I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Hey friends!! Derick, Marcar - how are you guys doing? haven't heard from you in a while.

Neveragain - glad to see you back! I lived in Sierra Vista for a year (my brother was stationed at Ft Huachuca), and visited Tucson several times. I know what you mean too, about the time factor.. seems like I'm either busy at work, or trying to play catch up at home (chores, etc). Where would I fit in dates, etc? It's definitely a time commitment, but necessary if you are trying to find quality people. I too have lonely moments... I have family close by (Mom & Dad), but it's not the same as someone who finds you attractive and wants to be with you. OK, I have to stop now because I'm tearing up! Just wanted you to know, you're not alone. We may be a few years apart, but I can relate.

JC - I see your ticker moving down -- 7 lbs to goal!! You do deserve a reward - I can remember, back before you're last fill, when the furniture was in jeopardy of becoming your next meal. You've stayed focused and done an awesome job. Are you an electronics guy? there must be a gadjet you've had your eye on. Or better - plan a trip to knock off one of the items on your top 5! You deserve it!

Derbygirl - great news about the insurance paying for PS! You'll be a whole new woman 14 lbs to goal? Do you like the Dr you've chosen? How soon do you plan to have the surgery? Don't forget to take before and after pics, it's amazing the difference.

Denise - if you're working out regularly and reduced your portions I bet the fat your burning is being replaced with muscle. So, you probably see a difference in how your clothes are fitting but the scale is not moving because muscle weighs more. Just my opinion, but please don't be discouraged. If your following the bandster rules, your reward will come.

Chrispy, sad news about your friend. I hope you're doing ok, sounds like you have an interesting prospect.. any plans to meet again soon?

I have a friend who's going thru a difficult battle with breast cancer right now, the 1st round of chemo did not shrink the tumor at all. She recently started another 12 week round of chemo, much stronger medicine. But, she's amazing... very strong and extremely grounded in her faith.

Foxy - I missed your post, until now. I was banded in Oct 2005, and would do it all over again. At my highest weight I was 255, BMI 43.8 and I had pain in my joints (knees, ankles). I'm down 90 lbs, my goal is another 25-30. In my point of view it was a success, I've been able to maintain for quite some time. I don't go up and down on the scale anymore, have had no serious complications. Not sure what you meant about side effects. The band, when filled properly, seriously limits the amount of food you can eat. But, the struggle is often finding the right fill level (or "sweet spot"). Another issue some bandsters have is mourning food... you have to evaluate what role it plays in your life, the simple fact is it won't be a factor once your banded. It's possible there will be times when it seems you can't eat anything, except the bad stuff. My experience is that I can usually eat small portion of protein and vegetables, I've omited bread/rice/pasta completely. And, if I have desert it's a small serving -- way less than pre-band.

All the best,

Karla

Hey Karla, thanks!

I just finished a 50 mle bicycle ride on the Witlacooche trail. I feel like I have been beat up. The guy I rode with has about a 15 mph pace and I, a 10-12 mph. I held tight for 44 miles so I consider it a successful ride I guess.

I think I will look at my hopefully upcoming plastic surgery as a reward. I have submitted a refferal and letter of medical necessity. I am just waiting approval.

JC

Karla, so sorry to hear about your friend! It takes so much strength and courage to fight cancer. I will keep your friend in my prayers.

Neveragain, it took me a long time to get to the point where I am, after years of feeling like you do. The only advice I can give you is to look for happiness within yourself first. And sometimes happiness is a choice. Do I have all I'd hope to out of life at this point? No. But I choose to be happy. We are only given so many days on this earth and I'd rather spend them focusing on the things I do have, rather than focusing on what I don't. And I've also decided to only focus my attention on the guys who are just as into me as I am into them. I spent too many years giving my love away to people who never returned it. So my advice on Jayne is to just let her be and focus on finding someone who can see how great you are. You deserve someone who is going to love you back 100%.

For those who asked, my next date with Mike is tonight. I'm going to hop in the shower right now. I'll let you know how it goes.

Hey Guys,

My name is Eileen and I am SWF, 37 yrs old living north of Boston. I am about to be banded one week from tomorrow and I am experiencing ANXIETY BIG TIME! I would like to date and I don't know how the hell to explain the band surgery. I am having some anxiety regarding people's opinions. ARGH!!! I know, first things first....I need to get through the surgery first.

Eileen, Welcome to LBT! Glad you found our singles thread!

Sounds like you and Chrispy are in the same neck of the woods!

Being a bit anxious is normal, it's a bit of an unknown experience for you. If you follow your Dr's pre/post surgery instructions and diet you should be fine. We're here for you if you have questions.

I was banded in Oct 2005 and to this day managed to tell only a few family and friends. As time goes by I've been a bit braver, in the beginning I was afraid of failing. The great news is I've been at able to maintain for the past 3 months, and even though I'd like to lose another 25-30 lbs people continue to tell me I'll waste away if I lose anymore.

Personally, I think they're threatened when they see people taking control of their weight battles... and they are scared of WLS. It can make such a huge change in our lives, something not everyone is ready for.

When you start dating, I think you'll have a sense of when to explain your surgery to the people you date. Obviously it's something I live with, but I don't want it to be the only thing they focus on. I'd rather someone get to know me for who I am and the qualities I posess, than the # of pounds I used to weigh. Sometimes people can't get past their preconceived notions of "overweight" people. I'll probably explain when the relationship gets more intimate.

Now, I just got to get out there and start meeting those fellow singles!

All the best,

Karla

Boston chic, there's no reason to tell your date you are banded until you know them a little better. Or anyone else for that matter. Who cares what other people think. If you have a serious weight issue, the lapband is a wonderful life-long solution.

Karla, I'm not that close to my goal. The ticker on my sig line reflects a short-term goal, actually. I wanted to be a certain weight by my birthday, but it doesn't look like it's gonna happen. That's okay though because I never dreamed I would come so far so fast.

bostonchic I struggle with the same thing. I told someone on our second date once, because I got a little tipsy and it was the first guy I really dated afterwards. lol. He didn't really think it was a big deal, but he was a bigger guy. I still get worried what a think, fit guy would think but then I say to myself that this is part of me now, and a big part of my life. The guy will either accept me as I am, or he can hit the road. Plain and simple.

So I had date #2 with Mike last night, and no - I didn't tell him about the band. lol. It was GREAT! He is sooooo cute I have to tell you. And we shared a nice little kiss at the end of the night and there were definitely butterflies. I'm leaving tonight for camping with my family, and then he invited me to the beach with him and his friends next Sunday. I actually think I'm going to go. Can you imagine that?? Me, in a bathing suit on a 3rd date - in front of friends nonetheless. OMG! lol. Oh well, again it is what it is and I can't spend my life hiding. Granted I will not be taking off my sarong to save my life but I think I should just go for it. I'm crazy, huh? lol

Chrispy, I am so happy for you! That's great news!

Karla is the only one that has the amount of her fills posted. I am wondering if I got another fill if I would start losing. I don't see how it would help because I eat about 2/3 c of food at each meal. How much less are we supposed to eat? Two bites?

Hello to all:

Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the summer. Haven't posted in a while - busy at work and home. This summer I have a lot of weddings, christenings, showers etc. I have seen more restaurants and banquet halls than I care to admit and it's not over :faint:. That's what happens when you come from a big Italian family. Today I had my fist fill (4cc) and today I'm only on liquids. I'll see what happens tomorrow when I start on solids again. Tomorrow is also my last day at work and then I'm on vacation until the 30th of July. Nothing much planned - I'll be doing a couple of small overnight trips (Niagara Falls and Thousand Islands) and I'll vegetate in my backyard for the rest of the time. That's all the news at my end.

Have a great week everyone.

Carla

Hey guys,

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I have decided not to get into heavy conversations with people especially men right now regarding the band. I have 3 more days til surgery and I am trying to get everything in order. I appreciate you all sharing your experiences. I hope that I will be able to offer some words of wisdom in this arena when the timing is right. Please say a prayer for me that everthing goes smoothly on Monday.

God Bless and I will check in hopefully Tues or Wed when I get back on my feet.

Eileen

PS - quick question, how to you attach the tickler to your posts?

I have told a guy I've been dating on and off for years about the band and he does not "get it" at all. In fact, I find that most people don't get it, including people really close to me that I confide in all the time. It's annoying. I often feel like this is the only place I can talk openly and honestly without being judged.

Either people think the band is no big deal and they don't understand that you've had to make a huge, stressful lifestyle change. Or they think it qualifies me for a freak show. Or they get annoyed when I get upset over losing "only 5 pounds" in a month and get in my face about how they only lost 2.

I'm starting to think that I should be looking for someone banded because nobody understands me. Plus, then we could share an entree!

LOL

That's really strange...I really haven't had that experience. I wonder if it's because your a woman (ya'll can be pretty mean to each other lol) or if it's something else. How do you present "the band" to others...do you describe as something you love (in a very confident way is what I mean) or are you real timid and looking for acceptance? If it's the latter, they could be reacting to the way you present it to them (or they are all just a bunch of shallow and/or stupid people..which is of course a possiblity in this day and age). Come on down to Texas...everybody's nice (at least the ones who were born here:) ).

I am in Texas.

Hey DerbyGirl, I can relate.

Is it just me or has it been very quiet around here on this thread?

JC

Well, I think Chrispy is the only one actually dating at this point.

What's that leave for the rest of us to say?

"Ummm. Today I went into work on my day off because Legal screwed up again. After blowing the whole morning there, I visited my parents and their new puppies. Left there, went to B&N and picked up a copy of the latest Harry Potter. Came home, cleaned house, surfed internet."

Yeah. That's exciting :car: