I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

<p>Derick</p> <p><p>I don't know if this is anything that will help you. However, I am putting dating and all that stuff on hold until I feel better about ME! This will help my fragile self esteem and heart. I think it's almost like in AA they tell people not to get into a relationship for 6 months after they have started their treatment. I think I am going to wait that long until after I start feeling better about myself. Just my plan of action. I don't want anything to interfere with this.</p></p>

Derick it is tough to date, no question about it. And people can be very shallow. Dating is hard, and it's a lot of work most of the time. But sometimes you just have to dust yourself off and get back out there. I used to take things so personally in dating, and would blame everything on my weight. I changed my attitude a bit and feel that I can't make anyone like me, and I'm not just going to settle for those who do if I don't like them back. Dating is a game of numbers, so the more I can get out there and date, the more of a chance I have to meet someone I really connect with. And if I don't connect with someone, that's ok. There are plenty of people I thought were wonderful, nice, attractive people but I didn't feel that "spark". I can only assume there will be times when the same thing happens in reverse.

All that being said, I also see nothing wrong with taking a break and focusing on yourself, kind of like PigsRFlying is saying. I think it's so important to become comfortable with yourself and to build your confidence. That comes through when you're dating. So I guess Derick it's really up to you if you want to take yourself "off" the market. Either way just keep your chin up and know that you WILL meet the right girl for you! Dating is a complete pain in the ass, but it's a necessary evil.

I am tired of looking for relationships, dealing with shallow women and being shot down. I am tired of doing the work for nothing or very little.

Maybe I should just wait until I am considered "normal" by society's standards.

Any thoughts?

umm...yea i have some thoughts!!!!

umm...yea i have some thoughts!!!!

sorry women are so shallow to you...

Chrispy, you have a great attitude about dating.

Derick, there are a lot of shallow people out there, men and women. And, I think everyone in here can relate to what you're saying since we all have the same issue. The last few years it seems like the only socially-acceptable things to make fun of are smokers and fat people.

In an effort to find acceptance in the past, I have checked out the BBW/BBW Admirer dating scene and was disappointed to find out that the girls, for the most part, were total sluts. I have an (ex)friend who has been involved with a couple of those groups over the years, and I've heard some pretty appalling stories that made me turn and run the other direction. And, I am no prude.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Since I had a band adjustment on Saturday, I didn't get out and do much of anything. It's awkward being out with other people when you're on liquids and soft foods.

Good evening to all:

I read your posts and realized that no matter where we come from all us single people have the same issues. I would love to join this thread so I'm going to tell you a little about myself:

I'm 47 years old, never married, kissed many frogs but none turned into my prince. I live in Toronto, Canada and enjoy reading, aquafit and travelling.

Looking forward to sharing experiences with you all.

Welcome Marcar, glad you posted!

Hi Derick, I agree with Chrispy 100%. Try not to take the non-interest personal, it's too bad they don't take the time to get to know you. I'm sure you're a great fella!

I can understand the frustration - sounds like you're trying to find a nice girl. At your age (12 yrs ago) I had the same problem, I was overweight and had trouble drawing interest... but I was also a bit introverted and unsure of myself, so I probably wasn't putting out the vibes that attract the right sorts of people. I joined a Young Adult Group thru a local church and got involved in the activities they planned... there was something every weekend - movies, bowling, concerts, etc. We even went on a ski trip to Breckenridge together. A group of about 12 of us have remained friends to this day... two of the couples in our group met at these events and later married. But, it was a great way to meet people -- you just attend the events you enjoy & eventually you meet people and begin friendships.

Don't give up. Instead of looking for a relationship now, make it a point to go out and have fun with friends and acquaintances you like to spend time with. You're bound to meet other people thru your friends and the fun places you decide to go.

I'm not sure what society considers "normal" anymore... but, don't paint yourself in that box. You've done an awesome job, 148 lbs down is a HUGE accomplishment. At 332, I don't see why you can't expect to attract a FLY lady

Get out there and try to make those ladies think outside their box! Show them what a great personality you have and what they would miss out on if they don't take the time to get to know you.

Sorry - just call me 'Head Cheerleader'... can't be a Mom without trying to make everything seem brighter and with endless possibilities.

marcar35 - HELLO! Welcome to the group I agree - as singles we share so many similar issues. We can connect on the weight struggle as well. Toronto sounds like fun, have you always lived there? How is the dating scene? Are other singles more approachable, or does it seem as difficult as we find it?

Wishing you all the best, happy hump day!

Karla

marcar35 - HELLO! Welcome to the group I agree - as singles we share so many similar issues. We can connect on the weight struggle as well. Toronto sounds like fun, have you always lived there? How is the dating scene? Are other singles more approachable, or does it seem as difficult as we find it?

Wishing you all the best, happy hump day!

Karla

Hello Christpygal and Karla:

Thanks for your warm welcome.

Toronto is a great city but the dating scene is the same as everywhere else. How many of us have gone to nightclubs/bars and watched the guys holding up the walls?

I was born in Italy and moved to Toronto when I was 13 years old. I've lived here ever since (with the exception of 4 years when I moved to Montreal for work reasons). I love Toronto, it's a beautiful multicultural city filled with single people and yes it can be great fun - but finding your soulmate is as difficult as any other big city.

Karla - we have something else in common - a name!!!

All the best - Carla

Did anyone see that show Big Medicine? It's about weight loss surgery. The last one was about a girl that got down to goal weight after having RNY. Then she had plastic surgery and she looked great. She is 30 years old and has never been out on a date. She says she doesn't know how to act around men. She still has very low self esteem from being overweight her whole life.

It was pretty interesting.

I am so Fired up this morning!!

Checkout the Diet Ticker!!!!!!!!!! The scale is my friend this week.

That couch 2 5k program is kickin!!!!!!!!

JC

Denise, yes I love BigMedicine! I tivo it every week. I think they are finally having someone with the band on it soon too. It's a great show to watch - always reminds me of why I had weight loss surgery.

JC that is awesome! Way to go. But, uh, tone it down a bit. You can't weigh less than I do! haha Just kidding. I've heard great things about the couch to 5k program.

So what a week it's been for me. I lost my friend to Ovarian Cancer on Tuesday morning after a long, tough battle. I think I've been home all of an hour since Monday. It was so hard to see her suffering, so I'm happy she's at peace now. During all this I met a guy, while I was on my dating "break", and we've been trying to meet up all week, but I have to keep canceling on him. lol. He's been so understanding and seems soooooo nice. We talk on the phone every day for at least an hour, and I think his pics on the computer are cute, so I'm actually getting hope up for this one. That's dangerous though. I try not to spend too much time getting to know someone on the phone before I meet them because it can just build things up too much. But hey, what's meant to be is meant to be so we'll see how it goes. I'm going on vacation next week but we're planning on meeting up before I leave, so I'll let you know how it goes. Man, a week without computer access. I'm not sure I'll make it! lol

Chrispy, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! Hang in there!

Good luck with the new guy. It always seems to happen when you least expect it or want it, doesn't it?

I watch Big Medicine, too. I love it.

JC, congrats! How exciting! Is there a reward for when you reach goal?

Chrispy, I'm sorry about your friend but excited about the new guy. Keep us posted.

Not much happening here this week. The scales aren't budging!

Thanks everyone, this last go round was tough. I thought I was going to stay stalled for a while and am charged up at breaking the plateu.

Derbygirl I haven't thought of a reward, any suggestions?

Chrispy, I am sorry for your loss, I lost both parents to cancer. I only remember my Dad's illness, it was strange I was so relieved that he was no longer in pain and at the same time I missed him so bad when he was gone. My prayers are with you.

I will try slow down the weight loss so you can stay ahead.

JC