Hey, I'm new here. I'm sure this has been said time and time again not only in this support site but in general. I am yo-yo'ing with my decision.

I want the outcome. I want to be successful. I want (and need personally & medically) to lose weight.

I am going through the steps to get the surgery. I will likely get it done. However, from time-to-time in my head I back out and have a 'normal' life.

I really thought that after the group consultation (1st initial meeting) and some more reading I was set on surgery. VSG in particular.

Today I went to my first dietician appt (I had previously seen a diabetes dietician...about 2 months prior). I have to write down what I eat and show it for the next 3 classes.

I don't like this feeling. I don't want someone to scrutinize my eating habits. (Please be assured I know that the we have to record it to track eating patterns, be accountable, show that I'm making changes, and all that jazz.) I just feel that this woman who hasn't had the same struggle with weight (severe obesity) is going to look at my log and make me feel bad if I went and had some fast food. I feel like I won't get to have surgery if I write down I had a cookie. Do I have to put why I ate the damn cookie? Can't I want a cookie...I wasn't sad or stressed or lonely or depressed...I just wanted a cookie. I don't know why.

I'm also feeling I'm going to struggle with this non-starchy vegetable thing. The only veggies I really like are the bad ones apparently. Just make myself choke down some non-iceberg lettuce with dinner?

If I'm feeling like this now how will I feel post-op? (Which due to my work schedule may not be until the end of March...and I'm doing this all now...luckily I was told to do the food journal now for all of my classwork and it'll be good for a year)

After all of my yo-yoing I'm sure I won't pass the psych eval so I'm probably worried over nothing... (kinda sarcasm here)

I just don't want a life that revolves around food. It just seems that's what my life will be. Calories, Proteins, carbs, calories, proteins, carbs, repeat. Oh...and exercise.

I don't even know if I have a question. This seems more like a blog post than a forum one and for that I'm sorry. I just wanted to get this out there in sleeve land. I haven't really seen any posts where people regret it.

I guess my biggest fear is that I'll fail. (No, I don't want to sit around eating Cookies all the time...I've even lost 20 pounds before any pre-op stuff...I just want to not feel guilty if a cookie is enjoyed. No, a cookie probably does not taste better than healthy feels...but hell, I wouldn't really know. It's just I guess that 'cookie' is representative of free will or whatever...)

I want to be post-op, healthier, fitter, leaner, and feel normal not like a calorie hawk.

Again, sorry for just rambling what is in my mind.

No worries..Lol! We've ALL been there, had doubts and crazy thoughts about not ever being able to eat the things we love again, I'm PRE-Op and just got approved I have no date yet but I've been doing this since January...I guess the reality is we ALREADY have a messed up relationship with food so this can only help..the great part is people on this site are awesome!!' Period! So keep venting

If your dietitian did not recommend myfitnesspal.com, it is a good place to start. It is an awesome tool for helping you log your food, plus you have choices on which nutrition values you want to track. I though I was eating a pretty healthy diet with good choices, but the fitness pal exposed some imbalances that needed to be corrected. My world revolved around food anyway, so I just need to submit to the fact that it still will just in a different way. Whatever the docs require of me to get the surgery done, then that is what I will do. I am worth it. Tomorrow morning is my second nutrition appointment and my psych evaluation, and I am marching in there with printouts of my myfitnesspal pages for the last six weeks - warts and all. Yes I had cookies a couple of times, and I had peanut butter cups once, but I owned it There is no point in lying to myself. I need help and the nutritionist can't help me if I curl up in a ball and wish she would go away. So, my encouragement to you is to see the nutritionist as an ally who can help you on your journey to good health. Take care, and good luck with your program.

For me deciding to get the sleeve is a choice I've made to get healthy and changing my eating habits. That does not mean I have to be perfect or that I'm never going to have cookie, it means that most of the time I'm going to eat smart and on occasion have a treat. Yes in the beginning it's going to be hard giving up the things I love and keeping track, but I think after a while it will become second nature.

No worries..Lol! We've ALL been there, had doubts and crazy thoughts about not ever being able to eat the things we love again, I'm PRE-Op and just got approved I have no date yet but I've been doing this since January...I guess the reality is we ALREADY have a messed up relationship with food so this can only help..the great part is people on this site are awesome!!' Period! So keep venting

I was sticking to most of what my diabetes dietician recommended. (I have prediabetes and met with her to discuss habits and carbs and what not) I was walking more and when I went in today to get weighed I'd lost 20 lbs in a little under 2 months. I was happy with the lower number on the scale...then she just changed my mood. I was feeling successful. I understand I cannot sit around and eat what I want. I did that for over a decade.

I just don't want to feel guilty if I indulge once in a while as a treat like a 'regular' eater would. I am worried I'll get denied or reprimanded if I put birthday cake on my log. I mean, dammit, I'm turning 30 and wanna go out with my girls because when I'm 31 I won't be able to Celebrate the same.

I also wonder if I waiver this much in my head am I ready for it? (I know have make changes--I'm not going to go down the path of some relatives, I cannot)

Thanks for your support. I don't even know my relationship with food. I just wanna break up but food is probably the only addiction that you have to have in your life to live. I also have to know the dietician isn't judging but it's just difficult because I know she hasn't walked in our plus sized shoes.

I just want to see sleeve veterans living normal, eating normal, not fixated on numbers....but I guess that'll never be my future?

Well let me first start by saying, you can't think like..when you turn 31 you won't be able to celebrate the same (and mean what you eat and what you drink) you have to understand that you won't celebrate the same because you can dress like you want, and feel better about yourself, your focus won't even be on the food..cake etc anymore because PRE-diabetes will be in your past and so will other things that made you find comfort in food. You are young..10 years younger than me, but I can say that at 31 I wore a size 8 and I didn't care about food that much..I loved the way I looked and felt, I was active and happy. When that starts in your life you will say to hell with that cake.. And when you want a piece you will eat some and keep it moving..

I gained my weight after a very bad accident and being sedentary for several years...no work or exercise just a lot of emotional eating and laying up because of pain and feeling sorry for myself..well 60Lbs later I'm over it..and it's got go..no amount of cake, Cookies or soda can comfort me through knowing what it was like to be healthy, with energy and no high blood pressure, sleep apnea, aching joints etc. it's amazing how your health can turn for the worst so quickly with weight. I am still single..and I want to be in love with myself again so that I can attract a man that will feel the same way about me. And soon I will be there again..very soon.

Let go of the negatives and embrace the good you will get from this...nobody's saying you can't ever have a sweet treat again..just in moderation IF your body even wants it after this. I honestly hope I don't want any of it..I don't think I'd miss it...nobody's going to spank you about a cookie. I told my Psychiatrist I sabotage'd myself last week drinking wine with a sad friend..4 glasses..I gained 3 lbs..SMH. He just said ya know **** happens..Lol! I'll have it back off way before surgery.

Again you're not alone...