Thin body, thick skin...

[gmanbat 5,889]

My year and a half on the forum has helped me think through a lot of things. I have shared my struggles and the struggles of many fine people about how we are perceived and communicated with by friends and acquaintances who notice our weight loss.

The following are things that have bothered us:

Didn't say anything about it, said I "lost a ton", said not to lose too much or my face would look bad, said they liked me better before, quit hanging out with me, got jealous, said I took the easy way out, and now that I'm slim they: are interested in me, talk to me, hit on me,.... why not before?

The list goes on, we get offended by just about any reaction or no reaction. On top of it all, we are even suspicious of good reactions. We are bugged by how they said it, when they said it, who was around when they said it, and why we think they said it.

The fact is that when we are bothered by people we take most of the unpleasantness into ourselves. The botherers are ordinarily oblivious to our conflict.

The other annoying fact is that people say and do stupid things because people are stupid. They only know and care to know so much and ride along on superficial comfort levels.

I will share what I learned about fighting. Idiots will try to goad you into a fight by insulting you. Because they say something bad they think they can make you react by getting involved with them in physical or verbal violence. What they don't know is that I refuse to get involved with people I don't like. Further, I don't respect idiots and don't care what they say about me or that other people hear what they say. Other idiots will lose respect for me for not fighting, intelligent people will lose respect for the idiot. Fights many times end with a wrestling match on the ground, way too intimate for me. I reserve my wrestling matches for people I love and then violence is not the objective. My violence is reserved for actual physical self defense and the defense of loved ones.

What's that got to do with it? You are in charge of your reaction. You don't have to be bothered, you don't have to retaliate. Know who and what you are, don't be brought down and manipulated.

Teach them a lesson? I charge for my teaching, (guitar), and then I don't teach people I don't like or that I think can't learn. I let fools be fools unless they truly want to learn.

If you want to live with peace inside you need thick skin. You need to let things bounce off of you, don't take them in and stew over them where they damage you. Forgive people because they are people, remembering that you, too, are people. We are all stupid in our own way even as we are beautiful in our own way. People don't know what to say to a fat person or an ex-fat person that will absolutely and in any circumstance not offend them. Mother Teresa couldn't handle such a task. We need thick skin so folks can talk to us.

The best advice I ever heard is to throw away your book of revenge.

Love love, hate hate.

Peace, my friends.

[Pinky Green 260]

Wow, I just recently had something like that happen and that was my thought entirely. My very best friend. The one that will come and pick you up on short notice after you get in a wreck and bail you out of jail. I went to her house and I excitedly told her that the shorts I was wearing were a size 12. And her response: "They look like they might be a large 12". I will completely forgive her because we have been friends forever and because of the aforementioned reasons. Also, most of the time she will give you her honest opinion when no one else will. However, her remark was not particularly encouraging. But then a few weeks later I told her I was down to 165 and she said "Great, that might even be less than me."

[gamergirl 4,609]

Loved what you had to say. Thank you!

I said a similar thing about raising kids. You do your best and it's quite possible they will complain because you were mean, because you weren't mean enough, because you got divorced, because you didn't get divorced, because they were an only child, because they weren't an only child....

You have to have conviction don't you?

[ribearty 544]

I hear you. I have been thin in the past. When I was in the hospital this week to have my EGD I told them my weight and was told you don't look like you weigh that and others at work have said you're not big enough to have weight loss surgery.

The other day at work a guy I was working with was talking about the contestants on The Biggest Loser and how by the end they were hotties. I told him I was going to be one of those people. I told him I currently had a band in and it prolapsed and was going to have a different surgery. He then says well why doesn't just exercise work, why did your band fail you. He then proceeded to tell me I was taking the easy way out. When I asked him why he thought this was the easy way, he said, "Well I'm basing it off what Al Roker said. Al said it was the easy way because of his job he didn't have time to work out." I then proceeded to tell him that just because you have weight loss surgery does not mean you will automatically lose the weight. You have to work at it. It is not like a magic wand is waved over you and poof you are thin." His last comment was the ultimate quote. He then says well I've never had a weight problem.

This reminds me of people who have never had a child but love to give you advice on how to raise your children.

If you haven't walked in the other person's shoes, you can't really give an informed opinion.

Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now.

[zenandnow 514]

My year and a half on the forum has helped me think through a lot of things. I have shared my struggles and the struggles of many fine people about how we are perceived and communicated with by friends and acquaintances who notice our weight loss.

The following are things that have bothered us:

Didn't say anything about it' date=' said I "lost a ton", said not to lose too much or my face would look bad, said they liked me better before, quit hanging out with me, got jealous, said I took the easy way out, and now that I'm slim they: are interested me, talk to me, hit on me,.... why not before?

The list goes on, we get offended by just about any reaction or no reaction. On top of it all, we are even suspicious of good reactions. We are bugged by how they said it, when they said it, who was around when they said it, and why we think they said it.

The fact is that when we are bothered by people we take most of the unpleasantness into ourselves. The botherers are ordinarily oblivious to our conflict.

The other annoying fact is that people say and do stupid things because people are stupid. They only know and care to know so much and ride along on superficial comfort levels.

I will share what I learned about fighting. Idiots will try to goad you into a fight by insulting you. Because they say something bad they think they can make you react by getting involved with them in physical or verbal violence. What they don't know is that I refuse to get involved with people I don't like. Further, I don't respect idiots and don't care what they say about me or that other people hear what they say. Other idiots will lose respect for me for not fighting, half way intelligent people will lose respect for the idiot. Fights many times end with a wrestling match on the ground, way too intimate for me. I reserve my wrestling matches for people I love and then violence is not the objective. My violence is for actual self defense and defense of loved ones.

What's that got to do with it? You are in charge of your reaction. You don't have to be bothered, you don't have to retaliate. Know who and what you are, don't be brought down and manipulated.

Teach them a lesson? I charge for my teaching, (guitar), and then I don't teach people I don't like or that I think can't learn. I let fools be fools unless they truly want to learn.

If you want to live with peace inside you need thick skin. You need to let things bounce off of you, don't take them in and stew over them where they damage you. Forgive people because they are people, remembering that you, too, are people. We are all stupid in our own way even as we are beautiful in our own way. People don't know what to say to a fat person or an ex-fat person that will absolutely and in any circumstance not offend them. Mother Teresa couldn't handle such a task. We need thick skin so folks can talk to us.

The best advice I ever heard is to throw away your book of revenge.

Love love, hate hate.

Peace, my friends. [/quote']

Great points, Gmanbat. Thanks for the wise reminder. Sometimes it's a struggle to just breathe deeply.....and let it go. But I am never sorry when I do so successfully!

[Kaj 88]

My year and a half on the forum has helped me think through a lot of things. I have shared my struggles and the struggles of many fine people about how we are perceived and communicated with by friends and acquaintances who notice our weight loss.

The following are things that have bothered us:

Didn't say anything about it, said I "lost a ton", said not to lose too much or my face would look bad, said they liked me better before, quit hanging out with me, got jealous, said I took the easy way out, and now that I'm slim they: are interested me, talk to me, hit on me,.... why not before?

The list goes on, we get offended by just about any reaction or no reaction. On top of it all, we are even suspicious of good reactions. We are bugged by how they said it, when they said it, who was around when they said it, and why we think they said it.

The fact is that when we are bothered by people we take most of the unpleasantness into ourselves. The botherers are ordinarily oblivious to our conflict.

The other annoying fact is that people say and do stupid things because people are stupid. They only know and care to know so much and ride along on superficial comfort levels.

I will share what I learned about fighting. Idiots will try to goad you into a fight by insulting you. Because they say something bad they think they can make you react by getting involved with them in physical or verbal violence. What they don't know is that I refuse to get involved with people I don't like. Further, I don't respect idiots and don't care what they say about me or that other people hear what they say. Other idiots will lose respect for me for not fighting, half way intelligent people will lose respect for the idiot. Fights many times end with a wrestling match on the ground, way too intimate for me. I reserve my wrestling matches for people I love and then violence is not the objective. My violence is for actual self defense and defense of loved ones.

What's that got to do with it? You are in charge of your reaction. You don't have to be bothered, you don't have to retaliate. Know who and what you are, don't be brought down and manipulated.

Teach them a lesson? I charge for my teaching, (guitar), and then I don't teach people I don't like or that I think can't learn. I let fools be fools unless they truly want to learn.

If you want to live with peace inside you need thick skin. You need to let things bounce off of you, don't take them in and stew over them where they damage you. Forgive people because they are people, remembering that you, too, are people. We are all stupid in our own way even as we are beautiful in our own way. People don't know what to say to a fat person or an ex-fat person that will absolutely and in any circumstance not offend them. Mother Teresa couldn't handle such a task. We need thick skin so folks can talk to us.

The best advice I ever heard is to throw away your book of revenge.

Love love, hate hate.

Peace, my friends.

Well said!!

[Mousesmom 90]

I so agree with you.

What I am finding is that I dont have time for these kind of people.