The Uncomfortable Truth....

[No game 14,436]

Sobbing mess today! 1) feel like my stomach has decided to transplant into my throat. Sometimes it think my body says, "hey, remember when you cut 90% of your stomach out? Well, now you are gonna pay!!!" 2) got a letter from my son from boot camp today. Who knew 2 words could reduce me to a hiccuping mess! Letter opened with, "Hey Momma!!" Yep I was a gonner! Then the all caps HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Put me over the edge, gah!!! 3) I really, really have come to hate this time of year....brings out the demons in my head with the round singing of, "you're such a failure!!!, you'll never succeed!!" This year they've added, "why did you even bother!!" Fun stuff that...grrr Sorry, if I don't get it out they just might take over and win. Hoping that by putting voice to them they will run away in shame. Anyway, thanks for listening...well reading. Seriously didn't mean to basically throw all this up, I guess I have no one else who could possibly get it.

It's your bday??

Your son love you! Smile girlie

You are a success!

You know my mother just left..

And with her leaving my house I am reminded that I am anything but a failure..

I made it through a lot..

I'm still here and I'm doing it! It may not be pretty everyday but WE are doing this thing!

[mistysj 1,939]

Laura, your last few days make so much sense now. I'm glad your mother is gone. Family is so tough especially with as much baggage as yours comes with. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it.

[Indigo1991 1,612]

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad

They may not mean to, but they do

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you."

Philip Larkin, a man who sounds like he'd met some of our mothers...

[No game 14,436]

Laura, your last few days make so much sense now. I'm glad your mother is gone. Family is so tough especially with as much baggage as yours comes with. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it.

I made it through., I'm not sure how well she faired.. It was going "normally" that is taking her to the doctors back and forth to have them tell her she's not dying. She doesn't like to hear that and wants more tests! Or she will get off all meds so they can see she's going to die so then they can operate! (Yes this is all true) o_o

I thought I'd get her out of the house this morning all nice and tidy.. Nope she pushed.. And she got the wrath of Laura..

She left telling me I needed to find god..

Apparently she found him and he fixed her all up!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Sobbing mess today!

1) feel like my stomach has decided to transplant into my throat. Sometimes it think my body says, "hey, remember when you cut 90% of your stomach out? Well, now you are gonna pay!!!"

2) got a letter from my son from boot camp today. Who knew 2 words could reduce me to a hiccuping mess! Letter opened with, "Hey Momma!!" Yep I was a gonner! Then the all caps HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Put me over the edge, gah!!!

3) I really, really have come to hate this time of year....brings out the demons in my head with the round singing of, "you're such a failure!!!, you'll never succeed!!" This year they've added, "why did you even bother!!"

Fun stuff that...grrr

Sorry, if I don't get it out they just might take over and win. Hoping that by putting voice to them they will run away in shame.

Anyway, thanks for listening...well reading. Seriously didn't mean to basically throw all this up, I guess I have no one else who could possibly get it.

that is fantastic..mom....don't run hun...deal and make a new road for this time of year..Change it up, you have the power to Change it up...K

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Laura, your last few days make so much sense now. I'm glad your mother is gone. Family is so tough especially with as much baggage as yours comes with. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it.

I made it through., I'm not sure how well she faired.. It was going "normally" that is taking her to the doctors back and forth to have them tell her she's not dying. She doesn't like to hear that and wants more tests! Or she will get off all meds so they can see she's going to die so then they can operate! (Yes this is all true) o_o

I thought I'd get her out of the house this morning all nice and tidy.. Nope she pushed.. And she got the wrath of Laura..

She left telling me I needed to find god..

Apparently she found him and he fixed her all up!

Mine screams Christian as well...have never seen such a hypocrite in my life as her....Always been the only one who believes in anything that is good the rest of us are all evil and bad and will burn one day....Can you imagine another mother who feels that way about her children. No wonder the 12 of us are screwed up......yikes!

[No game 14,436]

Mine screams Christian as well...have never seen such a hypocrite in my life as her....Always been the only one who believes in anything that is good the rest of us are all evil and bad and will burn one day....Can you imagine another mother who feels that way about her children. No wonder the 12 of us are screwed up......yikes!

She never stops about it these days.. This is new trust me she's a heathen! But I think the guilt of my brothers death changed something in her because she's been hiding yes hiding behind it since.

I told her to please stop telling me to find god.

She wouldn't stop!! OMG (haha OMG) she kept coming after me.

Then she says she is waiting to die every day..

Yes that will get me!

I will die Laura!! Everyday any day I will die!!!!

She doesn't understand why I am "soulless"

Why won't I believe in god how can I not believe In an "higher power"

I told her "I do, me" I said "everything starts with me and it ends with me, I am god" "as a matter of fact you can start calling me god or master, whichever you prefer"

Well she finally left after that, crazy and just a bit scared this time

Edited December 7, 2013 by laura-ven

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Mine screams Christian as well...have never seen such a hypocrite in my life as her....Always been the only one who believes in anything that is good the rest of us are all evil and bad and will burn one day....Can you imagine another mother who feels that way about her children. No wonder the 12 of us are screwed up......yikes!

She never stops about it these days.. This is new trust me she's a heathen! But I think the guilt of my brothers death changed something in her because she's been hiding yes hiding behind it since.

I told her to please stop telling me to find god.

She wouldn't stop!! OMG (haha OMG) she kept coming after me.

Then she says she is waiting to die every day..

Yes that will get me!

I will die Laura!! Everyday any day I will die!!!!

She doesn't understand why I am "soulless"

Why won't I believe in god how can I not believe I'm an "higher power"

I told I do. Me I said "everything starts with me and it ends with me, I am god" "as a matter of fact you can start calling me god or master, whichever you prefer"

Well she left finally crazy and just a bit scared this time

I would love to say that I trey to keep god out of it..but she justifies everything using that....I don't know what happened to your brother..but it really hurts you to talk about him..I can feel it in your words.....I am sorry Laura...was he your only sibling? At least in my family we are all bad..all 12 of us..so she bounces from one to the other and at least shares her rage...

[No game 14,436]

I would love to say that I trey to keep god out of it..but she justifies everything using that....I don't know what happened to your brother..but it really hurts you to talk about him..I can feel it in your words.....I am sorry Laura...was he your only sibling? At least in my family we are all bad..all 12 of us..so she bounces from one to the other and at least shares her rage...

He took his life. I filled my hole with food. He filled his hole with drugs and alcohol. But just as we know now we could never stuff enough food to fill the hole he could never fill his hole.. He couldn't take it anymore.. He talked to her on the phone it wasn't good she wasn't nice.. The last thing she told him was "you are just like me! Don't think you are any different" (she feels great guilt now, she did really love him) he was found three days later..

Yes he was my only sibling. A year and a half older..

Sorry to dump. I'm an open book without much of a filter.

It's been a long day.. And I feel some what bad.

She is harmless now really..

An old lady just living out her years with her own demons.

Edited December 6, 2013 by laura-ven

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I would love to say that I trey to keep god out of it..but she justifies everything using that....I don't know what happened to your brother..but it really hurts you to talk about him..I can feel it in your words.....I am sorry Laura...was he your only sibling? At least in my family we are all bad..all 12 of us..so she bounces from one to the other and at least shares her rage...

He took his life. I filled my hole with food. He filled his hole with drugs and alcohol. But just as we know now we could never stuff enough food to fill the hole he could never fill his hole.. He couldn't take it anymore.. He talked to her on the phone it wasn't good she wasn't nice.. The last thing she told him was you are just like me! Don't think you are any different (she feels great guilt now, she did really love him) he was found three days later..

Yes he was my only sibling. A year and a half older..

Sorry to dump. I'm an open book without much of a filter.

It's been a long day.. And I feel some what bad.

She is harmless now really..

An old lady just living out her years with her own demons.

I want to hug you so hard, your eyes would pop out of your head, chicky. I really really do. What's your address?

[No game 14,436]

I want to hug you so hard, your eyes would pop out of your head, chicky. I really really do. What's your address?

Lol! I wanna be squeezed till I pop !!

Or at least poop out some staples

Edited December 6, 2013 by laura-ven

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I want to hug you so hard, your eyes would pop out of your head, chicky. I really really do. What's your address?

Lol! I wanna be squeezed till I pop !!

Or at least poop out some staples

You just HAD to go there.

[No game 14,436]

It's been a few days...

[ReDbEaN 654]

It's your bday?? Your son love you! Smile girlie You are a success! You know my mother just left.. And with her leaving my house I am reminded that I am anything but a failure.. I made it through a lot.. I'm still here and I'm doing it! It may not be pretty everyday but WE are doing this thing!

That's right!!! You are definitely NOT a failure!!!

[ReDbEaN 654]

He took his life. I filled my hole with food. He filled his hole with drugs and alcohol. But just as we know now we could never stuff enough food to fill the hole he could never fill his hole.. He couldn't take it anymore.. He talked to her on the phone it wasn't good she wasn't nice.. The last thing she told him was you are just like me! Don't think you are any different (she feels great guilt now, she did really love him) he was found three days later.. Yes he was my only sibling. A year and a half older.. Sorry to dump. I'm an open book without much of a filter. It's been a long day.. And I feel some what bad. She is harmless now really.. An old lady just living out her years with her own demons.

Ahhh, Laura, I am so very sorry. I cannot fathom losing my brother. Sending you hugs.