I have taken a new profile for this thread because I think many of you would feel really let down by me though I am sure I will be called a coward for not facing up to this as the person you have come to know.

I was sleeved, all went well, I stuck to my diet and reached my goal. I have been on this site for sometime and have happily given and received advice from many great people. I am happy with the way I look and so are my loved ones.

So, where did I go wrong? Some time ago I started to have the occasional drink. Then 2 or 3. I now drink a bottle of Bacardi a day. I am not gaining weight but I enjoy it as much as I used to enjoy food. I want to stop but what would be next?

Please talk to your doctor or a counselor. Cross addiction is a huge threat to us. I pray that you get some help to work through this.

Like people keep saying ... this surgery is not on your head. We all have problems we deal with. Now that you don't have food to fall back on, you are focusing on something else. Now is the time to get some help to work thru why you have turned to alcohol. Sure, everyone here can offer advice, but what you need to do is put in the work and go get the help you need. I pray that you look for and find help. Get to the root of the problem.

I think a lot of us with weight problems have addictive personalities. If it's not food we go to for comfort, it's something else. Sometimes it can be healthy like drugs or alcohol, and sometimes people are able to transfer to a healthy addiction like exercise. I definitely think you should speak with an addiction therapist that can help you figure things out. I think we can all relate to how you're feeling.

Find a good support system. I couldn't have ever given up my own drug and alcohol addictions without my wife's strong influence. That also means not hiding your issue. That is exactly what your addiction wants you to do, hide it. That way no one can say "HEY STOP" because they don't know. Talk to people about it, tell everyone that you know is a safe and supportive person about your problem and enlist them to help you with it. This is a very real fight and you team an army not just yourself.

Good luck it can be fixed.

I'm sorry you are struggling with an alcohol problem sweetie but you shouldn't have to hide who you are for fear of judgement. If "we" judge you than you shouldn't take advice from us anyways. I understand being embarrassed or feeling like you failed but YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. Consuming that much alcohol that often is very dangerous. Part of the reason we all get surgery is because we want to be healthy. It's not worth it love to get surgery and lose all that weight if you are just going to pick up something else that's just as dangerous. I think if you went to therapy it would really help you, quite frankly I think the whole world needs therapy lol. But the reason I say therapy is because maybe there is an underlying issue that you aren't even aware of. I'm going to school to be a drug and alcohol counselor so I'm actually learning about all this. If you ever need to talk you can private message me and I WILL NOT judge you. Sometimes people don't even know what's bothering them or drawing them to have an addiction until they start talking to someone they can trust and then it all spills out.

Brain chemistry. I read a study that indicated that our brains are quite crafty at getting us to ingest sufficient calories to avoid perceived starvation. You need to be very careful about withdrawal. If you are using that much alcohol every day, you will need doctor supervised detox. Cold turkey without medical attention can be deadly to a heavy drinker. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

please don't be embarrassed! first all please seek help before alcohol does your body permanent damage. second of all your post is very important to all the members here as a reminder to be diligent about cross addiction. i wish you well...please get help!

Thank you for being brave enough to share how you're feeling - I think it's a good sign!! I would speak with your doctor to see where you should turn next. I wish you all the best.

Comfort.. It's why I ate. Numbing myself with each bite, from what? Past trauma? Disappointment? Boredom? Life? The answer? All of the above.

As you know a lot of us struggle with addictive personalities here. If you've been around here you've heard me talk about my problem with the pain meds at night, I started taking them in the evening ( the same time I did my best eating) long after I "needed" them.. I shocked myself because drugs or alcohol have never been a problem for me.

It's like an addiction is waiting around every corner just waiting for me some days. I've been sick this last week and had bad allergies to top it off. I have always stayed away from Benadryl because I have a bad drugged type reaction and then it knocks me out. Well a few days ago I got so desperate I took one, worked awesome! I went back for more the next night. Last night I couldn't find them, my husband took them. He said I know you just want to knock yourself out.... Was he right? Maybe.

We have additive personalities, and we are sneaky beings. So we are always looking for ways to fill that hole. My husband knew about the pain meds in the beginning because I told him. That's how he knew to take the Benadryl away and confront me on it. You need to do the same.

Shine a light on the problem, talk to a close family member, friend, and counselor. And us of course,

I talk about my daily struggles here, sometimes in real time as I am trying not to binge. It makes me sad that you can't come here as "you" because this does not take away from your successes and value here as a person, but I will respect your privacy.

Hmmm ... are you a success or failure ...

I can't speak for you, but I know I am neither ... I am human. An imperfect one, at that.

I am an alcoholic who has found others who have found a solution to their issues with alcohol abuse. It is a 12 step program you may have heard of. If not, Google 12 step alcohol. There are many meetings in cities around the world every hour of the day.

I found shame in admitting it at first, but after some time, similar to being sleeved, I have found that I can be of service to those in need, trying to reach out to others. I would love to discuss this further with you, if you are so inclined, but I cannot do this for you. No one here can tell you why you abuse alcohol just like no one here can tell you why you were obese. But I, and many others in your own city, can tell you what my issues were and how I found a solution which may work for you, if you are willing.

You may or may not be an alcoholic. Only you get to decide. I've known more than one person who could suck down a bottle of vodka, but wasn't an alcoholic. But I do know, for myself, I stepped over the line when I lost my power of choice in the matter.

Feel free to PM me, though, I think you may have already before ... right?

The only shame is not doing anything about it.

Definitely talk to an addiction counselor. I delayed my surgery for 10 months because less than 2 weeks before first scheduling, I had people begging me not to go thru with it. A relative of a close family friend was in the hospital dying of liver failure because she had cross addicted to alcohol because she could no longer eat to deal with her problems. She died at 32 years old leaving 3 kids behind. Obesity is an addiction just as serious as any other. If you don't deal with the problems that caused you to gain weight, you can transfer it very easily. Please, please don't wait to get some professional help. We don't want you to die.

Thank you everyone for the amazing support. I will PM those who welcome me to do so. I am really feeling a lot of guilt but I know I have to do something positive.

Thinking about you today... Check in if you can?

Hope all is well. Check in when you can.

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you!