I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Seems to be in the air. I finally took a couple vacation days and got called in to work today. When I got home it started raining and didn't stop until about an hour ago.

I hope you don't let it bother you too much. I think for a lot of people who have always been thin there just isn't a way to explain what a burden weight is and how empowering it is to be able to take control of it. I don't know if everybody will be able to understand it, but I would hope that those important to you can be excited for you and appreciative of how it's changed your life. Good Luck!

It is hard to eat with people who don't know about the band. At the

same time, I don't want to tell every person in my life. I manage to

work around that though.

Neveragain, I think it's kind of funny that you're a guy, and you're so

much younger than me, but yet we all have identical thoughts. You hang

in there. Chrispy is right. You deserve someone that is going to be

crazy about you. And look at the bright side. You have a lot of time to

find the girl you're looking for. Here I am at 54, and guys my age look

like little old men to me. :cry

Eileen, good luck with your surgery! Soon you'll be losing all sorts of weight.

I hope you love your band. Even though I haven't lost as much as I would like, I know I would be heavier by now, and I am thrilled to be down anything at all. I tried for so long without the band and only gained weight.

JC I can't believe you can ride that bike so far! That's amazing!

Chrispy, I can't wait for the next installment. At least someone is getting to go out on dates! Whoo HOO!:clap2:

I have a date today alright - with Harry Potter. lol. I just LOVE those books. lol.

So last night was date #3 with Mike, and again it went really well. No beach date this weekend, since the weather is not really cooperating. He is actually looking to put together a day trip next Saturday to Martha's Vineyard with a group of his friends. I hope we end up going, it would be a lot of fun I think.

But I took myself off match. Not so much because of Mike, but because I really felt like I needed a break from it all. It just kind of works out that I've started dating someone around the same time. If things don't work out for Mike and I, I'll probably still take a break from dating and just focus on myself some. I'm 16 lbs away from onderland and nothing would make me happier than if I were able to get there by my one year anniversary. I'll have to bust my butt to get there though, but I'm going to try!

Derby - I'm sorry your friends don't seem to quite understand why you did this and just how much of a part of our lives it now is. My friends and family are super supportive - I am very lucky. Although I know sometimes they probably wish I'd stop talking about it. lol. I can see how dating another bandster would make things easier, but I don't know of any bandster dating sites. lol. But hang in there girly. :car:

I didn't have a lot of control over "who knew" about my surgery. Every person in my office knew I had lap band when I returned to work the week after surgery. I only told one person and that was only because she was in charge of our insurance and vacation/sick time. And I told her not to tell. I was pretty ticked at her to say the least because, like many of you, I had no intentions of telling people. My co-workers knew before most of my family as it turned out. She even told one of my friends who had quit and moved a couple hundred miles away--and I was looking forward to telling her. I also found that my mom (who took care of me after surgery) couldn't keep her mouth shut, so even though I didn't tell hardly anyone...everyone knows!

JC, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels alone "out in the real world."

That said, I've adjusted pretty well. I knew when I started this that I would be doing it alone. I have had friends and family attempt to sabotage my dieting efforts in the past. So, I'm keeping my head up.

I write in my journal a lot and I've grown to really love my lap band support group every Tuesday, even though we are a relatively small group and most of the people are considerably older than me.

Chrispy, if your surgeon has a support group meeting, you might check it out for single guys. There's a big support group meeting in Fort Worth (about 25 miles from me)--I've heard about 100 people show up. (This may have been an exaggeration on someone's part, but it still sounds promising.) I haven't been because it's inconvenient for me, but I have considered reworking my schedule so I can check it out. The nurse told me that a lot of them go out together after the meeting.

That reminds me, the nurse also invited me to come talk at the support group meeting! I declined (I'm shy), but I was flattered to be asked.

What's everyone here into besides Harry Potter? What types of music, movies, etc.? Any unusual hobbies? Any spelunkers? Bingo champions? Ghost hunters?

HEY! That reminds me. Anyone watch Ghost Hunters this past week? That show about the Tate house was CREEPY!!! I was impressed!

:car:

Hey Everyone!!! I'm 22-almost 23- and a sorta- single bandster.... meaning for the first time in 5 years, I'm having date #2 with a super awesome guy tomorrow night. I'm what you call a serial first-dater, and never quite make it to date #2, so this is a BIG deal to me! The first date was a group date with him and his friends, and I admit- I met him on Craigslist ( I got tired of being single in MD, so I posted an add with LOTS of pics and he responded!), but everything has been great. He's smart- (Has a BS in Political Science) and cute (in a scruffy, needs help kinda way)... so we'll see... I go to college in NYC so coming home in the summers is hard to meet people.

I've never really had problems with self-confidence- just my self-worth... and trust me- its TWO COMPLETELY different things. I'm so girly- I can't leave the house without my hair and makeup done, and I always have my lip gloss on hand. I know how to work a room, and how to make new friends... my problem is that I have always surrounded myself with gay guy friends and never socialized straight guys..

I'm just now learning how to live life around straight guys and I'm having some sort of success!

Its hard though- I am so scared to let myself fall for someone when 1. I am more unsure about my body at a size 14 than I was at a size 24 and 2. I know I am leaving town in a month for school again... so its hard.

wouldn't it be weird to finally be one of those people we were so jealous of-- holding hands in a mall or something and being all couple-y and such? I would love to feel comfortable doing that- without alcohol, and without thinking I'm not good enough.

Ahh well, I'll let you know how date #2 goes... but for now, I'm still single!

Ok... I had 2 dates this weekend. The first was a disaster, I don't want to go into it, but let's just say I ended up alone at his apartment, and he ended up arrested... God it was crazy.

The 2nd was with a really good friend of mine whom I'm crazy about, but is going through a messy divorce and isn't looking for a girlfriend...

So yeah...

~*Ash*~

Hello from sunny, hot and humid Toronto!

Nothing much happening on my end. I had my first fill and my first blockage...I can now say I am no longer a banded virgin.:biggrin1: I am currently on vacation and catching up with my other single friends - none of them know I have been banded and I think I will keep this quiet for a while...I really don't want what's happened to Derbygirl to happen to me.

I go for my second fill on July 31 and in the meantime I'll enjoy being able to eat almost everything!

Take care everyone.

Carla

Welcome to all the new single bandsters! Yay! You are all so smart getting this done so young. I wish I had done it years ago!

Hey guys!

Derb--It's not all bad. I told my peeps that I work with.....For the more eyes are on me the more likely I am to succeed. AND! Now, I have a damn good reason to not listen to their "OH you can't just eat that!" Is that all you are going to eat?" blah blah.....they can ask me a few times now, if they want but it will be the same answer and they will STOP!

I want them to say "WoW look at her! What did she do? Oh yeah, she was LUCKY enough to do one of those weight surgeries, she looks great, damn, I wish I could do that!"

LOL

Good Attitude pigsrflying!

I'm just hoping my date tonight doesn't get all weirded out when I dont want popcorn or soda at the movies haha.... that I already have my water with me, and will only drink that... haha... we'll see...

I also hope I can let myself let go of my "fat" misconceptions and not feel embarrassed when he holds my hand and stuff... I feel some serious cuddling about to happen...

He won't mind that you don't want a drink or popcorn ,that's another 10 dollars in his pocket! lol

haha pigsRflying.... so we actually didnt eat or drink at all on the date and haven't discussed eating habits or anything yet.... so he still has no idea about my change in eating. He does know I go to the gym alot and actually so does he so thats one more thing in common... He doesn't have a sick pack or anything but he isn't fat- he probably has about 30 pounds to lose and he'll have a rock-hard body, but I'm not one to judge that anyway He is probably the NICEST guy I have ever met- he didn't he even try to kiss me again, but there was something there... Even before the date ended he asked me out on a third date, so something must have been going well! We went to see Transformers (I picked a guy movie so he would like it and he paid- even better haha) and then went to Dave & Busters (where I payed... hey- I like going dutch) and played video games and stuff... he won me a bear and I felt like I was 12 but I really liked it haha. He can't stop smiling around me but I don't know if thats because he likes to smile or because I'm that amazing- probably both hehe. I see him again tomorrow night... maybe that'll be the first kiss night- it better happen soon, I'm sick of waiting and about to give up hope!!

But then it might be a shame to have finally found an awesome board in which I totally relate to, and then become disqualified from being a part of it! So don't kill me for trying to date... until we talk, I'm still single !

But I am worried about him finally knowing... the real reason I dont drink beer when we're out...etc..

Awwww....congrats Leona! That sounds like a GREAT date!!! I think sparks are in the air. :car:

So last night he invited me over- apparently he couldn't wait til Thursday to see me :grouphug: Well let's just say I ended up spending the night and now I don't quite think I'm single anymore :confused:

But he still doesn't know about my lapband! maybe on our next solo date... tonight we are playing beer pong with his buddies again, so we'll just be drunken and probably not do too much talking.

Anyone have any advice on wearing the undercorset thing and being able to take it off before stuff starts happening? I felt awkward because my shirt wasn't my last layer haha- this is so embarrassing!