I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Thanks Denise, I will give it a try.

JC

Leona I would maybe suggest having the 'since we're sleeping together' talk, whereas since we're sleeping together I need to feel comfortable knowing that you're not sleeping with anyone else. This will usually bring up some sort of conversation. It will either be the "ok, I can do that" conversation or the "of course not, silly" conversation. Two very different reactions and two very different relationships. The first is we're "dating" and the second is we're "boyfriend-girlfriend". My married friends laugh and say it's splitting hairs but I've been in both relationships before and they are very different with different expectations. So use that as a way to bring up the conversation, then just be honest. If you want him to be your boyfriend, tell him. Guys like affirmation just as much as us girlies do. That's my two cents.

JC hon, take care of yourself. You're getting me worried over here.

Thanks Chrispy, I'm trying. I am going to do my best to shutdown early tonight, but I am kinda excited. I received the underground railroad map set today. It looks like I can get to Evansville Indiana from that trail and maybe ride up 41 to three oaks Mi. to get to the Apple Cider Century Ride.

JC

April... have you had enough protein? That will keep you fuller longer... also try to distract yourself with something really important to take you mind off of the liquids...

just imagine yourself skinny... visualize it and the liquids will seem like nothing in the big sceme of them!

Thanks for the suggesstions I will try that, I am going to get a protein shake instead of the Slim fast which has only 10g of protein in it, my mom said she has some protein powder that has 44g in it. I am going to try that and see if I like it and if it works. I have lost another 5 lbs though...yeah!!! And that was after a little cheating yesterday...My pre-teen daughter and I had a girls day out and went to 2 movies and dinner together something I don't get to do with her very often with my finances and work schedule. But I did my liquids all day like normal before going out and resumed it this morning....which a big step for me, usually when I cheat it's over I just give up all together.

Low Carb Slim Fast has 20 g's of protein and only 4 carbs!!

I use a protein mix that some powerlifters have put together. I also use their carbo drive and liquid glutamine. www.gearmannutrition.com I know I know it is 1:45 am and here I am wide awake. I think I know what happened. It should be sleep city tomorrow!

JC

HaHa Chrispygal...you have sooo much knowledge with this dating stuff... where's your knight? He's gonna be one LUCKY guy!

Ok, I have had a fever of 101 or higher for 2 days so I haven't seen him, but he has called me and we've talked for more than 3 hours in those 2 days just about mundane stuff... stuff during the day, a bit of history about ourselves and somehow during that I started to really possibly see a future- That maybe this wasn't just a "we're sleeping together" relationship...

We are going out to dinner tonight before we head out with his friends, so I think it'll be a great time to talk about it... whew this is TRUELY uncharted territory for me!

So thanks Denise and Chrispy! We'll see how it turns out. I can't believe I am putting my heart out like this, I am normally SO reserved with it, and am TOTALLY breaking my rule of not dating in Maryland so it makes it easier to leave and I don't become attached to something here. It's hard enough that my parents are here.

Updates later!

It's becoming obvious that I'm hopelessly out of touch. That's to be expected, coming out of a 10 yr marriage and 3 years of dating before that.

How on earth does one meet other singles when you're almost 40? Work is out thanks to all the harassment minefields, I don't bother with church, and the clubs all have the 20something kids in there.

Fortunately I'm spending the next year focusing on me and getting in better shape physically and mentally, but I'm trying to think ahead.

Suggestions?

If you find the answer Manatee, clue me in. I live in a small town and it's really hard to meet new people.

Manatee,

If you give it a fighting chance, online dating sites could possibly work- I've met a lot of nice guys on there... but be careful, I've also met a ton of crazies! Match.com.... eharmony... try the big sites- they seem to have less crazies!

BTW, I ate in front of Matt!!! haha I had a salad-- it was hard to watch him eat half of a personal pizza and 3 sodas, but I felt good about not doing that in front of him. It was the first night I stayed over and didn't do anything besides cuddling... and it was really nice. Still haven't had that talk yet about possibly being exclusive, but somehow I think we both know that we are.

Just keep swimming~ (Nemo quote, sorry...but its a good movie!) I now really believe that there is someone out there if you are ready for it... and if you're not, you can learn from all of your mistakes!

You guys are awesome- I wish I would have found this thread EARLIER before I had been banded a year+... but I'm glad I've found you guys now!

HaHa Chrispygal...you have sooo much knowledge with this dating stuff... where's your knight? He's gonna be one LUCKY guy!

Haha Leona, that's because I'm a serial dater. Plenty of dates, a whole mess of relationships, but alas no true love yet. lol.

Things are going well with Mike though. Every time I see him I realize more and more how cute he is, how nice he is, and how much I'm attracted to him. I could really fall for this one. That makes me a little nervous, so I'm just taking it day by day. Mike was out with some friends last night and called me. He was a little tipsy and started saying some interesting things. First he said something about me being his girlfriend, and then a friend of his asked if he had to answer to me and his reply was "I'm 32 and if I don't start having to answer to someone soon I'm going to be single forever." I'm laughing hysterically about this and all I could say was, I don't expect you to answer to me, and then he told me it was a good thing and he wanted to. So I don't know - maybe we need to have the talk too Leona. lol

Chrispy, it sounds like you're having a blast. I'm happy for you. I'm envious too!

JC, I'm assuming you haven't been able to work out like you were? You think it's just pent-up energy keeping you awake?

Try doing something very mentally exhausting. For me that would be, like, teaching my parents anything computer-related. Do you have young kids in the family near you? Treat them to a day out with Uncle JC. Go to Chuckie Cheese and the park and maybe the zoo. You will sleep for a day and a half afterward. The next day you'll wake up cheery and rested...and you'll probably start researching a vasetomy.

Hehe.

DerbyGirl, I am currently trying to recover from the mental vasectomy that you just gave me. LOL

Somone on another thread made a comment that got me thinking, it dawned on me that I was pounding the coffee pot hard at work. When I counted them up I realized I had been knocking down about 20 cups a day!! I quickly fixed that! Thanks for the concern and for the record I am staying the heck out of Chukie Cheese!

JC

I have a question for anyone who would like to answer it. When did you think of dating again? Was it before or after, and if after how long after your surgeries. I am not banded yet (probably not for another 2 months, and even though I left my personal ad active on yahoo and match.com I feel funny about going on with my life as far as meeting someone, in this current stage. Even though I feel like my biological clock is ticking away. I feel like I need to get a move on to find someone to enjoy spending time with. I would really like to have more children someday and I am definitely not getting any younger...I don't know what to do!!! Did anyone else experience any feelings like this too?

I never stopped thinking about dating. I have been online at all the dating sites, and there are so many people on there that say they are looking for someone thin and trim, that I just don't see anything happening for me until I am closer to goal weight. Have you considered the possibility of placing an ad on one of the sites for bbw?

I already have kids, so maybe Chrispy would be better to answer this for you.