Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

You Should Really Get Professional Help!



Recommended Posts

I should have also explained the context of the questions as well. The post I saw this morning the OP stated that she had cheated on the medifast diet and someone told her she needed therapy. In my case I said I was a chronic over eater and wanted to know how the sleeve would help me. Both responses were "you need to seek professional counseling to deal with your issues with food." I am not talking about people who are sincerely offering help by saying' date=' "I too had this issue, I saw a therapist and it really helped me. You might want to try that." See the difference? One is not trying to help but offer a blanket judgement and the other is really offering heart felt advice.[/quote']

Exactly, it makes a huge difference in the way you post your response. In one sense, it sounds like you have gone from being an overweight person to a qualified expert telling me because I asked one simple question, I need therapy. But when you share your own personal experience, say this is what happened to me and how I dealt with it, suddenly the person is not judging you, they are empathizing with you and that makes all the difference in the world.

The written word has much power, and we need to be careful how we utilize that power.

Sent from my iPad using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've only made suggestions of therapy only because I'm in therapy myself,,and it has helped..me. I think most have to go through a psychological eval anyway so whether I suggest it or someone else does,,more than likely they will see a psych if they want the surgery. I agree,,it's all in the words and how you say it. I certainly don't want to offend anyone. This is a place to come for information,,sometimes it comes in the form of advice from experience and sometimes from opinion,,you just have to be open minded enough to accept it and try not to be so uptight over it. I learned that here after being smacked down a couple times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hey Gustavo I have nothing nasty to say to you! Infact' date=' I appreciate your post. I have actually read many of your past post and appreciate your advice. My point is that it is frustrating to ask a question on these posts and have certain people who feel "you need therapy to deal with YOUR food issues" is a bandaid answer to any question. I have no problem with therapy at all. I just feel judged when that is the advice I get. That's all. I am sorry if I offended you.[/quote']

I think you are jumping to conclusions and need to do some apologizing. I read that thread and didn't see that you were quoted in the need for help lines which means they weren't directed at you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Making suggestions and telling people what to do are very different things. I've never told anyone on here what to do. I can't make anyone do anything. If someone doesn't want solicited or unsolicited suggestions, they don't have to take it. I never said I was a medical professional just because I had surgery. If no one is allowed to give advice, then why does this forum exist?

And I'm sorry, but I don't like to be called a "pot calling a kettle black."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Absolutely, this is a support forum. I am not saying we shouldn't offer advice or support when asked for, that is why we exist. But, sometimes people read a lot more into a post than necessary, and as all people are different and react differently to different things, we need to be conscious of how we say things. Just because someone asks when can they have Doritos does not automatically mean they need counseling. They may just genuinely be curious when they can have one. Most likely, they already know it isn't exactly a healthy choice, but maybe it is something they wish to have as a nice treat on occasion. Can you imagine how frustrated they would be if a simple question they asked suddenly turns into a major debate about whether they need counseling, shame on them for wanting a treat or whatever? They just wanted to know when, lol.

Again, so much of it comes back to how we formulate our response, whether it sounds judgmental, or it sounds like, "hey, I feel for you and went through something similar and this is what I did.". The advice may be the same, but the way it is formulated makes all the difference in the world. I know I personally respond much better to someone who says to me, "what I hear you saying is this, and here is my suggestion on how I dealt with that or would if it happened to me" as opposed to, "absolutely not, you are sabatoging your surgery and you need to seek out counseling immediately before you kill yourself.". Now, I admit, the latter was a bit extreme, but I hope you understand the point I am trying to make.

Sent from my iPad using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't understand why you wouldn't suggest getting some help to some of the issues people deal with on here. I don't see why getting help with anything would ever be a bad idea. Especially when many of us have had trouble in the past with issues eating.

Not everyone has considered counseling or had an experience like you before. I've talked to friends about my experience with counseling and have had more than one of them surprised that I had seen a counselor. Some people get this idea that counseling is only something crazy people go to, but every time I've suggested/talked about it is because I think a number of people could use it, even if it's just to get some things off their chest, get another view point, get help with coping strategies. Is it for everyone? No. Does it work for everyone? No. Is it worth a try if you're doing something like cutting out a large portion of your stomach just as an added measure to stay on track and help you through issues? I think so, but that's just me.

Any time I've said anything about counseling it's only because I think that if I was in their shoes it might help me. It's never meant as condescending or insulting or you're a crackhead get some help please.

Also, not everyone is as clear or as eloquent at getting the true meaning of what they're trying to say across. Sometimes it sounds different when other people read it online than it was originally typed, if that makes sense. I doubt the people who said you needed professional help were trying to be offensive in any way, but rather that they were trying to highlight the fact that the sleeve is a tool, and that you may still have issues that need to continue to be addressed post surgery. Could they have said it better? Sure. Did they mean for it to be offensive/frustrating to you? Probably not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There will be one set of rules....your surgeon's rules. Go by those, not what other people are doing. That will take the guesswork out of it for you. If your surgeon doesn't have a complete preop and post op plan for you, look for another surgeon.

But yes, all surgeons seem to have different plans.

Yes he does have a plan and I will try to follow it to the letter...I am talking about afterward selecting Protein powders and Vitamins..there are a ton out there and I keep reading that this person tried this one and another that one.....one lady mentioned that she is a Vitamin junky...I gave up following her feeds because I stopped understanding what she was doing.....Or how she can afford to try that many different brands.I got very confused because I know there are things I need to buy to prepare myself for the sleeve........what I am looking for in any product is no artificial sweeteners......if anyone knows a brand that does not contain these toxins...I would love to hear about them.....ty

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The same people, thinking they are perfect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I get some great ideas from forums like this. I also read a tonne of shite that I ignore. I do find it fascinating to watch how others interpret posts.

Every thing here is suggestion or personal experience. That is always how I read it. I never read it as instructions. I never write instructions. I share my own experiences and occasionally my own opinions. I have no expectation whatsoever that anyone will wholeheartedly agree with me. It is nice when they do, because I don't feel alone, but I certainly don't seek agreement. I just share.

I feel no strong desire to help the stupid. I give my two cents worth and move on with my life. if people want to chuck a hamburger and fries into their blender two weeks out then I could care less whether they listen to my point of view. I will give it, but beyond that I consider it is their life, their sleeve, their choice.

I see a few chicken littles on this board, those who are always concerned that if everyone is not following their plan that they will get a leak or regain weight, or their stomach will explode etc. They amuse me more than annoy me. Do gooders will always exist. And that is their intention, to do good. They just don't understand that everyone is different and there is no one true way to live post sleeve.

Because that is what this boils down to. There is no one true way to live post sleeve. We each find our own path to health and forums like this can help us in that journey and search but if we look here for the one set of directions we are limiting our own potential well being.

Follow your own medical professionals advice and then listen to your body. Learn what you can from forums like this and from others experiences. Try what resonates with you and listen to your body's response. Learn and find your own path.. Share what you discover to help others learn and find their own path.

/soapbox

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The same people, thinking they are perfect.

Oh don't worry. I'm never giving advice on this website ever again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • allwet

      Coffee and Tea drinkers Rejoice
      https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-45540-1
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • CJ.  »  BrendaIsela

      Did you go through with the DS? How are you making out?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • MrsGamgee

      Well, long time no see. 
      It's been a rough couple of weeks. I should have been expecting the other shoe to drop after having it so easy for the first three weeks post op. I was getting my water and protein easily, had no pain, nausea, or vomiting.
      But as soon as the soft foods really started in earnest I started having problems. Pain, foamies, slimeys, vomiting galore. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to it. Something that I ate easily yesterday causes pain and vomiting after the first bite today. Sometimes it's my pills, other times they go down easy. I just don't get it. 
      I'm trying to stay positive. I know this is a season in my life, and things will eventually even out. I'm just so tired of being afraid to eat, not knowing what kind of response my body will have. I'm mostly hitting my protein target, thanks in large part to protein shakes (which I hate, but look at as medicine). I missed my water targets by a lot over the weekend, due mostly to feeling awful, which I know is a terrible cycle... throw up, don't feel like drinking anything, get dehydrated, get constipated, feel like crap, repeat. 
      The three-week stall is also still here. I thought I had busted through it, but I've been bouncing between 216-219 for the last two and a half weeks, which is a contributing factor to my mood and frustration level. And add in wee-lings who are going crazy with end of the school year insanity, friends with busy schedules who I haven't been able to see in weeks, and I'm an unhappy girl. 
      Things will turn around. I know they will. Just not feeling it at this moment. 
      · 7 replies
      1. ms.sss

        hope things get better with the slowing down and the water-prioritizing. keep us posted :1007_hearts:

        small tip: I used the timer on my watch religiously between bites in the early days (actually I still do, but I'm a lot less rigid about it now), it really helped keep the foamies/slimies/pain/barfing at bay by helping me slow down.

      2. FluffyChix

        Oh wow. Just read of your struggles! So sorry to hear it hon! ((hugs)) It's no fun when the stalls hit, makes bearing other parts of this journey really tough. Added to the fact that most of us experience mood swings/sadness that is usually transitory for most of us. But it still just makes it that much harder.

        I promise the stall will break. If that helps? ((hugs))

        Also, maybe concentrate on upping your water and hitting it consistently? The reason I say that is cuz it will make eating that much easier/pleasant. And the up side to that is with every real meal you have, you're training your tool to accept solid foods again. And being well hydrated makes your pouch less "tricky" and finicky. You know?

        Try varying the temperature of the fluids you drink. I remember cold water was not my friend. I did better on room temp or warm liquids.

        Also, the protein drinks may be contributing a little to your stall. I know I lost better after I really reduced them to very little. I'm very IR, and whey protein isolate is very insulinogenic.

        Hang in there. I promise, in 2-3 weeks, things will feel so much better!!

      3. MrsGamgee

        Thanks @FluffyChix! I know the stall will break, it has to eventually given I'm only consuming 700ish calories a day and I am trying to be active every day. I confess it's hard to be motivated to go for a walk though when I feel like crap.

        Cold water seems to be better for me right now... icy anything makes my tummy happy. It's when my water gets to room temp that it is harder to get down. But I am committed to getting my water in. It's so funny, before surgery I never had a problem with water. Today I decided that I won't count my 'other fluids' as part of my water total... they have to be over and above my target.

        I'm looking forward to lowering my reliance on the shakes. I really don't like them. I got clearance with my RD to cut back on them, provided I can hit at least 80g of protein without them. But I haven't been able to manage that just yet. I'm hoping in the next few weeks, provided I can get real foods to go down and stay down.

        Thanks for the encouragement!

      4. FluffyChix

        80 grams without protein shakes at your stage feels very ambitious IMHO? Are you sure she didn't mean 80g including protein drinks and food sources?

        We all heal so uniquely! :( Don't rush advancing. I know it's hard not to, but your tum will heal easier if you just listen to it and what it will and won't allow for the day.

        Gosh I so get the motivation of the scale!!! ((hugs)) With one reading I can determine my mood for the day. LOL. Then I wait a bit and have a nice poop. ;) haha Mood restored. ;) I'm ever just one solid poop away from a good mood. hehe

      5. MrsGamgee

        She was pretty clear... I asked about cutting back on them last week and I'm guessing she wanted to encourage me to continue with the protein shakes without actually saying so. Making it my decision. I have 2 shakes a day, plus some protein powder in my breakfast, so I'm hoping to maybe drop one shake a day in a couple of weeks. I'm really not into the lack of satisfaction they provide for the calories they take up in my daily totals.

        I *know* that this is just a step on the road. I need to put on my big girl undies and deal with it. And I need to really learn to listen to my body and not push too far too fast.

      6. View All Replies
    • dmadms  »  ARMoma45

      I saw the post where you were denied the first time because you lost to much weight.  How much did you lose?  I lost 1 # my 2nd month and 6# my third month and scared to death I have screwed up.  
       
      Thanks
      Dana
      · 1 reply
      1. ARMoma45

        I lost 11% of my body weight and they wanted me to fail to lose 10%. I even called the insurance company and asked them to clarify because the wording was confusing. I didn't know if they wanted me to lose the 10% or fail to lose the 10%. I was told to lose 10% so I did and apparently the person that I spoke to wasn't correct. But also this was in December and my company was scheduled to change to a different division of BCBS after the first of the year. So that probably played more into the denial than anything.

        I continued my monthly visits and they clearly showed that I plateaued about month 5/6 and began to regain. I originally lost from 333 to 298 and regained back up to 330 but have now lost back down to 318.

    • allwet

      · 1 reply
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        As a tea-a-holic, I'm happy to hear this. Thanks!

  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×