So my plan was not to tell mom until closer to surgery but today I just felt like I needed to tell her. My SIL had the lapband 2 yrs ago and my mom was so judgmental of her I was afraid of the same thing towards me. I started by letting her know I wanted her support even if she didn't agree.

When I finally told her she asked if it was the lapband right away. I told her no and began to explain to her but my daughters nose began to bleed.

After that it didn't come up at all I wasn't sure what she was thinking. Later she just kinda blurted out what I had decided and why couldn't I just go to the gym. I said it wasn't about that anymore. That it would be sometime in February. Then it came "so why are you asking me if you already even have a date?"

I was letting her know, not asking her opinion. We didn't talk much more about it. Not sure what could happen next. Or how to handle it from now on. This was one of the reasons for not telling her. She didn't seem mad just kinda quiet about it.

Sorry so long.

I initially wasnt going to tell my mother till after the surgery but I figured if anything happened she would be left in the dark and that's just not fair. So I told her last week. She was concerned but said she trusted I researched this to be the best decision for me and asked who my surgeon was (presumably so she could Google him) and said she is happy for me (in her own way).

She could have told me otherwise but honestly, I'm a grown up and her opinion is taken into account but certainly not law of the land in my life.

So sorry, just remember , we love our family and friends,but this time it isn't about them. This is about and FOR us. You deserve this.

I am sorry that you didn't receive the support you were hoping for when sharing this with your mom...there can be so much complexity to the parent/child relationship and it is amazing to me how many parents continue to feel that is their role (or right) to have a say in what their adult children do in their lives (something I struggle with in my relationship with my Dad)...I am guessing that your Mom is a pretty dominant personality, and that you often choose to avoid the conversation to avoid the confrontation, but I would suggest that the "what to do next" might be to spend some time thinking about how her response made you feel and what ideally you would like from her to help you on this journey...and then engage her in a conversation about those two things.

Lord knows I love my mom but he also knows I knows how nutty she could be. I wanted to be able to explain to her why I am doing this. It's not longer about looks. My body completely feels horribly sick. Although I didn't get the chance I feel that would have helped.

Hoping she will let it sink in. At the end of the day I won't let anyone talk me out of it but it should would be a lot easier to have heard her say "I'm glad you are doing this"