Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

The Uncomfortable Truth....



Recommended Posts

Sobbing mess today! 1) feel like my stomach has decided to transplant into my throat. Sometimes it think my body says, "hey, remember when you cut 90% of your stomach out? Well, now you are gonna pay!!!" 2) got a letter from my son from boot camp today. Who knew 2 words could reduce me to a hiccuping mess! Letter opened with, "Hey Momma!!" Yep I was a gonner! Then the all caps HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Put me over the edge, gah!!! 3) I really, really have come to hate this time of year....brings out the demons in my head with the round singing of, "you're such a failure!!!, you'll never succeed!!" This year they've added, "why did you even bother!!" Fun stuff that...grrr Sorry, if I don't get it out they just might take over and win. Hoping that by putting voice to them they will run away in shame. Anyway, thanks for listening...well reading. Seriously didn't mean to basically throw all this up, I guess I have no one else who could possibly get it.

It's your bday??

Your son love you! Smile girlie :)

You are a success!

You know my mother just left..

And with her leaving my house I am reminded that I am anything but a failure..

I made it through a lot..

I'm still here and I'm doing it! It may not be pretty everyday but WE are doing this thing!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Laura, your last few days make so much sense now. I'm glad your mother is gone. Family is so tough especially with as much baggage as yours comes with. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad

They may not mean to, but they do

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you."

Philip Larkin, a man who sounds like he'd met some of our mothers...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Laura, your last few days make so much sense now. I'm glad your mother is gone. Family is so tough especially with as much baggage as yours comes with. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it.

I made it through., I'm not sure how well she faired.. It was going "normally" that is taking her to the doctors back and forth to have them tell her she's not dying. She doesn't like to hear that and wants more tests! Or she will get off all meds so they can see she's going to die so then they can operate! (Yes this is all true) o_o

I thought I'd get her out of the house this morning all nice and tidy.. Nope she pushed.. And she got the wrath of Laura..

She left telling me I needed to find god..

Apparently she found him and he fixed her all up!

:P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sobbing mess today!

1) feel like my stomach has decided to transplant into my throat. Sometimes it think my body says, "hey, remember when you cut 90% of your stomach out? Well, now you are gonna pay!!!"

2) got a letter from my son from boot camp today. Who knew 2 words could reduce me to a hiccuping mess! Letter opened with, "Hey Momma!!" Yep I was a gonner! Then the all caps HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Put me over the edge, gah!!!

3) I really, really have come to hate this time of year....brings out the demons in my head with the round singing of, "you're such a failure!!!, you'll never succeed!!" This year they've added, "why did you even bother!!"

Fun stuff that...grrr

Sorry, if I don't get it out they just might take over and win. Hoping that by putting voice to them they will run away in shame.

Anyway, thanks for listening...well reading. Seriously didn't mean to basically throw all this up, I guess I have no one else who could possibly get it.

that is fantastic..mom....don't run hun...deal and make a new road for this time of year..Change it up, you have the power to Change it up...K

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Laura, your last few days make so much sense now. I'm glad your mother is gone. Family is so tough especially with as much baggage as yours comes with. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it.

I made it through., I'm not sure how well she faired.. It was going "normally" that is taking her to the doctors back and forth to have them tell her she's not dying. She doesn't like to hear that and wants more tests! Or she will get off all meds so they can see she's going to die so then they can operate! (Yes this is all true) o_o

I thought I'd get her out of the house this morning all nice and tidy.. Nope she pushed.. And she got the wrath of Laura..

She left telling me I needed to find god..

Apparently she found him and he fixed her all up!

:P

Mine screams Christian as well...have never seen such a hypocrite in my life as her....Always been the only one who believes in anything that is good the rest of us are all evil and bad and will burn one day....Can you imagine another mother who feels that way about her children. No wonder the 12 of us are screwed up......yikes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine screams Christian as well...have never seen such a hypocrite in my life as her....Always been the only one who believes in anything that is good the rest of us are all evil and bad and will burn one day....Can you imagine another mother who feels that way about her children. No wonder the 12 of us are screwed up......yikes!

She never stops about it these days.. This is new trust me she's a heathen! But I think the guilt of my brothers death changed something in her because she's been hiding yes hiding behind it since.

I told her to please stop telling me to find god.

She wouldn't stop!! OMG (haha OMG) she kept coming after me.

Then she says she is waiting to die every day..

Yes that will get me!

I will die Laura!! Everyday any day I will die!!!!

She doesn't understand why I am "soulless"

Why won't I believe in god how can I not believe In an "higher power"

I told her "I do, me" I said "everything starts with me and it ends with me, I am god" "as a matter of fact you can start calling me god or master, whichever you prefer"

Well she finally left after that, crazy and just a bit scared this time :P

Edited by laura-ven

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine screams Christian as well...have never seen such a hypocrite in my life as her....Always been the only one who believes in anything that is good the rest of us are all evil and bad and will burn one day....Can you imagine another mother who feels that way about her children. No wonder the 12 of us are screwed up......yikes!

She never stops about it these days.. This is new trust me she's a heathen! But I think the guilt of my brothers death changed something in her because she's been hiding yes hiding behind it since.

I told her to please stop telling me to find god.

She wouldn't stop!! OMG (haha OMG) she kept coming after me.

Then she says she is waiting to die every day..

Yes that will get me!

I will die Laura!! Everyday any day I will die!!!!

She doesn't understand why I am "soulless"

Why won't I believe in god how can I not believe I'm an "higher power"

I told I do. Me I said "everything starts with me and it ends with me, I am god" "as a matter of fact you can start calling me god or master, whichever you prefer"

Well she left finally crazy and just a bit scared this time :P

I would love to say that I trey to keep god out of it..but she justifies everything using that....I don't know what happened to your brother..but it really hurts you to talk about him..I can feel it in your words.....I am sorry Laura...was he your only sibling? At least in my family we are all bad..all 12 of us..so she bounces from one to the other and at least shares her rage...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would love to say that I trey to keep god out of it..but she justifies everything using that....I don't know what happened to your brother..but it really hurts you to talk about him..I can feel it in your words.....I am sorry Laura...was he your only sibling? At least in my family we are all bad..all 12 of us..so she bounces from one to the other and at least shares her rage...

He took his life. I filled my hole with food. He filled his hole with drugs and alcohol. But just as we know now we could never stuff enough food to fill the hole he could never fill his hole.. He couldn't take it anymore.. He talked to her on the phone it wasn't good she wasn't nice.. The last thing she told him was "you are just like me! Don't think you are any different" (she feels great guilt now, she did really love him) he was found three days later..

Yes he was my only sibling. A year and a half older..

Sorry to dump. I'm an open book without much of a filter.

It's been a long day.. And I feel some what bad.

She is harmless now really..

An old lady just living out her years with her own demons.

Edited by laura-ven

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would love to say that I trey to keep god out of it..but she justifies everything using that....I don't know what happened to your brother..but it really hurts you to talk about him..I can feel it in your words.....I am sorry Laura...was he your only sibling? At least in my family we are all bad..all 12 of us..so she bounces from one to the other and at least shares her rage...

He took his life. I filled my hole with food. He filled his hole with drugs and alcohol. But just as we know now we could never stuff enough food to fill the hole he could never fill his hole.. He couldn't take it anymore.. He talked to her on the phone it wasn't good she wasn't nice.. The last thing she told him was you are just like me! Don't think you are any different (she feels great guilt now, she did really love him) he was found three days later..

Yes he was my only sibling. A year and a half older..

Sorry to dump. I'm an open book without much of a filter.

It's been a long day.. And I feel some what bad.

She is harmless now really..

An old lady just living out her years with her own demons.

I want to hug you so hard, your eyes would pop out of your head, chicky. I really really do. What's your address?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to hug you so hard, your eyes would pop out of your head, chicky. I really really do. What's your address?

Lol! I wanna be squeezed till I pop !! :P

Or at least poop out some staples :o

Edited by laura-ven

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's your bday?? Your son love you! Smile girlie :) You are a success! You know my mother just left.. And with her leaving my house I am reminded that I am anything but a failure.. I made it through a lot.. I'm still here and I'm doing it! It may not be pretty everyday but WE are doing this thing!

That's right!!! You are definitely NOT a failure!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He took his life. I filled my hole with food. He filled his hole with drugs and alcohol. But just as we know now we could never stuff enough food to fill the hole he could never fill his hole.. He couldn't take it anymore.. He talked to her on the phone it wasn't good she wasn't nice.. The last thing she told him was you are just like me! Don't think you are any different (she feels great guilt now, she did really love him) he was found three days later.. Yes he was my only sibling. A year and a half older.. Sorry to dump. I'm an open book without much of a filter. It's been a long day.. And I feel some what bad. She is harmless now really.. An old lady just living out her years with her own demons.

Ahhh, Laura, I am so very sorry. I cannot fathom losing my brother. Sending you hugs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 1 reply
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×