Is there something wrong with me that I am sick and tired of the "compliments" and comments I am getting about my weight loss? I'm tired of being told how good I look, or having people say things like "I barely recognize you." This is particularly a problem at work. I just want to come in and do my job and see my friends and learn new things. I have other things in my life I want to talk about besides my weight loss. The other day this all went too far. My project manager called me into her office because another project manager had an idea she wanted to tell me. When I opened the door, she whipped out her iphone camera and said "hey, we want to take pictures of your shrinking ass. We want to take sequential pictures over a period of time and put them into time lapse photography and show your incredible shrinking ass." The next day I went to my Vice President and said that I felt a line had been crossed, that I had found this very distressing. She agreed it was inappropriate and said she would talk to them but then said, "you have to understand, we are all totally blown away be the changes in your body. We see it changing almost daily. People just want to let you know how successfull you are." I told her that I had lived with my surgery and my changing body image every waking moment for nearly 3 months now and that I want to move on with my life, focus on other things. Everyone notices everything I wear, any new outfit - which I now have plenty of because there is not one thing from my old closet that fits. Its to the point where I'm hesitant to return to my personal training sessions for fear I'll look even more toned and have to deal with more comments. The other day, I struggled to find something in my closet to wear that fit and looked professional, when I finally pulled an outfit together, I must have received a zillion compliments - and I didn't even particularly like it or think it was flattering. And that was the day I got the "shrinking ass" comment. I know I am going to continue to lose weight and get even better looking. Is it going to come to a point when this discussion on my appearance either stops or that I just accept that people checking me out and commenting is part of my new life?

Me too, me too, me too! I don't want what I weigh or surgery to be the only thing that defines me. I've told a few people at work but I've also set limits on what I want to discuss. I hit the 50 pound malt this week and clothes are starting to fall off. The questions and well meaning comments have started rolling in. Two of my employees made comments to the effect "I hate you, you're so skinny". I'm sure the secret will get out and gonna hear more. It's not flattering unless the see "me" beyond what I weigh. I'm getting tired of it already and I have 120 to go. I'm gonna pull the "boss" card and start discussing the legality of discussing the physical features of coworkers. BUT.... I feel so good. So I just keep moving on and give limited info.

I've had enough manager training to know that what you're experiencing is a hostile work environment and should be taken seriously. Good for you going to a manager and talking about it. If it continues and the manager doesn't discuss it with your coworkers, I'd go to HR. While a compliment here and there might be fine, you shouldn't have to talk about your weight loss all day long. And whipping out a camera??? Unbelievable and over the line.

Stand up for yourself but also get your manager or HR to help out, too. Don't let it continue on or get worse. You shouldn't have to deal with stuff like that at work.

I've had enough manager training to know that what you're experiencing is a hostile work environment and should be taken seriously. Good for you going to a manager and talking about it. If it continues and the manager doesn't discuss it with your coworkers, I'd go to HR. While a compliment here and there might be fine, you shouldn't have to talk about your weight loss all day long. And whipping out a camera??? Unbelievable and over the line.

Stand up for yourself but also get your manager or HR to help out, too. Don't let it continue on or get worse. You shouldn't have to deal with stuff like that at work.

I agree. It's definitely classified as a hostile work environment and is a unwanted distraction. Those are terms that HR should jump all over. I'd be gracious and appreciative and understanding that coworkers say nice things but then I'd WhOMP them with those two terms. It should stop. Whoever the direct manager is of the people who are carrying on can get into hot Water if they let it go on. Damn, you'd think losing weight should have ONLY good benefits. But it's not fun to feel uncomfortable in social or work circles. I just went to a funeral, ran into a doctor I worked with a long time ago. I didn't particularly care for him. He hugged me and first words out of his mouth were "you've lost weight, you look great". I'd say that's a compliment but he would never have barely spoken to me at 325 - sorta surprised he did at 275. Just felt awkward and icky.

I never get any compliments, even though I have lost 86 lbs in 6 months. Not even from my husband. I am very hurt by this, I wish someone would say something.

I can understand getting to much attention, it is probably exhausting, but to get none after all the hard work put into this makes me cry.

I never get any compliments, even though I have lost 86 lbs in 6 months. Not even from my husband. I am very hurt by this, I wish someone would say something.

I can understand getting to much attention, it is probably exhausting, but to get none after all the hard work put into this makes me cry.

I'm really sorry to hear this. One of my friends who works in the same office as me as not recieved as many compliments as I have and I'm not sure she's comfortable in her new body. She continues to wear baggy clothes and "hide" her new body. In fact, I myself think she now looks too thin but I do not want to say anything. She has not been able to commit the time to exercise that I have so she does not look toned but rather out of shape.

I imagine it is distressing that your husband cannot compliment you. Is your he perhaps uncomfortable with you now being a more attractive woman? Is he threatened by this? Or does he perhaps have weight issues of his own? I hope you continue to buy clothes, get a new hairdo and exercise and work on being proud of your new body.

I have learned to be gracious with the compliments I recieve and maintain my dignity when someone is a bit over the line with comments. Someone at work recently said I had "too much style to work here." I now tell people when they carry on about my appearance, "You know, I was always good looking, I was just fat and good looking." I think what hurt so much was the idea that I was not a truely beautiful person before the weightloss. And it was hard for me that my changing body was so public, at a time when I was still very much struggling with reaching my own private and personal goals for health and fitness.

I have not had surgery yet but have lost weight at different points in my life. I guess it's my insecurities, but I always feel when I was given a compliment that it was kind of a backhanded compliment. What I mean is I hear a compliment and turn whAt they said around to "you were so fat". I'm almost dreading the compliments to come after surgery because of this feeling! Well at least I have plenty of time to work that feeling out!!

Hi All,

I can understand the overkill of compliments. I get asked daily by at least one person if not more how much weight I have lost so far and how much more I intend to lose. Unfortunately for me it was quite impossible to hide the fact that I had WLS. It can get quite tiresome at times but I on the flipside I remember when I dropped my first 50lbs I was disappointed that no one said anything and then I thought well hell I must be so damn fat no one notices and that entire attitude was just counterproductive.

I have a pretty thick skin not to mention an incredible sense of humor but I have heard my fair share of off the cuff compliments that could easily been turned around and taken as an insult. I just pass it off as a skinny person who have never had a weight problem in their life and does not know any better.

My favorites are:

1. You're head is so much smaller now....awesome happy I was able to let some air out of the beach ball head for you.

2. You're face is so skinny now.....

My favorite:

Female co-worker telling another male co-worker who happened to be a close friend : "Oh Jim is going to be so handsome once he loses all the weight" Great I must really look like shit...thanks

At the end of the day I brush it all off because you know what...THIS is all about ME and nothing and no one else matters. I am healthy, strong, mobile and quite happy with this new lease on life.

I can recall how embarrassing it was to be that big and even now I get embarrassed when someone asks me how much I've lost. Last time I was at the Barber he asked how much I had lost and I told him 120lbs because I was too embarrassed to say 275....

And congratulations Jim1967 on the 275 lbs! Wonderful! And I bet your health is so much better now, which to me is what really counts, not the appearances.

I am at the beginning stages of this adventure, but once lost a lot of weight on my own. I experienced the same remarks when I lost that weight and am not looking forward to hearing them again after my surgery. I have talked about this with people and they don't get it. What it boils down to is that you feel like you must have been so disgusting before the weight loss.

Exactly!!!!!

I have talked about this with people and they don't get it. What it boils down to is that you feel like you must have been so disgusting before the weight loss.

I agree, some people just won't shut up about it and are fascinated with commenting on your size! Obesity is such a public disease. I have a friend who has hidden her epilepsy all her life and is just now, at 50 years old, starting to share this with people. But for obesity, there is no hiding it. AND remember - you will soon be healthier and better looking than many of these people. You have had a second chance in life and they are jealous!

I never get any compliments, even though I have lost 86 lbs in 6 months. Not even from my husband. I am very hurt by this, I wish someone would say something.

I can understand getting to much attention, it is probably exhausting, but to get none after all the hard work put into this makes me cry.

I bet you're gorgeous! Post pics, I'd love to see your success.

Edited April 28, 201412 yr by LipstickLady

It just makes me feel like "you were an ogre before, but now your cool". Which then, of course makes me not want to be friendly with them. I know gross overreaction!! Just trying to make point. Of course I haven't even had surgery yet, but I'm ready for them, LOL.

I am at the beginning stages of this adventure, but once lost a lot of weight on my own. I experienced the same remarks when I lost that weight and am not looking forward to hearing them again after my surgery. I have talked about this with people and they don't get it. What it boils down to is that you feel like you must have been so disgusting before the weight loss.

I went through that too, before with a 42 pound loss on Jenny Craig in the 1990's. I dreaded that when I started on this journey. What's different this time, mentally, is having this site to help vent, find better coping skills and to just build up the mental fortitude to deal with the emotional side. I've lost 54. It's noticeable. People keep using the word melting. I'm much more stronger and confident in my abilities at 45 than I was at 25. It's still hard. Even positive comments sound underhanded in my mind. It's especially worse in a big group. But it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm handling it better this time. I just try to minimize the attention and stay focused on the big picture. It's all such a crazy journey!

I can say now, 4 weeks post op, that i cant wait for the compliments! But...and a big but I may add (no pun intended) I do not look forward to having to BS people about how I lost my weight. Only one person knows I have had surgery and that is the husband. I H-A-T-E people being all up in my business and I am a very private person (except for on Bariatric Pal) and I dont know what to do. I was the popular girl in my hometown and I have not been back there in years and no one knows how big I am. When I had my tummy tuck years ago, it was a big thing around town and random people would come up to me and comment on how I went to extremes, yadda, yadda, yadda.

But i digress. Anyway, I also hate the, "you are getting too skinny" or "your head looks huge now" or "you look sick" comments and that is going to piss me off!