Scared Straight! New Dad/husband, Thinking About Vgs- Please Help!

[rxkid2384 28]

Hi everyone, first off...thanks for your time, thoughts, and input in advance. I really appreciate it.

I am seriously thinking about the VGS. My PCP and Weigth Doctor both think I should get it. I am the biggest I've ever been my entire life. I currently weigh 370lbs.

As stated up above, my wife and I just had a baby and she will be 8 months on the 16th. She is my pride and joy. I love her so much. she is my heart. I want to do this for her. My wife, family, and myself included. However my baby will be my motivation.

Which brings me to my next concern. I am so scared and afraid that I will have a serious complication during surgery. I am afraid that something really bad will happen-like death. I don't want to leave my baby and family. I could go without food for the rest of my life. i just don't want to die or having something else seriously happen. overrall i'm generally in good health. My blood pressure is fine and my cholesterol is low believe it or not. I don't have diabetes or anything-just some asthma and sleep apnea. I am trying my best to eat right and walk now. my plan/goal is to lose at least 25lbs before my surgery. i want the surgeon to have plenty of room in there. I also want my heart to be stronger for the surgery. I am just a worried wort is all. I plan on getting it done at the "#1 Hospital in the Nation-2012"

so i think i should be fine. i'm just really nervous. but i know the life i'm living is now with all this weight is not healthy or good. i think i can be a better dad, husband, family member and friend if i lost weight and was healthy. that way i could be around a lot longer for them. any thoughts ideas suggestions, input is greatly appreciated. thanks for listening.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Having a child is a strong motivator to live and to be healthy. No one can deny that you take a gamble either way, but you have to decide which risk is greater....possible death on the operating table, or a shortened life span due to obesity.

Following the pre and post op diets will certainly reduce (but not eliminate) your risks of complications.

[Donny 270]

Welcome! I started very similar to you. I was 385 when I went for my first appointment, I am 6'4". I am identical to you in health aspects you stated. and I weighed 345 on Monday, when I had my operation. I have had 0 complications and an extremely easy road to recovery. Haven t even cracked my pain meds! I understand your concerns, and the complication rate is very low and you seem liked you would be going in fairly healthy. Always keep in mind the fact you may not be able to keep up and play with your daughter and the unfortunate statistic of how people suffering obesity pass away younger then usual. I don't mean to be depressing about the last part but your quality of life could be so much better with the surgery!

[suepeeps 230]

Any surgery has the risk of complications. Getting on an airplane has risks of crashing...

Having this surgery will change your life so much! just think of the things you will be able to do with your daughter after losing the weight. Be sure to research your Dr and see what kind of track record they have. Follow all of their instructions and hopefully all will go well. Most of all, keep a POSITIVE attitude throughout. It makes a huge difference!

Good luck to you

[lollyfidy1965 402]

Well...I don't know if you could be a "better" dad, friend, husband, etc...but you could certainly be a HEALTHIER one!! Good for you, for making the decision to live a healthier, LONGER life, for your baby!!! (And for all the other reasons, too!) Even though you currently don't have much in the way of co-morbidities, it really is just a matter of time. Getting your weight under control BEFORE things go in the toilet is a great plan! (I was "pre-diabetic" prior to my surgery, and had beautifully normal fasting glucose, and HgbA1c, at my 3 month post-op check!)

Regarding your fears....which are perfectly normal to have...look at the statistics. You are much less likely to have a serious complication from this surgery than you are to die from complications from diabetes, if you don't get the weight off. (Not to mention other potential health risks related to morbid obesity....heart disease, etc.) Even if you have a "complication" after surgery, it is much more likely to be something minor (example....I had excessive inflammation in my sleeve, immediately following surgery, and ended up with an NG tube in for an additional 4 days, and stayed in the hospital a total of 6 days. An inconvenience? Yes. Horrible?? Not so much.)

Odds are, you will be just fine....and then you'll be so much better, as you start dropping weight!!! You'll be able to play with your little girl, as she gets older. You'll be able to grow old with the woman you love. And you'll be able to cry, as you walk your lovely daughter down the isle, as she goes off to start her own life!

I wish you all the best, and great success!

Laura

[IsB 209]

The risks of having a serious complication from staying 370 pounds are a lot greater than the risks of surgery.

[alisha29 22]

You have a greater risk of dying in a car accident during your morning commute to work, but I doubt you will stay home and stop working...why? Because you need to support your family. The same is true of the surgery. Doing it will help support your family. It is hard to get a good life insurance policy when you are morbidly obese. Think about how much your life means to them, and realize that fear is keeping you from giving them your best!

Prayers for you as you consider changing your life!

[notime 340]

What the other posters have said.

Welcome and please bring your questions to the site (and your doctor, of course). It is very normal to have some fear along the way to surgery but being able to express that fear and get answers to your questions helps a lot..

[rxkid2384 28]

wow. thank you all so very much! from the bottom of my heavy heart, i can't thank you all enough for taking the time out to help me. i agree, being at my current weight is really dangerous for my health. And i know it's really risky to be this big. probably more of a risk than the surgery, you're correct. what about eating and drinking? does everyone wait 30 minutes before or after a meal to drink something? how small are the portions? can you eat 1/2 a burger etc? how about coffee, soda, beer, or regular alcohol ? can you have any. i know i shouldn't want any of these things, i'm just curious. I am trying to eliminate them all from my diet as we speak, including, chinese food, pizza, all soda (including diet) and chips and ice cream! any additional tips is appreciated. thanks again and God Bless you all !!!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

You are right to be concerned, there are risks to this surgery and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I would also like to point out that while you may be relatively healthy now, you are healthy until you aren't. Many of us felt like we were healthy fat people and then overnight all these issues started showing up. Being so overweight ages you before your time. I am only 48 but have wrecked knees due to the decades of lugging all this fat around.

None of us can tell you what to do, but I think I would have been a better parent had I been closer to a normal weight when my kids were growing up. They never said it, but I am sure it was embarassing to have a 250-300# mom. I did play with them, but didn't have much stamina. As the years went on, I was exhausted all the time. I have regrets about that, I really do.

Having said all that, do your research, realize that one of the risks is that you may not make it to goal. Lots of sleevers wind up losing 60-80% of their excess weight - is that "good enough" for you? I decided that it is, but I am also working very hard to beat those percentges, but I just think people should go in knowing the stats.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

After you are fully recovered there are very few things across the board that you can't have. But your weightloss honeymoon will only last so long so you should take full advantage of it by cutting out all those things you mentioned. Once you reach goal, having the occasional 1/2 cheeseburger isn't going to hurt you.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

In answer to some specifics - yes I follow the drinking/eating rule because I want to be successful

Portion size varies, early on they are tiny tiny but as your pouch matures you can and will eat more. I will be a year out in Dec and I still eat using a small teaplate. A half a sandwich is a huge meal for me. I often have a half sandwich without the bread. I think I ate half a burger once, but took one of the Buns off. My nutritionalist pounded me in the head over and over again that maintaining small portion sizes at meals combined with not grazing are the two most important things to never forget for long term success.

I don't drink soda as it is toxic and fizzy, I don't drink beer because it is fizzy. I have had the occasional glass of wine and even a cosmo with no problems.

Eliminating what we call slider foods is a key success factor. chips for example, go down WAY too easy both presurgery and after. Slider type foods combined with grazing (eating all day) are two good ways to "fail" with the sleeve. The thing of it is, when you are eating so little, it needs to be really nutritious food for your health. Dense Protein first followed by veggies, followed by complex carbs (whole grains, etc). Junky carbs need to go away.

You are asking the right questions!

wow. thank you all so very much! from the bottom of my heavy heart, i can't thank you all enough for taking the time out to help me. i agree, being at my current weight is really dangerous for my health. And i know it's really risky to be this big. probably more of a risk than the surgery, you're correct. what about eating and drinking? does everyone wait 30 minutes before or after a meal to drink something? how small are the portions? can you eat 1/2 a burger etc? how about coffee, soda, beer, or regular alcohol ? can you have any. i know i shouldn't want any of these things, i'm just curious. I am trying to eliminate them all from my diet as we speak, including, chinese food, pizza, all soda (including diet) and chips and ice cream! any additional tips is appreciated. thanks again and God Bless you all !!!

[JerseyGirl1979 4]

You have to have faith! You will be ok! You will live longer and healthier! I too am scared but... I figure with my weight I am already dying... This will make me live longer and healthier... Look forward to it and your fears should start to fade.

[kyllfalcon 768]

We all experienced the same doubts and fears you are having. Just keep thinking, studying, researching. It takes a little time to come to grips with the drastic lifestyle change and the risks inherent in any surgery, not just this one. For me it was a gradual process to work through the fears, but I did, and I have only one regret... that I didn't know of this procedure sooner.

[iggychic 1,405]

Are you having your sleeve at Mass General?