Well, I guess I need your support with what's going on in my life right now as I've been pretty much bawling for 2 days straight. If only I could get control of the emotional and make a rational decision, that would be great. In the meantime, FYI, when you cry all day, you have NO desire to eat and I've lost about 8 lbs in 10 days.

So here's the deal. For those of you who don't really know me, I'm a lawyer in NYC. I used to work at a huge law firm without an out-of-control lifestyle and I gained 100 lbs in the 2.5 years I was there. I loved the challenge and the work but could not let my health spiral further out of control so I went to work at a "boutique" firm to the tune of a 40% pay cut. I still make plenty of money to meet my needs (though I can't afford some of the luxuries I'd like, such as being able to buy an apartment in Manhattan). I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my current job. I love the actual work, but most importantly, I love the people and the atmosphere. They are the closest thing to family I'm going to find without actually moving home (Alabama) or getting married (which I obviously can't control as I haven't met the right guy). I suffer from depression and it's the most controlled it's ever been in my adult life at least in part because that omnipresent sense of loneliness that I've always felt is pretty well plugged up by my support network at the boutique firm. I love my job.

For better or for worse, and I'll spare you the details, the best possible work opportunity (if I were looking to change jobs) fell in my lap this week. Really, it's fabulous. My salary would INCREASE by (yeah, not increase to, increase by) six figures. The work would be interesting and fabulous. Plus, the firm is very international, which means several international trips a year (Munich in October if I accept). The job couldn't be better -- If I were looking.

So the problem is (1) how emotionally attached I am to my current job and (2) how much of my support system (including my weight loss support system) is wrapped up in my current job. On the one hand, I fear that if I take the job, I am destabilizing my life at the time I need it to be most stable - i.e. the weight loss phase. I know I can get another job any time I want to (if, for example, the issue is money), it just won't be as perfect as the one that's currently being offered (they're only looking to fill one space -- immediately -- and it's unlikely there will be turnover in, say, a year). On the other hand, I think I may be using my weight loss as an excuse to stay somewhere that is comfortable when it would be best for my career to move on, as sad as it would make me.

Thoughts? Thank you in advance.

Julie,,, I believe that you need to do what makes you happy. Not realy where the money is. Of course another 6 figures would be nice,, is that where your happieness is going to be?? Realy I'm not trying to sound like an ass,,, but further down the road,, is that job going to make you happier?? Or will you "just be more comfortable in your misery".

Just do what you all ready know you need to. Best of luck to you.

Jim

Julie, I've had to make several life changing decisions like that in my life. What's helped me is this. I always get a big sheet of paper (usually a chunk of newsprint roll end) and attach it to a wall in a place where I can see it, often the kitchen or by my computer. Then I divide it into how many options I have. In the middle write I write my options, in your case this would be something like "stay" and "go". Then brainstorm and write down every possible pro and con you can think of about each scenario. Do this all around the centre like spokes of a wheel. This will allow you room to elaborate on a point. For example, a negative point may have both positive and negative aspects to it. Am I making sense? I have found that after a couple of days of looking at this, adding things, circling extra important points in colours, etc that the best decision becomes obvious. For example you may see a way to accept the new job while keeping your support people.

I have made some really tough and quick decisions this way. For me there's something about getting out of linear thinking that helps the process.

Good luck with all this.

Wow, Julie, all I can say is GOOD LUCK! It sounds like there is no "wrong" decision here. Either way you go you will have a wonderful job and things you value. You're a very lucky woman.

I don't know how old you are, but from where I sit (the ripe old age of 44, with two kids and a job that has me in a total rut) the new opportunity sounds mondo attractive. Weight loss is up to you and can happen in any environment; we have a member who moved to Africa shortly after being banded (brave soul!). Job opportunities like the one you describe don't come along every day, and it's the paths we don't travel that we regret.

Whatever you decide, though, you win. Remember that.

Do you have to loose your friends at your current job just because you take a career advancing position elsewhere? Seems like if they are really your family now they would still be then.

I'm sure you'll be guided to the right choice. Good luck.

Julie, wow! You do have a great opportunity. As others have said, you have the best of two worlds. You have a wonderful group of people that you call your family, and I am sure that because they are so close to you, that they would continue to be. They also would wish you luck in any endeaver you choose. If you choose to take the new position, they could go with you just by talking to you and listening to your travels and everything that would go on. You also have us and your computer. You could always talk to us if you have any problem with your weight journey. I would love to have this chance! Don't be afraid of taking a chance on a new begining. We and your friends at your current job will be with you. If you decide to stay where you are, that would be ok too. I believe you could be happy either way. Follow your heart.

ladydi

What makes you happy? That's the real question.

Money and international travel? That really DOES make some people happy.

A job you love with people you love? That really DOES make some people happy.

What if you find the right guy, get married and have children? Which position fits best for that? Which position fits best if you stay single? Which one are you betting on?

The most important part of this decision, I think, is that you are completely honest with yourself, and you don't take the new job just because there are so many people who would kill to have the chance. And, don't be embarrassed to keep the job you have. Do what is truly best for you.

Good luck, Julie!

Do what makes you happy MONEY is NOT always what makes us happy..Be honest with yourself and do what you know is best for you...GOOD LUCK and keep us posted...

I'm with Alexandra and feel like you are in a win-win situation. The fear of the "unknown" can be HUGE....right now you are comfortable which is a nice place to be. Can you see yourself staying forever???? Do you love adventure??? You really have to figure out you....wouldn't one of those "EASY" buttons from Staples be good about now?!?!?!

I can only offer prayer....pray for your wisdom to make the best decision for you!!! I've found in life the decisions that I struggled the most with meant change was on the way!!!

God Bless,

Melody

Banded 3/20/06 -85lbs :Banane10:

Julie, what a wonderful dilemma to have! Sounds like you are a single gal, with no strings attached. That will certainly make traveling easier. Sometimes, business travel isn't what it's cracked up to be. By the time the business is over, there isn't much time/energy left for the fun stuff. However, I am unsure in regards to the job that you are speaking of....maybe the travel is occasional??

Anyway, more money is always tempting. I'd try to gather more info. regarding the new job offer. Perhaps call someone, from the other job and ask some pros and cons. Most folks would be pretty honest, I think.

Good luck to whatever you decide. Shawn

Sometimes moving out of our comfort zone allows us to grow. No, not in weight, but in our experiences and skills. I believe things happen for a reason. That philosophy has guided me through a pretty good career and other challenges.

Ask yourself why did this happen now? Maybe, it's time to venture back out, expand your scope, meet new friends and challenges. Your weight loss can continue, your support system may be the same or grow to include others.

Evaluate your own goals. What will make you happy, satisified, and content? Good luck with your decisions.

So what did you decide to do- or do you have more time?

.Its hard under pressure to decide and sometimes that alone should help you- there may be a reason they are rushing

Good luck!

Alex is right WIN WIN!!

Thank you all for your insightful and kind responses. I feel very supported and am so thankful I found this board early in my bandster journey.

I haven't actually made a decision yet, but I have decided to continue the "interview" process. Basically, I was tentatively offered the job by the partners at the firm, but I have to meet with the associates as well before i get the definite nod. I'm pretty confident I'm through the hard part, in terms of getting the job at least.

I'll keep you posted further, but I should meet with them Wednesday. I expect I'll have a week or so to make a decision. Basically, I've decided that I'm using the band as an excuse to avoid an uncomfortable situation (leaving the comfort and security of my current job). I don't seriously think that it will jeopardize my weight loss -- I just think it's something scary to do, even though it's likely best for me in the long run.

So, as I do with weight loss, I'm going to keep going forward one small step at a time. I'll let you know what happens.

Thanks again,

I went on the last round of interviews today and was formally offered the job. As much as I will miss my current place of employment, I just don't see how I can pass up this opportunity. I don't think it will affect my weight loss. It might affect my level of happiness, then again I might be even happier -- who knows. Alas, I think I'm going for it.

Julie,

I'm so happy for you. This will be a new adventure and I think an exciting one. You can do it. You know you can. Your weight loss will continue and you will extend your family of friends. Sometimes it is just rewarding to get out of our comfort zone and explore.

Have fun, good luck, and keep us posted.

CONGRADS!!!! I know you will do well! You sound like a woman that can be happy anywhere. Just think of all the fun things that are enstore for you. Such a great adventure. Keep in touch.

Diane