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Relationship woes, anyone?



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Trust me, my relationship has been on the rocks for years; but now at 7 weeks post-op I am being threatened with divorce. I am slowly gaining my confidence back and my optimism, but I can't se to fix this one. I guess my weight wasn't the root of all my issues. Anyone else go thru some tough times?

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Not me, but I'm real sorry your going through it. I hope you have support or will seek it out.

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I'm sorry to hear about that. A lot of relationships are tested after surgery. It can be jealousy, selfishness, insecurities, or other problems.

I've read a lot here about relationships post op and you aren't the only going through this.

Just know that this is the time for you to concentrate on yourself. Be selfish. Because in a few months when your looking great and feeling extremely confident your hubby will be begging you back but it might be too late because he'll have to get in the back of the line of all the guys knocking at your door. Good Luck!!!

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I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I'm almost four weeks out and I thought my husband was on board but yesterday he told me he wanted a divorce. he's been my best friend since the day I met him. we were inseparable. we had problems but always made it through. Im so hurt I can't see straight.

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This really shocked me but my doctor told me before I had surgery that a lot of people divorced after surgery.....I thought he meant ppl got confidence back and weren't afraid to leave an unhappy marriage but he said no....he said a lot of men want chubbier wives.... That blew my mind! Maybe as a control reason.... I don't think my hubby will mind! Crossing fingers! Maybe it's because it's a new chapter.... Weird!

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I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I'm almost four weeks out and I thought my husband was on board but yesterday he told me he wanted a divorce. he's been my best friend since the day I met him. we were inseparable. we had problems but always made it through. Im so hurt I can't see straight.

I am so sorry to hear that! I hope u know u have support here. At least we can't turn to our old friend, food! God I miss it right now!!!

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I feel that we have a happy strong marriage. We had serious talks about the changes. He is very supportive. Buying the items I need to get healthier. Etc.. So sorry that you are going thru this.

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So terrible! I think everyone fears this a little.... I know it has crossed my mind . I also know that it feels like any change in my partners affection would bother me to some degree.. If he is suddenly all over me - smothering me will I feel like he wasn't accepting of me a little heavier so why should I care now? Or if he is uninterested in me thinner- is he selfish and unsupportive? I guess it is tough- damned if they do or don't. I think its natural to have more confidence and be excited after weight loss .. but you are still YOU! To me it just says that the relationship was more superficial than you thought-- maybe time to just move forward to someone new. If the love of your life cant handle a little weight gain or loss -- it is my belief that it wouldn't have lasted anyways.. it would eventually have run its course even if you were still fat.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
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      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
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