsels me over and over again to just sit with the bad feelings. Try to learn to experience it rather than always feeling like you need to numb them, hide them, surpress them or comfort them. It is not always easy, but i suspect it is the right path.You might try counseling. You might also try just sitting with the bad feelings and consciously making the choice to NOT snack. It might not feel good, but I think with practice, it gets better. Also, do things food wise to support yourself - ie be sure to get enough Protein, eat enough and stay hydrated so that you are not truly hungry and tempted to snack.

Thank you for the suggestions. It feels totally unnatural for me to sit and feel what I am feeling, but I am really trying to get the hang of it. It's tough to change a lifetime of avoidance of any negative feelings.

[BethinPA 305]

One of my former therapists loved this exercise and she pointed out something interesting that goes along with it. In English, we say "I am hungry" or "I am angry." In other languages like French and German the construct is, "I have hunger" or "I have anger." Her theory is that when we personify the emotion we feel it more deeply; it IS us. So her additional instruction to me for sitting with feelings was to reframe the way I spoke to myself about it, so as to hold it at arms' length. She would ask me to visualize holding the feeling in both hands (I have hunger, right there, in my hands), assign it a color, a shape, whatever…and then let it go. It's a trick but it is distracting. I was mostly dealing with anger and hurt and it allowed me to take one step away from it and observe it, rather than rage.

I think that is a great suggestion - thank you very much!

[sophiepants 489]

RJ you are an amazing woman, mother, wife and grandmother. I understand the presser is weighing but you don't have to let it weigh you down. You already are WORKING your newest journey to it's fullest!!! You are a success in my eyes! Woman you rock!!!

[ReDbEaN 654]

My best friend in the whole wide world is someone I met on a work bulletin board twelve years ago. She lives in NY, I live in VA. We talk on the phone every day, 5 or 6 times a day. We've been on cruises together. We went to Las Vegas together, Jamaica, Bahamas... She was one of my main support people when they pulled the lemon out of my noggin. She was also my sleeve guinea pig. She went first about a year and half ahead of me and has been my biggest cheerleader since. Yes, online friends can be REAL friends.

I TOTALLY agree!! I have met some wonderful people over the Internet

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

RJ you are an amazing woman, mother, wife and grandmother. I understand the presser is weighing but you don't have to let it weigh you down. You already are WORKING your newest journey to it's fullest!!! You are a success in my eyes! Woman you rock!!!

Thank you for the encouragement!

[No game 14,436]

CRAZY AZZ MOTHER IN THE HOUSE!!

Well actually she just left the house (my house)

Revs post here had incredible timing,

because tis the season of crazy showing up at your doorstep bearing presents with a side of where's the platter of Cookies so I can hid in the closest and stuff!

food family and holidays.

Interesting time for us sleevers..

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

I have been an advocate of 'running away' and buying presents off Amazon as soon as I was financially able.

No more 'tense' Christmas dinners. No more 'expectation' beyond reality.

I found slobbing around on a beach in the Maldives far more enjoyable than listening to the same bias crap being regurgitated year after year after year, which ultimately left me feeling empty and demeaned inside.

Who needs turkey and grotesque helpings of emotionally conditioned familial crap when you can have a large mojito and the big azure blue tickling your toes!

A-men!

[crowsnestmama 240]

Sobbing mess today!

1) feel like my stomach has decided to transplant into my throat. Sometimes it think my body says, "hey, remember when you cut 90% of your stomach out? Well, now you are gonna pay!!!"

2) got a letter from my son from boot camp today. Who knew 2 words could reduce me to a hiccuping mess! Letter opened with, "Hey Momma!!" Yep I was a gonner! Then the all caps HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Put me over the edge, gah!!!

3) I really, really have come to hate this time of year....brings out the demons in my head with the round singing of, "you're such a failure!!!, you'll never succeed!!" This year they've added, "why did you even bother!!"

Fun stuff that...grrr

Sorry, if I don't get it out they just might take over and win. Hoping that by putting voice to them they will run away in shame.

Anyway, thanks for listening...well reading. Seriously didn't mean to basically throw all this up, I guess I have no one else who could possibly get it.

[Rena's got this 274]

I have been an advocate of 'running away' and buying presents off Amazon as soon as I was financially able.

No more 'tense' Christmas dinners. No more 'expectation' beyond reality.

I found slobbing around on a beach in the Maldives far more enjoyable than listening to the same bias crap being regurgitated year after year after year, which ultimately left me feeling empty and demeaned inside.

Who needs turkey and grotesque helpings of emotionally conditioned familial crap when you can have a large mojito and the big azure blue tickling your toes!

A-men!

I like your way of thinking!

I however, will be lucky enough to be spending part of the holiday with dear old Dad, who watches what I eat like a hawk, and always brings up the weight issue. If not the weight issue, then some other issue of how I could have done better in life, if I'd only taken his advice...etc. etc. ad nauseum. Meh....I'm going to let it roll off my back like Water off a duck.... then when I get home I may go for one of those Mojitos!